h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*already has access to Axe-7*

Venom, I generally have access to my own programs anyway

NOTICE TO MERCENARIES
---------------------
I've just posted a notice on our real forum.

Please read & comply.

*reads*
*complies*

(OTT) Wow, I'll be sure to follow those instructions Krans .

*reads and complies* Have you informed the guilty parties? *channel-surfs*

*wonders where Venom got his surfboard from*

No, I haven't. But it's perfectly obvious what I mean if you read some our latest encounters with the individual concerned...

I'm sorry about N'kai, people, but I've got a job for ya'...
I want you to take this bomb, and put it in Red Dog's bedroom (or wherever he'll be a lot) and detonate it. It won't blow up, as such, but it will release a scent that smells of cats! It'll last for 24 hours at least! Can you do that for me?

*looks at the personal page of the previously discussed person*

I still can't see anything wrong.

Please conduct all business dealings in the Negotiations forum, this is, as above mentioned, the Mercenary Lounge. We like our privacy...

Do we? I go in my office if I want privacy.

Well, when a place becomes a Mercenary Lounge, it becomes Mercenaries ONLY... Negotiations is where negotiations are to take place...

Then where's the toilet?

SHSS lobby. We have one here, nicer, but I assumed you wanted the public one.

Wargamer, we accept the mission. The price comes to:

Infiltration: .25mil
Core Infil: .25mil
Item Dropping: .5mil
Retaliation: .75mil
Tax, Liscense to Kill and Registration: *3

5.25 million credits please.
*accepts the bomb and the credits*

Okay - you've got the job, CV, so go and do it. We don't need the whole team for this one...

...but if you get into trouble, yell and we'll come running.

I'll go with him, if only because I've got nothing better to do that cover his a$s and play practical jokes on him (which is a habit I'm trying to give up ).

I'm in the ACF War Communiques thread if you want to watch some dogs chase after cat scent with no cat at the end of the trail. And I think I can handle the ACF...

*heads to the ACF despite Venom's protests of competence*

*a holo appears, of CV with the ACF HQ in the background* Guys, I suggest you don't come here. The place reeks of cat smell, so bad that I can't stand it. Those backup packs were overcalibrated. But FYI, mission accomplished. I should be in hyperspace when you get this message. *the holo fades out*

*walks back in, having been decontaminated so he doesn't smell of cat urine*

Anyone knows where Venom is? I've got a sneaking suspicion that it was him who put a cat-pack in my satchel. I had to go to the Tripwire and get some more !