h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Lampwick] [putting it away] Oh, right.

*Bahamut's Magicite glows brightly, and the Dragon stares at it in wonder.*
[Bahamut] That's one Dragon under our power. Now, let us find some more...
[Ma Chao] Can I sit the next one out? I really need to change my underwear...

:: Furr Purrfikt has raced along the rocky escarpment, winding his way through the angular crags and passes, in an attempt to out-flank the dragon. He comes upon its backside and is about to jump onto it when his senses reveal to him the monstrous lizard is standing entranced, immobile, captivated by some strange power. He leaps gingerly onto its scaly hind quarters, hooking his claws under them to keep from slipping, and clambers up to a position at the juncture of its wings and shoulders. There he sees Ma Chao with the his glowing Magicite crystal and hears the unmistakable whisper of Bahamut's ethereal voice. ::

[Furr] Ai ssee yeou have matterrs well in hand. Now Ai underrsstand what yeou meant by ffinding alliess amongsst these beassts. :: He slides down from the neck of the dragon and stands between it and the rest of the party. :: Baileywick!

[Baileywick] Aye, guv'nor?

[Furr] Ffetch out the amberr colorred crysstal Ai hold sso dearr. Wrrap it and bind it for meow, that Ai may carry it close upon maiy belt. Iff we encounterr anotherr one of these sserrpents ssoon--:: He glances over his shoulder to behold the massive creature, then turns earnestly back to face his compatriots. ::--Ai musst needss be rready to messmerrize it.

[Baileywick] :: Makes short work of the task, then tosses the covered crystal to Furr. :: That should hold'er, m'Lord.

[Furr] :: Clasps the Magicite in his paws, staring into the suffused golden glow washing out from the bundle. He whispers... :: We will now worrk as a team again, maiy dearr ssweet Felisshya. Yeou and Ai will be togetherr to battle thiss inssidious menace and we sshall be victorriouss!

[Baileywick] :: Shares a 'knowing' grin with the rest of the adventuring party. :: He's a bit of a one fer dramatics, ain't he?

[/Furr & Baileywick]

[Ma Chao] Are we ready? Let's get this over with...
*Leaps up to a cave far above. He walks in, but comes out empty handed.*
[Ma Chao] This cave's empty! Try another!

[Ribald] My turn!

[He goes into the next cave. SFX: Dragon roar. Ribald rushes out very fast, pursued by a ... Mini-Dragon. Ribald sweatdrops.]

[Ribald] Okay, maybe not quite as much "punch" as the big kind, but ...

*Pulls Ribald out the way at a flame 10-times normal size bursts out of the Dragon's mouth.*
[Ma Chao] Don't you know anything about slapstick!? The little ones /always/ have enough power to destroy half a planet! Look! It even has the cute expression.
*The Dragon acts cute. Ma Chao screams and legs it as a burst of flame immolates the cliff behind him.*

:: Furr Purrfikt stands aside from the blast of flames, snatching Baileywick back as well. He starts tugging him along with him, picking his way among the stones of the escarpment to find another inhabited lair.

[Furr] Come along, Baileywick, we have need of one ssuch crreaturre for our devicess as well.

[Baileywick] Right y’are, m’Lord. Wouldn’t want to be standin’ in harm’s way back there.

[Furr] Ah...here sseems to be another cave entrrance. Let prrovidence be with us to ffind a drragon within.

[Baileywick] Then agin, Sir, walkin’ deliberately inta harm’s way does nay sound like a rational course o’ action, either. Might I suggest we--

[Furr] Wait with a tack and harrness here, then, Henchman! Ai have no time for ssuch quaking ffears when two planes of exisstence hang in the balance!

:: Furr strides resolutely into the cave’s maw and follows the rough-hewn tunnel for some distance. He unslings the Magicite containing his beloved, Felisshya, and whispers to her... ::
[Furr] Now, my dearr one, we sshall ssee how thiss rreptile cowerrs from yeour inffluence. Prrepare to messmerrize a beasst that musst aid us in thiss war againsst the Black Legiown.

:: There is a tinkling sound as of crystalline chimes and the passageway is suffused with an amber glow. The growing light reflects starkly two bright green orbs that seem to hang in mid-air some twenty feet above Furr. That image is quickly disspelled as the golden light grows in intensity and washes over the interior of the cavern. There in the midst of several piles of debris and treasure stands a monstrous black dragon, its head beginning to sway slightly, captivated by the sudden intrusion and unbidden illumination. The small sound emanating from the crystal rises in scale, passing into the ultrasonic, riveting the dragon’s attention. It begins to creep forward, and Furr has a sickening feeling that things are about to turn ugly. The dragon lowers its head, bringing its snout full into Furr’s face, and there is an unmistakable sense of knowing and assurance there. Furr does the bravest thing he’s ever done and turns to leave the cave. The dragon follows. Furr immerges from the hole in the ground and then a large shadow seemingly slithers out into the open, unfolding itself in the muted light of the day. ::

[Furr] Baileywick! Ffind ssomething to ssaddle thiss noble crreaturre. Ai believe we alsso have a worrking parrtnerr for the upcoming battle...

[Baileywick] :: Does a double-take at the prospect of actually putting anything remotely constricting on such an imposingly powerful animal, then shrugs and gets to work. :: All in a day’s work for an ‘Enchman, I s’pose.

[/Furr & Baileywick]

[Ribald] [picking himself up during that last post] ... Stupid laws of slapstick.

[Lampwick] I /told/ you it was a bad idea to accept that Orb of Goufei from that crazy old man!

[Eric]I'm back Where'd that dragon come from?

[Furr] + [Continuity] It came from yonderr caverrn. We ssurrmise these thrree drragons, and perrhaps anotherr that yeou could ffind, might be enough to ssway the battle in favorr of the men at Galyana.

[/Furr + Continuity]

[Ribald] Not to mention the summon materia we got ... let's see, Bahamut, Neo Bahamut, Bahamut ZERO, Omega Bahamut, Really Tought-Ass Bahamut Ray-Ban-Wearing Guy, Morton Bahamut Jr. ...

[Bahamut] My brothers may be stronger, but I am faster than they are. Well, except for Morton Bahamut Jr...

[Morton] My attack only lasts fifteen seconds! That's a record, I think ...

~eric falls down a hole~
[Eric] Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
~thud~

[Ma Chao] Are you okay, Eric!?

[Eric] Yes

~there is a scraping hiss in the darkness of the cave~

[Eric] I don't think that state will last very long...

[Furr] Baileywick! A lit torrch...QUICKLY!

[Baileywick] ::As ever is ready already:: Here ya go, guv'nor, though I wouldna do th--

[Furr] ::Snatches the torch from his hand without waiting to hear the rest of it and tosses it down the hole to Eric.:: There iss a torrch coming yeour way, Erric. Headss up!

[Baileywick] --that if I was you. These critters can 'ave some right flammable substances near-abouts 'em.

[Furr] ::Looks at Baileywick unbelievingly, then quickly at the hole, then back at Baileywick, then once more at the hole in mute expectation.:: Urrrk...

[/Furr & Baileywick]

[Ribald] Lampwick, if what I think is going to happen, happens, I will personally skewer you if you say "somebody set up us the bomb."

[Ma Chao] Or "This'll be a Blast", "Anyone got a 'Boom Box'", or "Zeeky Boogy Doog"...

[There is an explosion from below on Ma Chao's words.]