h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Lampwick] The real Lampwick? You're holding him by the neck. Just because nobody listens to me doesn't mean I'm a moron. The moron is currently behind you yelling about an Orc's mother.

[Ribald] [behind N'kai, to an Orc] ... was a goblin! [slices]

[N'kai] You call that a curse? /This/ is a curse:
Mei Idian N'kai! Mi urgei futurai assalii feir 'Kai-presneir'! Moris, Deksira G'dak!!!!!

In other words:
My name is N'kai! I am going to kill you [Near immediate future tense] with/weilding 'Death-Giver'! Dies stupid orcs!!!!!

[Lampwick] [leaning against junk again] I told you he was a moron. [produces a time sheet and pen] Look, could someone initial my time sheet while we all have working fingers?

[Ribald gives the Orc he's fighting a "one moment" sign, then initials Lampwick's time sheet, then goes back and resumes fighting.]

For anyone who doesn't know, 'N'kai' means 'Eternal Death', and he certainly seems to keep the Grim Reaper in business...

*Slaughters his way back to the hoard pile.*
[N'kai] Now let me see... Vulcanian Sword; equivalent of 328gc (Evadian); Iron helmet, hacked open... and a Ring...
*Stares at it for some time...*

[lizzy]ooooo, a ring?

*Examines every minute detail.*
[N'kai] Yes... an Evadian Ring of Warding...
*Flicks it to Lizzy*
[N'kai] It'll protect you from danger, but don't put all your faith in it! Men and Elves of this day have lost much of the old lore...
*Sighs deeply*

*catches ring*

[lizzy] so how does it protect?

[N'kai] It is difficult to say. It usually deflects blows, slows down arrows, etc. Hopefully you'll never need to find out...

[lizzy] hmmmmm *puts it on* *hopes for best*

[N'kai] Where's the man, Lampwick's boss?

[lizzy]Ribald?

[N'kai] Yes, where is he?

[A hand comes up from under a dead troll that had apparently fallen over.]

[Ribald] [muffled] Right here!

*Mutters something unflattering in Elven as he helps Ribald up.*
[N'kai] I'd better be getting well paid for all-
*At that moment an Orc arrow shoots out towards Lizzy's face. The new-found ring glows bright, and the arrow is deflected away. A second nearly rips out Ribald's throat. Two more bounce harmlessly off N'kai's armour.*
[N'kai] G'dak! Up on the balcony! We can't reach them from here... Get to cover!
*Dives behind a pillar as more arrows rain down.*

[lizzy] hoopy ring! * for balcony*

*Slavages an Orc bow and returns fire. One arrow goes through an Orc's throat, another through a gap in its armour and through its heart. The third takes an arrow through the eye, causing him to topple off to the floor two stories below.*
[N'kai] Not bad... The bow could be better...

[lizzy] *cheers on Wargamer* *dodges an Orc arrow*

I assume you mean N'kai...

oops
same difference...


[lizzy] *cheers on N'kai* *dodges an orc arrow*

*Turns to Lizzy*
[N'kai] They're certainly guarding something aren't they... Maybe you should give me the Hammer; I can force my way through and find the Hear of Darkness...