h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeah, that stuff!

So... what would N'kai do now...

[N'kai] Please get moving! If you get yourselves killed then how will I get paid!

[Ribald] Yeah, whatever! [continues to fight his way through]

*The last of the Goblins flee from the warband's ferocious assault. The path beyond is clear.*
[N'kai] I suppose I'll have to lead as usual?

[Ribald] Knock yourself out. And I don't mean that literally.

[N'kai] where's the girl?

[Ribald] She hasn't posted lately ...

[Lampwick] Don't break the Fourth Wall.

[Ribald] The what-now?

[Lampwick] The imaginary barrier between fantasy and reality that prevents people in fantasy from knowing it's fantasy and people in reality from caring.

[Ribald] We've broken the Fourth Wall so many times they're installing a door!

*wanders in looking very stressed and exhausted*
right, where were we?
oh yes


[lizzy] right here. ready to carry on then?

[Ribald] YEAH!!

[N'kai] Fine.
*Begins singing quietly. It is an Elven tune that, after a few minutes, fills the adventurer's hearts with joy, and then plunges them into a feeling of great loss and sorrow.*

[lizzy] what's the song about?

[N'kai] My life.

[Ribald] Look, can we keep going? I want to slice things up. Preferably monsters.

[N'kai] That's the only worthwhile thing you've said all day... Lead on.

[Ribald] Excellent! [starts leading them I don't care where as long as it's the wrong way]

[Lampwick] [to N'kai] I can't BELIEVE you're letting HIM lead!

*Pats Lampwick on the shoulder, and absent mindedly wipes his hand on his sword-rag.*
[N'kai] Dear, simple minded Lampwick. If he leads, he'll get all the ambushes and, as he is nowhere near as good a fighter as I am, sooner or later he'll die. Then there's more reward for me. Do you understand?

[Lampwick] I hadn't thought of it that way!

[N'kai] That is why I am an Eldar Prince, Mercenary Lord and invincible warrior, and you... you... *Tries to think of a way to describe Lampwick, and gives up.* ... you are Lampwick.

[Lampwick] I'm a Henchman.

[N'kai] Yes. Good for you.