h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1337 is the correct term.

i'm back!
and i missed the big fight
ya well!

Well you /survived/ it, and that's what's important.

good point

Oh bloody blue Belgium, where's that looney Iaoth got to??

Hey! Stop calling me names, or I might drop a big rock on your character! Sorry, I'm not at all as addicted to h2g2 as I should be...


As Ribald and Lampwick enter the slashed portcullis, they see Cheng, Hong, Wu and Lizzy rushing across the courtyard, trying to avoid the rain of arrows from the battlements. Cheng parries the arrows with his sword, Wu twirls his staff, forming a shield that sends the arrows flying left and right, while Hong shields Lizzie with his own body.

[Ribald hacks away at the enemies, and Lampwick strikes some others with his Falling Objects attack by losing his balance and falling over, which causes the large load he was carrying to fall over.]

* When the heroes have crossed the courtyard, they face another obstacle; the gate leading to the innards of the fortress. *

[Cheng] *parrying an arrow ("cling!")* Warrior! We need help breaking down the gate! *clang!*

(For some reason known only to the Hollywood gods, Cheng doesn't even consider cutting up the wooden doors as he did the iron portcullis, since calling out for help is dramatic = a Good Thing. Avid fans of "Quest for the Hammer of Light" will of course rationalize this into oblivion by speculating that Cheng was too busy parrying arrows.)

Hong focuses his Chi to a point in his forehead and proceeds to acquire a head ache against the gate.

[Ribald summons Leviathan, who assesses the situation and knocks over the gates]

[Ribald] Good work.

[Leviathan] Any time. [disappears]

2 w.. WHAT?! I've been away HOW FING long?!
Oh geez, I really need to get some serious h2g2 highs to get me addicted again.


* On the other side of the door lies a long hallway, at the end of which is an archway that seems to lead into a dark hall. *

[Ribald] Let's go down there and bash stuff!!

* After some affirmatory cries, the monks scramble onward. Cheng and Hong are subsequently bashed into the stone walls on each side while Wu is suddenly knocked to the floor. The three loud cracking noises suggest that they won't be getting up for a while. There is no apparent assailant. A sudden chill makes the two remaining adventurers shudder slightly. *


Lizzy, still with us? Can't blame you if you got bored...

i'm still here!


this is creeeeeepy

[Ribald] Ooh, looks like it's about to be the Final Battle. You know, against some super-powered version of the villain, which upon its defeat gets even stronger, until it becomes an angellic-ish thing, a la every single Final Fantasy game since 6?

* A sudden gust of wind knocks the two remaining adventurers (not counting the henchman, of course) off their feet, and they slide on the marble floor, which is still wet from the Tsunami, towards the door. They stop inches before sliding out of the fortress altogether, and as they do so, they notice a number of monsters that seem to be all teeth, claws, flesh and bare bones outside the gate. The monsters seem very hungry, but they all stay in the courtyard for some reason. *

* Meanwhile, a low, guttural chanting can be heard from the far end of the hallway. *

[Ribald] Uh, Lizzy? You've got that Hammer of Light thing, right?

Well do ya, Lizzy?

Bob zark it! She must not be on as often as we are!

So it would seem... But IS SHE REALLY?