h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I just noticed that Iaoth's last two posts were at three day intervals...

we can wait......

Sorry, I've been busy and stuff. You know... work.


[High Priest] First, you must take the Hammer of Light.

* He opens a wooden box, picks up the contents and hands it to Lizzy. It's a perfectly ordinary looking hammer, albeit old; wood handle, stone hammerhead. The handle has a rather noticeable crack running from the base of the handle to the hammerhead, but no inscriptions, and no runes chiseled into the stone. *

* Azrael raises an eyebrow. *

(lizzy) *takes hammer* ooooooooo, ta! though i've never been any good at tech, i generaly end up hurting myself! let's see, there was the rasp file, the buffing machine, 3 different types of saw, several hammers, the electric sander, the vice, the chisel.......

[Ribald] Um, aren't we getting /kinda/ off topic here?

[Lampwick] This is a FANTASY adventure.

(lizzy) sorry ahem

Sorry, busy again with work _and_ SCHOOL.


[High Priest] Now take your places.

* The monks show the adventurers where to stand. *

[High Priest] We will send your horses once you have all arrived safely in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. Remember, you have only one day to destroy the Heart of Darkness; the demon will be set loose this very night!


To save time, here's where you all take your places, blah blah blah.


* The monks begin chanting. The candle flames waver eerily and seem to grow slightly. ... time ... freezes ... with ... a ... sucking ... sensation ... A sudden rush as time tries to catch up with itself, and our heroes notice that the surroundings have changed.

* The landscape is rather hilly and boggy, with rocks protruding from the ground like grave stones and skeletal fingers, grisly scabs in a landscape that could otherwise have been beautiful. The murky jet black sky gives the impression of night, but if hard pressed, one can find a hint of light behind the thick veil of clouds that can only be the sun. The black against black image takes some time to get used to, but after a while one can discern certain highlights here and there that suggest shapes. Sometimes, the suggestions are completely incorrect, and when one moves it may become apparent that something that looked to be curving inward is curving outward. *

* In one direction, a large black fortress completely dominates the view. *

[Ribald] Ooh -- spooky. Now when do we start hacking?

(lizzy) scary!

[Azrael] OK, I'm gonna take a wild guess -- the Heart of Darkness is in that fortress.

* The horses appear. *

(lizzy) hey hoo Rosie!

(Rosie) never again.... never again

[Ribald] Okay ... now let's go! [starts walking toward the tower]

*mounts up and follows*

(Rosie) i have a headache

[Ribald] Forward, d00dz!

(lizzy) what's d00dz?

(lizzy) ooooh duh! i get it!

Right.

it's probably best just to humour me

Sorry for hanging around in another conversation and not adding anything here. I just didn't feel inspired, and yes, I know it sounds like bulls**t, but when I'm not "in the mood" I can't write anything I like, the point of this thing is having fun, and writing stuff I don't like is not my idea of fun.


* They begin their approach. As opposed to just moving past them, like a normal landscape would, this one seems to eerily slide by under a big black sheet of matte fabric. *

[Azrael] Kal really would've fit in here.

* The fortress is slowly drawing closer, like a predator stalking its prey, forcefully imposing itself on the adventurers' field of view. The portcullis looks like jagged teeth in a grinning mouth, ready to bite at any second. A feeling of unease grasps our heroes' hearts, its grip growing firmer for each step. *

[Azrael] Woah, wait, are we just storming in? I don't like to state the obvious, but they'll probably have lots of really big guards that will kill us in a matter of seconds. And necromancers. And skeletons. And.. *shudder* ..zombies.

[Ribald] Relax, curative spells and light-elemental attacks will wipe out zombies instantly. Wait! I have a plan!

[Lampwick] Uh-oh.

[Ribald] We could pull the trick they did in Star Wars! We could disguise ourselves as guards, and then bring Lampwick in as if he were a prisoner!