h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dave Cameron will buy a dog. He will give it an avuncular doggish name

“Chicken” will become a national sport in North Korea.

The Pope will die or something.

Chelsea win the Premier League.

Spain win the World Cup.

England don’t get out of their group at the World Cup.

Luis Suarez gets sent off in a World Cup game.

Peter Capaldi gets a third eye surgically implanted in the middle of his forehead.

Vera Lynn will represent the UK in the Eurovision Song Contest. The UK’s Eurovision slogan will be: “Come on, Come on, Europe, she’s really old, for Christ’s sake!”

An old backbencher will say something silly that makes people quite cross.

Westward Ho! drops its exclamation mark.

Watford becomes Watford!

Some Michael Jackson tracks are discovered and released but they aren’t very good.

Tina Turner reveals she has received treatment for her compulsion to add conservatories to her house.

China announces plans to go somewhere very far away in space.

Wiggo does well in The Tour, but doesn’t win.

Andy Murray loses the Wimbledon final and has a little chuckle to himself. He gives the crowd a wry look and they have a little chuckle in return.

Hollywood remakes a film that really didn’t need remaking.

The music industry remixes an old track that really didn’t need remixing.

Randy Crawford reveals she has failed to reach the standard required to earn a pilot’s licence on multiple occasions. A sympathetic public shoots her reworked song, “Some Day I’ll Fly A Plane” to number one.

Using the words “selfie” and “twerk” in the same sentence becomes an offence.

Douglas Hurd, James Blunt and Pete Tong launch a campaign to ban rhyming slang.

I will finally master circular breathing and become an accomplished didgeridoo player.

'Using the words “selfie” and “twerk” in the same sentence becomes an offence.'

Social media pick up this up, it goes viral, prompting individual acts of civil disobedience, hashtags, cringe worthy youtubes and facebooks ,cumulating into an international day of action

forever online for future posterity

Groob, that is one of the best, most intelligent, lists of predictions I have seen in years. So why spoil it by putting something silly in just to get a cheap laugh. Chelsea to win the Premier League??

pebblederook

I was toying with the idea of going for Man City but after their recent flurry of decent wins over good teams I thought that was a lazy choice so took a punt on Chelsea instead.

You're very observant, Pebblederook. Hollywood may well want you.

The unseasonal weather will take us by surprise again....and again....

A new knobbly bar will appear on the market which appears remarkably like one by the "other" sweet company.

Prince Harry will keep the ginger beard and become an eco warrior.

A new visual defect is recognised caused by over exposure to leopard print.

Leopards will be trained to change their shorts.

~jwf~

"Hollywood remakes a film that really didn’t need remaking." [The Groob]

Has Hollywood ever remade a film that needed remaking?

I don't know about lost Michael Jackson tracks, but I do know that Richard Carpenter has some tracks of his sister Karen that he inserts into songs occasionally. Considering how long she has been dead, that seems incongruous to me.

I predict that something so terrible will happen that some will think 2014 is the worst year ever. That will not prevent others from thinking it is the best year ever. I believe in regression to the mean. It will be as average as any other year.

"Has Hollywood ever remade a film that needed remaking? "

The Wolfman, Battlestar Galactica (if you count TV as Hollywood), Flubber, King Kong, The Parent Trap, True Lies, and Get Smart.

Dracula (though not all of them) and The Lord of the Rings (IF you count those abysmal cartoons in the first place -- which I don't) would both be examples, except that the other versions weren't really remakes. They were just based on the same source material.

The Mummy (Stephen Sommers) claims to be a remake of The Mummy (1932) -- but if you ask me they really have absolutely nothing in common with each other.

Ben-Hur itself was a remake (I'm surprised to learn) of a silent film that was made in 1925. So too, amazingly, was The Wizard of Oz -- but any remakes after that were entirely unnecessary (O.Z. isn't bad though).

I /wish/ that they would remake Spartacus -- while the story itself is intriguing, the original movie is boring as hell except for that one scene.

I always liked the Frankenstein movies on their own grounds, but it doesn't change the fact that they're nothing whatsoever like the book. I keep hoping someone will do a faithful adaptation of the book that's actually good; the only one I've seen so far was decidedly not. (Of course, it was British, so I suppose I should have expected as much. )


*clears throat officiously.*


All that said, however, I think you do have a point. Far too often does Hollywood remake things that they have no business remaking.

I predict the weather in early 2014 is going to be flippin' awful.

I predict that by this time next year, we will all have forgotten what a fantastic summer we had in 2014.

PP.

I predict that the Manchester meet of 2014 will be going down in history as one of the very best.

I wouldn't bet against you, Milla.

Well, it will be the best H2G2 meet of 2014.

Well, MMF is looking to organise a mini-meet in London, and any one he's at will be awesome

I agree about MMF. I don't think I will be flying to London this year.

But do come to Manchester

I had an unsettling dream the other night, in which I was on tour in Germany and got lost. I think the dream was telling me not to risk getting lost in a country where they have different customs and speak a different language.

Let's see how you got on!

"Also, I will shop-around a movie script which may or may not ever actually be produced. But I will be satisfied as long as I get a lot of money out of it."

*sigh* Still workin' on it.