h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok so it's the end of the world.

*insert personal favourite cause of the end of the world here*

the power grid is down and civilization as we know it has come to an end

where would you go? what would you need? except your towel what would you most important possession be?

My most precious possession would be my well-stocked pantry. I would keep crackers, canned goods, breakfast cereal, jars of nuts, and large jugs of water. I can survive being dirty or lonely or even cold [assuming I had enough clothes and blankets/quilts], but surviving more than a few days without water is not likely. I can survive longer than that without food, but who knows how long the emergency would last?

I'd walk the 300m to the army base nearby and volunteer.

Mind you, if they were somewhat distracted I'd half-inch a lorry, a GPMG, a good few thousand rounds of 7.62 link, various other less sexy small arms, six months rations etc.

If they'd wandered away and left the keys I'd have:

A Foxhound light armoured vehicle plus trailer
A combat shotgun.
After a bit of thought I'd plump for a 40mm Grenade Machine Gun rather than a Javelin. Maybe not quite as accurate or with as much range, the GMG would still be excellent at breaking up groups of zombies and more ammo could be carried.
The 'forementioned GPMG plus the L129A1 rifle to keep the ammunition standardised. Plus, 5.56mm will barely be noticeable to zombies.
A few dozen Claymore mines
Edge sharpened entrenching tool for close quarters stuff.
six months food, water etc
hand pump for extracting fuel from petrol station tanks

With my luck, I'd probably be among the first to go brain-hunting.

[We might have a serum that could make you a vegetarian zombie. You could live on "brains" from a head of cabbage, washed down with the juice from beefsteak tomatoes. ]

Oh, that's all right, then!

I'd put on my scuba drysuit and trust the toughened canvas to prevent any bites. Beyond that I'd head somewhere pretty and watch the world end because, let's face it, if the zombies rise, I'm not going to survive it for long.

A space ship to a habitable planet and supplies and/or the wherewithal to grow food.

Chicken out - moi?



Of course, I'd take all the other hootoers with me, except SF who might infect us and eat all our cabbages.

How many cabbages would you actually need? Could you maybe bring extra?

And how many trips would it take to ferry a conventional zombie, StunningFrenchie and a cabbage across a river if your boat could only carry two of them at a time?

Easy!
One trip:
Take me and the cabbage; leave the other zombie where it is.
If the river is deep enough (which we can assume from the fact that you need a boat), it can't cross it, so we're all safe!
... Well, except maybe for the cabbage...

Find the nearest secure mental hospital/police station/prison,self contained kitchens and stores, bloody big fence and lockable rooms.. bow and arrow would be a must and can be carried easily on my bike. My son would obviously be my chief zombie expert.

Saying that would probably insist on taking my camera!

It has been said that the greatest risks in apocalyptic society-collapse scenarios is lack of water, followed by lack of fresh food. That means one of the best places to go is actually a pub, because it has a plentiful supply of liquid kept fresh by alcohol (which is a preservative, of course) and probably a decent supply of snacks kept fresh by preservation in salt. As an added bonus, a lot of pubs have good protection in the form of shutters around doors and windows, and a cellar as a last resort.
It just so happens that, about 10 minutes walk from my house is a pub that's also a stone's-throw from the local Territorial Army centre. Bingo!

so we'll all be down your local then Bob

I wouldn't throw stones at the Stabs, though...

We don't have pubs in my country, but bars are plentiful. There's an Irish Ale House about a third of a mile from me, though it's closed for renovation. There are many fast food places nearer at hand, though.

In Shaun of the Dead they went and barricaded themselves in a pub. They shot all the bottles though.

Pubs were very important in "World's End," too.

As a responsible parent, it is of course my duty to have a well-thought out plan in place in case of a Zombie or Triffid apocalypse.

It would depend on how many survivors there were.

If only a few, I think I'd head to Calshot Spit – just build a great big wall at the mainland end of the Spit, and then you have Calshot Castle in which to live securely at night, with the nearby nature reserve and boats from which you can get food and drink. Similarly, Hurst Castle is at the end of Hurst Spit – a defensible location, giant water tank storage facilities, nearby nature reserve and access to the sea from which to fish.

With a large number of survivors, I'd go to the Isle of Wight and head to the Freshwater Peninsula. Simply blow up the bridge at Yarmouth and built a wall between Afton Marsh and the River Yar, and from Freshwater Gate to Afton Marsh and you have a large, defensible area with numerous Victorian forts that can be used as secure bases to live in, as well as large areas to grow crops, raise sheep and go fishing in the sea from.

With a vast number of survivors you simply clear the whole Isle of Wight of zombies, just like the ending of John Wyndham's 'Day of the Triffids'.

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