h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, not exactly grumpy, but that's how it might appear. I'm often in the company of quite effusive people, who like nothing better than raving about how marvellous a restaurant is, or how perfect their visit somewhere was, which always puts a bit of pressure on me to go along with the sentiment, for fear of raining on their parade; even though my personal experience might have been pretty far removed from positive. So the question is, other than just going along with the tide of gushing superlatives, how is it best to state my position? I've tried keeping quiet, but it feels like I'm being dishonest to myself. My usual strategy if I really didn't like something which is being raved about, is to say I liked some things about the experience better then others, but this is still covering up the truth.

If you can't be honest (and who's to say they wouldn't find your candour refreshingly different?), then the best response is an ambiguous one. Leave them slightly uncomfortable.

Failing that, unctuous sarcasm.

Lessons in grumpiness and sarcasm? Where is Shea the Sarcastic now that we need her?

I think you can state a contrary position without coming across as grumpy.

"That's interesting that you enjoyed it so much - when I was there I found that the service was poor/ had to send the cold soup back/ tables weren't cleared quickly"

I'm one of those irksomely effusive people and one of my good friends sounds like you do quotes. I don't find her grumpy in the slightest, just honest and undramatic. I actually like her opinions because I know the truth will be somewhere between mine and hers.

That's the benefit of effusive folk, they see the best in every situation.

Even the same aspect of an experience can be positive for one person and negative for another. We've often seen it here. The Petty Hates thread is a good place for that - genial disagreement on this very type of thing. One man's meat, etc etc.

Tables not cleared quickly? - One person might not like lingering over dirty, empty plates - someone else might object to the plates being whisked away while they're still chewing the last bite.

Service was poor? Some people hate being constantly bothered by waiters, others like to know that they are being looked after.

Read any hotel reviews on line - if you read them long enough, you'll find that for every unfavourable remark, someone else has posted a positive one. Which is why I don't bother to read them.

Anyway, in the situation you describe, I would say that there is no harm in pointing out that on the occasion you went to the restaurant/saw the film, you were disappointed with this or that about it. The problem is not making it a personal affront - you are not belittling your interlocuter's opinion, just offering another, equally valid one of your own. Either the ebullient, extravert person will not even notice that you are disagreeing, or will accept your opinion, and that you had a different experience.

But life is far too short to argue about this sort of thing.

Another theory: The best holidays/meals out/concerts usually remain just that in our memories because of the company we experienced them in, and our mood and state of sobriety at the time can colour these memories. Nothing to do with the actual circumstances themselves.

On the basis of that - I'd love to spend an evening with HonestIago!

"I'd love to spend an evening with HonestIago!"

Meh, I've spent an evening with him. He's over-enthusiastic about his own excitingness.

That's just because of you 603: I couldn't contain myself.

>>Even the same aspect of an experience can be positive for one person and negative for another.

True, but I don't think it can all be put down to subjectivity. For example, a break I took with Ms Effusive was lovely, but I had a couple of reservations about the accommodation (which was otherwise OK), these being the lack of proper parking facilities, the peculiar dirtiness of the room, and the fact that the milk was off at breakfast time (I have never had that happen before at a hotel or B&B, and I've stayed in some very cheap places!), which literally left a sour taste in our mouths. Now I don't think any of these things could be seen as positive, could they? Yet when asked about the hotel, all these factors were ignored, and instead a list of superlatives were offered. Is that really fair to her audience? What if they go to that very hotel based on the recommendation and are disappointed by some or all of the omitted complaints?

>>I think you can state a contrary position without coming across as grumpy.
Beatrice, I'm afraid that what I see as 'balanced criticism' is seen as negativity by these (very lovely) people.

Very few things, if any, are universally good or unmitigatedly bad. I don't think you'd come across as grumpy or negative just by pointing out some of the downsides. So long as you avoid the temptation to balance up someone's list of positive superlatives by raining down nothing but *negative* superlatives, I wouldn't worry.

Hmm it ain't what you say it's the way that you say it.

And I'm up for an evening with honest iago too! Don't care what foods like

well I found an evening with HI and Mr603 very... drunken

I think the trick is to stick to facts, without adding emotional adjectives.

So instead of "Oh it was ghastly, I was furious at the end of the night, I'll never darken their door again"

just say "I thought it was over-priced and the menu unimaginative"

Does that mean I've had two evenings with HI? It all seems to blur together...