h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It can't be a coincidece....

Right. I'm off out, onto the balcony, to throw flying saucers and teaspoons at the people of earth! <

Bet at least one ends up in my sink, can you please engrave you name,address,date of birth, in number and your last Chinese takeaway menu on the handle so I can identify it came from your balcony

They've all got electronic tags in them, and hand made badger handles... Unique you might say...


well... I managed to score a direct hit on an alcholoic homless person who was in the street... but, considering that there are quite a lot of alcoholic homless people in the street, that's hardly supprising... got one cyclist right in their unmentionables, with a teaspoon... that was even more satisfying... spreading the word with flying teasaucers and badger-handle teaspoons one cyclist at a time

oh.
hang on.... no I've not got any saucers or teaspoons... damn... why didn't I think of that before I threw them all off of the balcony?

Over-Commander Lyle T8t stretched out on his command couch and yawned a satisfied yawn. It has been a very long journey, a very long journey indeed. Even with FTL (Faster –Than- Lunch) drive the stately ship had taken many centuries to reach its destination.
The crystal white cube that was the command deck gave him a splendid view of the small blue planet seemingly hovering above his head.
Time for introductions, T8t inflated his voice sac and touched the communicator.
“People of the small blue planet, I am Over-Commander Lyle T8t, greetings!”
The people of the small blue planet stopped their daily / nightly (depending on location) activities and took a deep breath as they gazed towards the heavens.
T8t continued “We have just moved into the galaxy next door and I was wondering, could we borrow some sugar please?”

I just washed up a dozen or more teaspoons! Must go see if there is one still left in the bottom of the sink

There is no spoon.

I have the spoon!

*holds aloft the tea spoon of destany*

I just found a teaspoon left in the bottom of the sink, after I washed up the large mixing bowls (I'm making bread)! it must be a sign!

you are one of the Chosen keepers, go forth from this day and be spoony!

I've heard that it's always wise to buy extra teaspoons whenever you get a chance. They seem to disappear. Now we know where they've gone to!

I seem to have thousands of teaspoons... which is weird... as I've never bought a single teaspoon in my life

*goes forth and spoons*

finders keepers, wonder if I melt them down I could make a new motorbike!

With the rising cost of fuel, I think it would be more economical just to buy a new motorbike. Plus, you won't be all out of spoons and have to buy more.

Twinkle twinkle little spoon
How I wonder if I'll soon
Find you in the kitchen sink
That would make us stop and think
Twinkle twinkle little spoon
Brightening up the month of June.

ahh ode to spooniness!

never have to buy teaspoons paulh they just gravitate to our sink!

an ode indeed (QUOTD anyone? )


The spoon in the sink, is just the insight into the mind,
sitting so meakly, that where it does hide,
from cup to the sink, yet nere returneth to drawer,
the spoon of destony, at the bottom of the sink once more,
Its powers ledgend, throughout the galaxy,
it is always the spoon, in the bottom of the sink we do see,
spreading its magic, and its mythology,
the spoon of hope, its powers mighty be,
ruling our lives, for all eternity

whoaaaaaaaaaaaa!

suds and soap, bubbles of hope
pop against a stainless well.
spoon of despair
ever there
best to fill and cover

Church of the Omnipresent Utensil, Prelude to Spoonaggedon.

"Sorry FWR I think that title lies with Anoia the god of things that get stuck in drawers ( I hope Pratchett is allowed in these discussions) "

well, he's going to enter it now... Apologies, Blanketstacker, you are not completely correct. think back to "Pyramids", where the Gods of Djelibeybi temporarily walked the earth until Pteppic put a stop to that sort of thing. One of those gods, referenced as Cephut, God of Cutlery, evidently survived and thrived, as he re-appears in the computer game "Discworld Noir".

Here, Cephut uses guile, in the "Bullshit Baffles Brains" manner, to outwit a roomful of War Gods (possibly not hard) and claim ownership of the ornate and coveted sword, the Tsortean Falchion. The salient points of his argument involved the fact no clear demarcation line had ever been drawn between where cutlery ends and where military hardware begins, viz:

1. I'm god of Cutlery, right? Nobody disputes that?
2. My remit clearly involves cutlers, who as the name suggests make cutlery. One of my worship bases, am I correct?
3. As well as spoons and forks and kitchen utensils, cutlers make knives of all kinds and sizes. Observed fact, yes?
4. I call your attention to the number of times the Watch gets called out to domestics of the sort where a kitchen knife has been used offensively. In fact, your average sharp Sabatier - definitely my sphere of interest - becomes a weapon of dispute and low-level urban warfare.
5. I mean, look at peasants' revolts, where a lot of your knights and warriors have been surprised at the use to which an irritated peasant can put a kitchen knife tied to a long stick. Briefly surprised, in many cases.
6. And in time of war, your cutler can turn his skills to forging swords, correct? look at those clever buggers in Agatea. One day a set of ultra-sharp kitchen knives, the next, katanas and naginatas.
7. Cutlers worship me.
8. And as none of you buggers have thought about the boring unglamorous logistic side of warfare - all those people who make the weapons and so forth - you've never paid a blind damn bit of notice to swordsmiths. So I'm claiming them. Anyone got a problem with that?
9. And on the basis that a sword is demonstrably just a long knife, and I'm God of knives, this sword is mine. Goodnight, friends.

And so Cephut left the War Gods to work it out and end up fighting among themselves.

Word from Dunmanifestin is that he's teamed up with Anoia for a mutually beneficial partnership. She jams things in drawers; he provides the things for her to jam.

He also leaves a single teaspoon in the sink as a sign that He has visited, and as a devotional aid. Cries of "I could have sworn this bloody washing up bowl was empty!" and "Oh hell, I've just tipped a teaspoon in the waste disposal!" are as prayers to Him...

Clockwyse,clockwyse
Down the dreyan
Anti,anti
Tipodean.


Australian chapter, church of the Omnipresent Utensil.