h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Polis have surrounded a field of rye after reports of a strange pink creature running, vertically, with a scissor-like action, in a somewhat streaky manner.
They have set up a ring of catchers and are appealing, with kilophones, meagaphones and gigglephones for the creature to act rashernally and come in, in time for breakfast. A variety of butties, tea and plods await.
The local shepherd and his, er, sheep-pig Babe have been recruited and will be there soon.
The polis fully expect that the creature, when caught, can be cured.

Polis would like to offer thanks to the locals who have rallied round and helped, especially with the punfest.

They'd also like to reassure residents that reports of a strange pink creature walking on 2legs have not at this stage been confirmed.

*hides in the bushes ready to leap out and frighten passing children*

- and sailors?

Ooo no! Sailors are natoriously difficult to frighten; I'd need a readily avilible supply of bruised fruit and some strips of old blankets if I were to attempt sailor frightening...

OK. Must admit I had in mind whispering bushes

"Psst jack, want something new?"

I'm amazed that the title of this thread isn't some kind of filthy euphemism.

It isn't?

No worries, 2legs. I'll guard your

I'll put them in the end of my postings so nobody will try to steal them. But I must warn you of flying in dire need of bacon. They might eat anything that smell or look the slightest like it...

Who has the bacon ? I'm hungry and it's not BBQ weather her in the Far North.

Well, I still have the bacon, though whether it's *the* bacon I can't say at the mo.

The bread's followed the fish, into the swill-bin.
The water's no longer water. At last the spell worked even though never did appear - it came out as a case of rather good malt (at least, two bottles were rather good)

C'mon 2legs or you'll be 2late

You might have the bacon, or even a bacon, but I've got the . And I ain't surrendering it

Oh. Well, kea, what on earth is that long pig doing out in the paddock?

What's a long pig?

Ah, long pig was the name given to human meat, by cannibals in in the West Indies - we're said to resemble pork in taste & texture...

nowadays everything is supposed to taste like chicken.

Except, of course, chicken. Which tastes more like aligator.... seriously...

Yeah, 'sright 2legs.

and frozen chicken's never been the same since that bloke invented the bandsaw.

On the other hand alligator tastes like raw perch drenched in tomato sauce

Which is quite handy in a kind of round about we go kind of getting dizzy sort of what comes around goes around kind of sort of way, as pearch tastes just like chicken...