h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

gavinorr

Flanker

A friend once told his 4 year old daughter that if she didn't stop bouncing on the bed, her bottom would fall out.

prolapse brought on by bouncing? I'm never ever trampolining again!

Similar story, a friend told his son that if he kept picking at his belly button, his bottom would fall off.

But thats true isn't it?

I don't think so.

Why are people only fibbing to children? -The easiest people to fib to. People should be fibbing to people that deserve it. Like the local authorities, landlords, Mormons, traffic wardens, the credulous and people on the internet. All these people: if they don't get fibbed to regularly they go all wrinkly and lose the will to live.

Really?

Wellllll ...

I did once fib to Jehovah's Witnesses. Do they count?
I told them I was Jewish.
They almost ran down the path.

Bad Teuchter.

Just before someone shoots me down. I don't belong to any religion and have nothing against anybody of any particular religion.
If you are religious, great. Enjoy your faith - just don't bring it to my doorstep, thanks.

I wish I could claim this fib as my own.....

Someone threw the old chestnut that all polar-bears are left-handed, and someone else asked how they knew.

He replied;

"Scientists watched them hunting. You know polar bears are white, so they don't show up against the snow ? Well, when they're stalking prey they put their left paw over their nose so it doesn't show up against the snow."

It was when this turned up as an answer in a biology test - on several papers, that we began to suspect we had a success story on our hands.

I told some very nice Mormons that I was busy at the moment and they couldn't come back to talk to me because I was only house sitting and I actually lived on an RAF base in Lincolnshire. They gave me a Pamphlet that had a picture of paradise that had a strangely over-emphasised and centrally aligned moose on it.

I used to tell my son sprouts were good for you,
now I just find them in his mashed potato

when the cold callers ring to offer free financial advice or a low rate loan i tell them i have just won the lottery

they dont ring again

Actually, if they're covering their nose with their left paw, and hunting with their right, wouldn't that make polar bears right handed?

It varys, useually only 10% or so are left handed, and of the remaining 75% 50% are right handed and the remaining 29% ambidexterine... err... But as my maths teahcer told me, 109% of stastics are incorrect and therefore only 20% of them are right... I think

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous

Why dont they stake there prey backwards, it is not as if they got a lot to bump into

I am sure Sir David Attenborough filmed this as he witnessed one casually walking backwards so as not to be seen, then at the last moment turning round before devouring its prey and saying "only fibbing" but in polar bear

Well, if I saw a polar bear I'd hide in a kiosk.

An agent selling wine called and as I did not want any of his expensive wine, I gave him the name and address of a friend.
Some days later I met my friend who told me about the wine seller who had called at his house.
I asked whether he had bought any wine. he said that he told the man that his wine cellar was full.
I said that he does not have a wine cellar.
He just laughed.

I always yell at telemarketers for waking the baby. No need to tell them the baby is 15 years old by now.