h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Today, I went shopping. Underwear shopping to be precise. I bought eight (count'em! ) pairs of boxer shorts.

When I got to the checkout, the assistant said:

"Are you sure these are the right size? They're non-refundable, you know".

I assured him that I was entirely certain in my mind that I was buying the right size underwear (What was he trying to say? That I'm larger than Large?), that I had bought similar-sized underwear from that very boutique, and he could therefore continue with our transaction.

Which made me think...how did they arrive at that rule? Did they have a spate of people trying to return underwear, saying "no mate, when I got them home, they didn't fit me".

So (finally! ) my questions:

(i) Have you ever tried to return underwear to a shop on the grounds that they didn't fit?
(ii) Have sales assistants (or anyone else for that matter) said something weird to you that made you think "how did they get to that?"

RF

No and no.

Yes!

I bought some boxer shorts on offer once - 2 packs of 3 for £8. I got a very similar warning from the till girl and realised there and then that I'd picked up one pack of Large and one pack of Small.

So I'd say it's a perfectly valid question.

B

Ah, but they caught you at the till! All the ones I was buying were clearly marked Large. (...Which I felt was unfair. I'm more of a Medium. maybe I should shop in grown-up shops.)

RF

I bought some moisturiser in a small(ish) chemist a few weeks back and the counter assistant asked "Would you like to top up your mobile phone?)

I'm finding "maybe I should shop in grown up shops" quite weird given the pant purchasing context. I'm surprised she didn't just press the little panic button If they have those in children's pants shops.

I haven't had any odd questions asked except the nosey pharmacist who wanted to know why I needed *that many* tablets

But the "do you want to top up your mobile/ buy this cheap or dvd" is just plain annoying!

My bossa once returned boxers coz they didn't fit. Amusingly, we'd gone for a walk at ulnchtime, so he had to explain in front of all his staff that he'd bought Large boxers and they weren't big enough.

would you like fries with that??

No!!! if i wanted chips, I'd ask for chips

would you like to "go large"???

No!! I'm fat enough already thank you

(i) No. If they've not fitted then they've lingered at the back of the undie drawer for years until the next clearout.
(ii) I went into a clothes shop today and on seeing the queue for the women's fitting room went upstairs to try my luck with the men's instead. The woman at the door asked 'Woman?' I glanced at myself and then the feminine shirts in my hand and thought 'hope feckin' so ... '

Every time I go to HMV or Virgin I get "did you find everything you were looking for?" in an automaton's voice. One day I'm going to say "No, I was looking for GG Allin's History of Scat Porn Volume II. Can you dig something out for me?"

I've returned bras, but not pants.

I've returned swimming costumes, but they used to put a strip of plastic in the gussett which said you couldn't return it if it had been removed, but I was taught to try them on with my pants on anyway.

Not sure if they still use that plastic strip thing.

My local WHsmith are always offering 'half-price chocolate slabs' with any magazine purchase. I don't think they match - the melts and you end up with fingerprints everywhere.

I've never returned boxers - if I find they're too small, I give them to my little brother, if I find they're too big I give them to a mate.

I have returned socks though - I have (UK) size 14 feet and in most shops socks are a standard "will fit size 7-11" and sometimes they'll stretch enough and sometimes they won't. If they don't, I return them.

Don't get me started on WHSmith's. I work Saturday mornings and almost every week for 7 months I have a little routine - I get a Subway and then go to Smiths for a magazine and a newspaper. Being a creature of habit I'm in at roughly the same time each week and I always buy the same thing. I get served by 1 of 3 people - I see them so often and so regularly I'm tempted to buy them a card for Chrismas and birthdays - so why, why does one of them *always* ask me if I want the sweets? First few times is understandable, but I've gone through this routine about a dozen times? She should know by now I *never* want the sweets.

That must be the pettiest thing I've ever ranted about in my life. I think it's because I'm spoiled by the guys in Subway - they now have my order waiting for me, which is kinda cool and depressing at the same time.

Definitely just depressing. I cant stand Subway. *shudder*

Only thing I eat from there is cookies!

I dont see why you cant save up the sweets and send them to me though, that'd be cool!

I think they probably have the policy because they don't fancy their chances of selling underwear that someone's already worn. Other clothes they can probably manage, but undies...

"maybe I should shop in grown-up shops."

I was reading Charlie Brookers article collection book "Dawn of the Dumb" t'other day. In one of his articles he talkes about how he wished clothes had a "Suggested age range" bit as well as size info. I thought it was pretty funny!

Ooh dear...

Problem is I've seen young uns who look like mutton dressed as lamb, and at 26 am pretty convinced I still pull off the schoolgirl look ok.

I do worry that I'll just look sad very soon though. What will I do when I have to grow up

You'll enjoy the sweets that I'll henceforth be sending to you and not care about these young'uns

Just to be clear, the shop in question is Uniqlo.

RF

Yay! Sweets!