h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i said it before and i'll say it again....with gusto....my granny used to say it the same way you would say 'bollox'???????

jesus wept!!!!!!!

Here's a bit of Good Old-Time Religion:

Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing.

But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go.

Then came the woman in the dawning of the day, and fell down at the door of the man's house where her lord was, till it was light.

And her lord rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house, and went out to go his way: and, behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down at the door of the house, and her hands were upon the threshold.

And he said unto her, Up, and let us be going. But none answered. Then the man took her up upon an ass, and the man rose up, and gat him unto his place.

And when he was come into his house, he took a knife, and laid hold on his concubine, and divided her, together with her bones, into twelve pieces, and sent her into all the coasts of Israel.

Judges 19:24-29

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Since you asked, my vote is for:
A65597962

Gif

My my .. someone's very blood-thirsty.
Or are you being sarcastic? .. I don't like war, yet accept that it might be necessary.

>My my .. someone's very blood-thirsty.<

Yep.

Shall have more of a look later Gif. I find it hard to look at some of the most sadistic bits in the bible unless I've had a few s

And I've learnt my lesson recently about immediately muting the news..the moment they inform of us of the latest attrocity reported to have occured, in the name of the Abrahmic religions..be it sick child abuse or suicide bombing

I like that one about the camel passing through the eye of a needle. That really would be a rather remarkable feat, wouldn't it?

(But no, it's the poor who pay the price, as always. Due to long lasting effects of the credit crunch the proposal is now to cut down the minimum wages (7, 55 euro) with 10 percent. Funnily enough Miss wrote about it in her column in the paper last weekend. Apparently in America she gets her nails polished for three dollars by illegal female emigrants. This inspired her to the original thought that minimum wages in Holland should be abandoned all together. Women!)

>>I like that one about the camel passing through the eye of a needle. That really would be a rather remarkable feat, wouldn't it? <<

Either a very small camel, or an extraordinarily large needle..

Hi WG,

(Since this seems to be 'your' thread)

In all seriousness, there are many inspiring verses in the Bible - probably more if you're religious, but a fair few that even atheists can take a liking to.

But how do you read verses like the one I linked to above? Read as the nationalistic writings of a violent, primitive people they make sense (if not comfortable reading). But presumably you believe those are the actual words of God - how do you take them?

I'm just looking for your opinion, not a big debate.

Gif

Excuse me to interupt but I want to make a correction. I wrote 'illegal female emigrants'. Silly me, it should be 'female illegal immigrants'.

On a somewhat lighter note: here's a joke I heard this week:

Queen Beatrix is having tea with her sisters at one of her palaces.
Balancing their cups on their knees they are looking at a life size portrait of their dead father, Prince Bernard.
One of the sisters asks if by now he will have arrived in heaven.
Queen Beatrix picks up the phone, dials a number and at the other end someone answers: "The Virgin Mary speaking. How can I help you?"
Queen Beatrix puts down the receiver and says: "Apparently not, Mary is still a virgin."

Right, I'm finished for now.

Zechariah 12
Jerusalem's Enemies to Be Destroyed

An Oracle

1 This is the word of the LORD concerning Israel. The LORD, who stretches out the heavens, who lays the foundation of the earth, and who forms the spirit of man within him, declares: 2 "I am going to make Jerusalem a cup that sends all the surrounding peoples reeling. Judah will be besieged as well as Jerusalem. 3 On that day, when all the nations of the earth are gathered against her, I will make Jerusalem an immovable rock for all the nations. All who try to move it will injure themselves. 4 On that day I will strike every horse with panic and its rider with madness," declares the LORD. "I will keep a watchful eye over the house of Judah, but I will blind all the horses of the nations. 5 Then the leaders of Judah will say in their hearts, 'The people of Jerusalem are strong, because the LORD Almighty is their God.'
6 "On that day I will make the leaders of Judah like a firepot in a woodpile, like a flaming torch among sheaves. They will consume right and left all the surrounding peoples, but Jerusalem will remain intact in her place.

7 "The LORD will save the dwellings of Judah first, so that the honor of the house of David and of Jerusalem's inhabitants may not be greater than that of Judah. 8 On that day the LORD will shield those who live in Jerusalem, so that the feeblest among them will be like David, and the house of David will be like God, like the Angel of the LORD going before them. 9 On that day I will set out to destroy all the nations that attack Jerusalem.

Mourning for the One They Pierced
10 "And I will pour out on the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem a spirit [a] of grace and supplication. They will look on [b] me, the one they have pierced, and they will mourn for him as one mourns for an only child, and grieve bitterly for him as one grieves for a firstborn son. 11 On that day the weeping in Jerusalem will be great, like the weeping of Hadad Rimmon in the plain of Megiddo. 12 The land will mourn, each clan by itself, with their wives by themselves: the clan of the house of David and their wives, the clan of the house of Nathan and their wives, 13 the clan of the house of Levi and their wives, the clan of Shimei and their wives, 14 and all the rest of the clans and their wives.

That's kind of harsh for the poor horses of all nations.<erm.

God hates nags

1.) Will wg, answer Gif's question posted to them on the 2nd April just a mere two posts back - place your bets!


2.) Nothing like an original contribution, and that was nothing like... etc.
Notice it's copied across the footnotes [a] and [b] from the copy > paste.

And I know it's a direct scriptural lift, I just wanted to point that out.

leviticus 19:19

god hates spandex

This isn't strictly speaking from the Bible, but:

Tim: I look like a c*** in spandex

Daisy: Don't use that word! That is a word that hates women!

Tim: What, c***?

Daisy: No, spandex.

Book of Spaced, Chapter and Episode tbc. Oh, and it may have been lycra in some translations...

Gif

All hail the almighty Spaced!

At the risk of topic drift, I love these religious threads. I wonder what DNA makes of em?

'And Paul lifted up his voice and said: If I am this day examined what I teach, hearken, 0 proconsul. The living God, the God of vengeance, the jealous God, the God that hath need of nothing, but desireth the salvation of men, hath sent me, that I may sever them from corruption and uncleanness and all pleasure and death, that they may sin no more. Wherefore God hath sent his own Child, whom I preach and teach that men should have hope in him who alone hath had compassion upon the world that was in error; that men may no more be under judgement but have faith and the fear of God and the knowledge of sobriety and the love of truth. If then I teach the things that have been revealed unto me of God, what wrong do I O proconsul? And the governor having heard that, commanded Paul to be bound and taken away to prison until he should have leisure to hear him more carefully. '

The Acts of Paul, 2:17


I'm particularly intrigued by this bit: 'that I may sever them from corruption and uncleanness and all pleasure and death'

Yes, Paul's goal is to sever men from all those nasty things, such as pleasure.


If that's not a vicious, joyless mission, what is?

It's a pity the Paul (Saul) had a 'thorn in his side' ..

it must have affected his judgement/understanding..

"The New Testament" is not as new as it used to be.

<>

http://golfo.greyfalcon.us/al10003.jpg

think you'll find it was thorns on the head and a spear in the side