h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I want to meet my true love.I have details in my mind but nobody fits.

No one will ever be perfect enough for your dreams - tone them down a bit and you'll find there's bound to be someone whrer you think "S/he'll do "

I blame Barbara Cartland and Mills & Boon - skewed everyone's perceptions of what long-term love is all about Going to take generations to undo all the damage...

I think the damage is still being done, daSilva. Have you seen any Holywood rom-coms recently? The same old tired cliches are being inflicted on a whole new generation, leading directly to the increasing disaffection and disappointment of millions (mainly women, let's face it) who now have massivley high expectations. Us poor men are up against scripted romance and Holywood magic - we're never going to be able to match up.

Personally, I think they can all off.

Yes I do.. But it will who you least expect, when and where you least expect it..chuck the list away..you could well be ruling out the right person as theyre nothing like it!

There's lots of people we can love and do..but theres only one true soulmate for each of us who it can take lifetimes to meet,but once you do you'll be with them for eternity as opposed to others who are just for this one incarnation

Hmm, that wasn't as clear as I would like.

Those at liberty to off are the dream-mongers and sources of this rot.

That's better.

dS and Jim you're spot on but you missed out saccahrine sweet pop songs which are equally to blame.

here's what Matholwch http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/U200813has to say about love:

Love is possibly the most misunderstood of all three concepts. The reduction of the concept of love to an individual projection of passion is one of the greatest tragedies of western civilisation.

One of the main problems we encounter is the mistaking of 'passion' for 'love'. We are in 'love' with someone, we must be near them, we must own their heart....... can you hear the pain? Passion is an overwhelming desire to know that someone else cares for you. It is obsessive, and ultimately self-destructive. We have lost the true meaning of 'love', and are now desperate to have it.

Many relationships founder because of this mistaking of passion for love.. Passion is generated at the beginning of the relationship by desire, both physical and emotional. This bio-chemical reaction overrides all sense and the two people 'fall in love'. Passion, however, is very difficult to maintain for any length of time. It simply consumes too much energy. Soon it begins to fall away to a more easily-maintained and much lower level. Then the two people have to maintain their relationship with whatever is left. if they were not friends beforehand, or have not become friends, then there is precious little to work with.

Unfortunately this last century, through the growth of the media and popular culture, this pursuit of 'love' has become an obsession. In earlier times people often married those they knew well. Courtship could take years, and as a result many relationships were founded on the bedrock of friendship and mutual respect. indeed those that undertook an obsessive quest for 'love' were seen as sick or demented, to be pitied or cured.

Now we live in a society with precious little real love and a surplus of disappointment and bitterness.

Love, in its true form, is (as I said before) not an individual feeling or an emotion. Love is a way of life, a way of presenting your 'self' to the world and the people/beings you interact with. To understand this better we need to examine the three main tenets of Love.

one love

True..'love' isn't that in a bubble,cant eat can't sleepness you have with initial infatuation..its more a constant quiet contentedness that makes you smile all the way to your tummy when you think how much that persons there for you n vice versa

My first thoughts on my true love was that he was arrogant, so he didn't fit my ideal. Thats the point though, your ideal is based on those people you know, you may have to be a little open minded though, if you havn't met your true love yet then he/she may not be a carbon copy of those you already know, in fact they may completely surprise you in their complete difference to the people you thought you wanted.

What exactly might false love be? (As distinct from desires that don't qualify as love at all.) Is there even such a nice distinction as our language suggests?

'A kind of loyalty called love.' - From Excel Saga.

IMH(somewhat cynical)O, there are a great majority of the population who disillusion themselves with realtionships. Here's one way to not do that...

Ladies: The 'wild' 'exciting' 'manly' 'fun' guy - you know, the one who looks a bit like a badly scarred ape and has a criminal record for GBH. Do you REALLY think it's a good idea to date him? When you were a girl looking for the prince to sweep you off your feet, did you really think he'd do it with an actual leg-sweep and follow up with a kick to the face. IF HE'S A VIOLENT, AGGRESSIVE, DRUG-DEALING, BAR-ROOM-BRAWLING SONOFA... JUST SAY NO.

Gentlemen: Fluorescent peroxide blonde hair, very short skirt, ENORMOUS breasts, vacant stare, limited vocabulary... Just say no. If you can't respect her, it won't last.

That's my two-cents-worth
Moose

I do believe in true love.

Example of false love: in college I met someone who was a friend of a friend. We went to school about 4 hours apart, corresponded, phoned, drove to see each other, started dating, got engaged. I said yes because he was what I thought I was supposed to want. He fit the checklist I had in my head. We broke off our engagement and he married an old girlfriend.

August 30 of last year (8 years & lots of bad dates later), I met my friend's brother for the first time. Completely opposite of myself - doesn't read very often, likes NASCAR, drives a pick up, wears boots, listens to country music. I had sworn off men at that point - bad dating experience a few months prior. We stayed up all night talking. I wasn't sure I wanted to get involved with him - he lived 4 hours away. Decided to take a chance and haven't been disappointed yet. Fell in love with him - not even sure when. We have passion, but we have more than that. We're friends. We hang out and act stupid. We talk, make each other laugh. Might sound silly, but I'm content and at peace when we're together.

Point is - you can't look for it - you have to let it happen.

'We went to school about 4 hours apart, corresponded, phoned, drove to see each other, started dating, got engaged. I said yes because he was what I thought I was supposed to want.'

I suppose that's 'false love' as in 'the [objective/outside] appearance of love' -- i.e. it looks like a duck, it quacks like a duck, but it isn't really a duck. The second sentence seems to imply that you didn't _feel_ in love, though; but then again, as regards 'subjective' false love, I think one might mistake sufficiently strong attraction for this 'love' thing people talk about, if those are the strongest feelings of attraction one has experienced.

'"Isn't loving each other love?"
"Isn't that just a love for show?"' -More from Excel Saga.

*Oops, simpost - the was for Emee*

I can relate to that Emee, its often the one who doesn't fit the 'look'!

As for moose - I know far too many women who only fall for that kind of man and, although men always talk about it, none I know have ever fallen for that kind of woman...(I didn't say not dated, just not fallen for!)

Point well made. I agree.

This thread reminded me of an old 70's tune by a Canadian group called Mashmakhan. Gotta really hear it, but I think a lot of the lyrics apply here:


A child asks his mother do you love me
And it really means will you protect me
His mother answers him I love you
And it really means you've been a good boy
I love you as the years go by
Will not love another guy
At seventeen a girl says do you love me
And it really means will you respect me
The teenage boy answers I love you
I love you as the years go by
Will not love another guy
I-I-I love you forever
I-I-I love you forever

Instrumental Interlude

(--------? unclear) says do you love me
And it means I'd like to hear it again
Her husband says to her I love you
But it really means I love you till the end
I love you as the years go by
Will not love another guy
Now you're asking me if I love you
And it really means will I marry you
And I answer yes I love you
But it really means that I won't be untrue
I love you as the years go by
Will not love another guy
I-I-I love you forever
I-I-I love you forever


In fact, I remember the lyrics a bit differenty (for example the 'will not love another guy' I remember as 'true love will never die'), but these were the only lyrics that I could find on Google. Just showing how 'love' means many different things to different people.



az

Re post 12: I certainly *thought* I was in love with the first one. Had a certain amount of passion for him and we had so much in common - shared interests, similar backgrounds. That wasn't enough. To be completely honest, was upset about the break up for quite some time afterwards - felt betrayed when he married his ex. Still, was worried about what he was thinking when we were together. Didn't feel comfortable enough to completely be myself.

Hmm..if true means viable, then yeah I believe in it.

The notion of al ideal love is silly and self-defeating. If you found the perfect love, would you ever be perfect enough to receive it?