h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And if you look beyond the obvious, what about the single fathers? Or do they not count in this one-sided debate??

My brother's wife loved babies and played with them endlessly. When they got a bit older, she had no interest and wanted another baby to play with. Finally, she abandoned them all, when the youngest was only 2, to 'find herself'! She has since 'found herself' with a guy of 64 (she is 34) who has no demands on her, and has left behind her 3 young children with my brother! The youngest is now 8 and with the exception of a 2 week holiday in the summer, they have no contact with their mother who has very little interest in them! She has also never paid a single penny in child support but wants an equal settlement in the marital house when my brother remortgages the home that he is bringing those children up in!

My point is, from an anecdotal point of view, that he struggles at times but has managed to raise 3 well behaved, polite and geniunely nice kids (OK, I'm their Auntie and a bit biased but they ARE pleasant kids to be around!)on his own and without a mother. And 2 of them are girls and seemed to have survived the lack of a female role influence! (OK, their hair braids may be squint and my brother is fairly clueless of the 'in' Barbie toy to have, but they do seem to have adjusted to the situation fairly well)

Exactly.

I think every HooTooer can relate tales such as the ones voiced. Every one would be different in the details. Which is why generalisations are actually useless.

What makes a druggy or a drunk id guess they have been brought up to learn that is what life is pubs and drugs that is all they have seen when they where kids thats what i meant by broken homes .

im sorry my heart goes out to your brother he is doing a great job by the sounds of it .

Instead of being quite so judgemental about the woman of your acquaintence going back to an abusive relationship again and again
it might be in your own interests to read up on the psycology/behavoural patterns of the abused spouse.


I'm off to bed now - I didn't realise it was quite so late - but if you like, I'm sure I can find some sites that may explain it succinctly, and post them tomorrow

By the by - have you links to refer us to your original question giwad? It would be useful to have a source

Gawid, you seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that every single parent home is a 'woman bringing up kids all alone' caused by some nasty drunk or drink related problem that leaves vulnerable children at risk of neglect and poverty! That just aint the case!

Have a look around and look at the actual reality, and then come back with a cognisant argument.

waken up man its men and women at fault here you just need to take ur rose tinted glasses off

because it is the mothers that come out slagging off men more to the point .

Actually, I'm a woman, not a man!

And yes, women do slag off men, but men slag off women just as much. It's called human nature to slag off the opposite sex!

But you cannot take a couple of women's opinions and extrapolate it to the whole population. There are huge amounts of reasons why people become single parents, and not all of them are the angst-ridden, doom and gloom scenarios that you are projecting! I know a good few female single parents who are very happy with their situation, just as I know a couple of single male fathers who do just fine too!

You obviously have an axe to grind about a specific situation and there are loads of examples where folks are single parents, not through their own ideals, who are not happy, but exaggerating the situation and making extremely sweeping statements does not help!

This is curiously pertinent.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6175501.stm

"The government is set to abolish the requirement for fertility clinics to consider the need for a father when deciding whether to offer treatment.
It will mean clinics will no longer be able to deny treatment to lesbians and single mothers out of hand."

I am very shocked at some of your statements 'gawid

My sister was a single parent, her husband works away for most of the time.

She found out that while he was away he was also having an affair, she quite rightly devoiced him.


She then died very suddenly.

Is her husband a single parent? No, I am, her brother. I am caring for my nephew because my brother-in-laws job is apparently more important than his son.

I didn't pick this, this was not my choice, hell he's not even my child, but the little lad needs to be in a caring environment. It hasn't effected my job, apart from having to take time off when he's sick, but thats no big deal. The only money I get from my brother-in-law is to pay for my nephews nursery fees. I don't need his money, I earn enough for my nephew to be looked after very comfortably but I make my brother-in-law pay for that out of principal.

So what would the law do in this case 'gawid? Make my nephew live with a father who couldn't care less about him? How ed up would that make the little boy? Isn't it far better that he is in a loving and caring environment?

Another group of single parents are those that choose to be because of financial reasons too of course.

There are a couple of single mothers, and one single father, in my area who are single because they are better off financially. As single parents they recieve 'free' rent, 'free' childcare,'free' further education and also get to stay at home and bring up their children.
(I say this is free, but of course it's deducted from their benefits)
They still 'see' the other partner, but he doesn't live with them, and doesn't have to contribute to the up-keep of the children (They DO contribute of course, it's just not allowed to interfere with the benefits)

I'm not judgemental about this, just reporting what i know to be happening. There is a system there, and they are playing it. Right or wrong?

I think this is why they are talking about helping married couples more, with such things as tax relief etc

First of all i'm sorry if you think my comment's have hurt you i too have had family members like you have said.

Now getting back to your point above A JOB IS MORE INPORTANT THAN HIS SON . Oh what a thing to say you can get other jobs etc but he is his son ,so my job is more than my family never family come's first .

My reading of that was a certain degree of sarcasm in the word "apparently". i.e that's not necessarily his own opinion.

I know a single Mum. She's not an alkie or a druggy. She didn't choose to be single for money reasons - she is financially self sufficient without any recourse to state benefits. She's tried to give her children a good education and a moral and supportive background.

Her 15 year old son is now refusing to attend school and is starting to get into trouble with the police.

It's not always the fault of the parents. It's not always the government's fault. Sometimes bad things happen to nice people. Heck life ain't fair, whaddya know.

Where was I?

Oh yes. Stop generalising.

Ok i know people can be made single parents because the man or women dies or one turns bad i know all that and its not the kids fault yes all that i argee but what i don't like to see is this new thing the goverment is talking about in the uk is it is ok for a person to become a single parent through choice now that is wrong be it getting from sperm bank etc as in i don't need a man in my life of woman that is shocking .

not particually shocking - just as long as the parent concerned can adequately provide for the child both financailly and emotionally. As has already been established, a single parent can - and frequently is perfectly capeable of bringing up well adjusted children. I am traditionalist enough to want to believe a 2 parent situation in a stable realtionship is the ideal though.

What I find considerablty disturbing is the fact that there is a chance for the off spring of these anononmous fathers inadvertantly meeting, and producing off spring of their own with (say) a half brother or sister, unknowingly. Inadvertent inbreeding, to put it bluntly.

Again - an anectodal example: I am adopted. When I met my natural mother, I asked her the identity of my natural father and she cheerfully admitted she only knew his first name. He was a one night stand - and I very much doubt he knows of my existence.

For all I know any man I meet, who is in the similar position of not knowing his father's identity - or being absolutely certain his father hasn't played away from home and produced a child outside his own familly *could, in theory be a half brother of mine. Especially if he shares the same colouring/or physical similarities as me.

It's a remote possiblity, given the size of the population, true, but nevertheless one that I don't believe many people consider. Million to one chances, as Pratchett says, crop up nine times out of ten. And in this case, the scenario makes me shudder.

Any child needs to know the identity of both parents. Whether or not one, both, or either of them bring the child up is a moot point IMO.

I'm a USian, here. As I was reading this, I found a number of points of comparison to things that happen here. There are a lot of single people who are parents here, for all the reasons mentioned above.

As for role-models, do you have a volunteer group in the UK, called something like "Big Sisters" and "Big Brothers"? My friend did this for a young girl, starting at age 9. It's a way of giving kids someone they can talk to, if the parents aren't able to give them a lot of time (in my friend's little sister's case, because of a dysfunctional family, and the mother working two jobs). Or to give a boy a male role model or a girl a female role model, where there isn't one.

I'm somewhat concerned at the examples given to young people by the *culture*. There's a phrase I keep hearing celebrities (and the various media that reports on them) use more and more: baby-mamma and baby-daddy, referring to the other parent of one's offspring.

No reference in context to someone that the parent is committed to, or lives with, or is married to. It's a message, and young people (and the rest of us) take it in, almost subliminally. Maybe we should start trying to counteract that kind of message. I believe that's close to the point that 'gawid was originally trying to make.

The nearest equivalent I can think of off hand in the UK is "Adopt a Gran/Grandad"

it is shocking next the goverment will say we don't need to marry now how are kids of today going to learn respect with all them crazy law's there bringing in.