h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do they still have that one about the woman with constipation?
...Can't remember what the product is called.

And howzabout that shitawful Argos ad with Richard E Grant flushing his career down the toilet?
...prick.

Not sure if this has been mentioned yet - oddest advert recently is the woman lowering a plate of oven chips down to a man in a well. Who thought that one up ?

Channel 4 have a trailer for a documentary about Vincent Van Gogh at the moment. The voiceover goes something like:

"He cut off his ear. He painted sunflowers. He went mad. Think you know Van Gogh? Only one of these facts is true."

Excuse me? What exactly is an "untrue fact" then?



RF

"New chicken McNuggets are now made from tasty chicken breast."

So, what were they made from before?

Anyone who's ever eaten a chicken McNugget should now be going for the "puke" reaction.

"I'm lovin' it"...not!

RF

Steve Redgrave doing commercials for an insurance company. Goes from the glory of five consecutive gold medals to doing adverts for the most boring industry in existence. The insurance company probably think they can 'buy' integrity by using Redgrave.

The ads that are driving me up the wall at the moment are the Direct Line car insurance ads with the 'Charlie's Angels' clones "leaping into action". The whole situation is so false and forced that it wouldn't sell me anything.

The actual contents of McDonald's' chicken croquets has already been impugned by ad campaigns of their fast-food competitors here in the United States. The most famous is the Carl's Jr. 'parts is parts' commercial. Few here are surprised that there might have been something 'not chicken breasty' in them.

I've just seen Michael Winner in a fairy costume "calm down dear - it's just a commercial"

Whenever the Michael Winner ads appear I change channels or go and do something else until he's gone. The ads are so annoying that I wouldn't buy the product *because* of Michael Winner. And the Tesco ads with Prunella Scales as the batty old woman annoy me, too. I often change channels when they come on, but it doesn't stop me shopping at Tesco.

My "channel-changer" is the Mint advert with the ex-boyfriend with the unfeasibly-shaped nose.

RF

The ad that gets me out of my seat is the wrigleys extra lady being chased by an alien AND being crushed by a vertical door. Message: Get the h*ll off my TV!!

I saw an advert for Comet at peak time last night. The dad belched and then a little kid copied him. Not the sort of thing I want to see i the evenings. And not the sort of example I'd want my kids set. The idiots who make these adverts would probably show someone being hacked to death if they thought it would sell stuff.

Has anyone else seen the Tim Henman advert where they offer a prize of tennis lessons?

Me thinks the lessons are NOT with Tim Henman but the ads are made to make Joe Public think they are.

It may well be the case that the lessons ARE with Henman. If anyone knows I'd be grateful.

If you fly Virgin Business Class, you will wake up thinner, better-looking, and with better make-up than you went to sleep with.

RF

I was in Asda yesterday. They've got posters of Michael Owen all over the place. What struck me was, in the pictures, if you look at Michael Owen's eyes they aren't directly looking at the camera. This ticklied me, as I imagined they were doing what they do when they take photos of toddlers and waving a silly toy behind the camera.

Also, Asda had a large poster for their pharmacy with a picture of a girl laughing and covering her mouth. Eh? What's funny about a pharmacy? Did she go in there and say 'oooh look - pills! hee hee hee'.

Strange planet.

Maybe its the pills that they are selling

I wonder if the tennis lessons are *for* Tim Henman?

Possibly the laughing girl is covering her mouth in a kind of 'I was going to be sick but lovely Asda has saved me with all their nice cheap pills'?

The advert currently irritating me in my spare time is the latest Imodium ad - the one where the young woman has the choice between staying miserably at home or taking the pills and going to the cinema with her pals. Now HANG ON. Diarrhoea is usually caused by a tummy bug. By all means take the pills to make yourself more comfy, but to the GO OUT, to a PUBLIC PLACE, with all your horrid germs pullulating inside you (can't be 'flushed' out as you've bunged yourself up with drugs), SHARING POP-CORN, oy vey, public health disaster, hardly anyone knows how to wash hands so that they are sterile, and if I found out my friend had had the runs there is no way on earth I'd share food which she guddles her hands in. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

So how do you wash your hands until they're sterile?

I knew someone would ask me that. Truth is, you can't get your hands STERILE unless you use the disinfectanty stuff surgeons use. But you can get most germs off and seriously curtail infection spreading by washing thusly:

Turn hot tap on. You need to be washing in water about as hot as you can bear. Take soap. Soap hands thoroughly. Spend AT LEAST one minute and preferably three rubbing the foam inbetween fingers and thumbs, over the palms as well as the backs, around the fingernails. Then pick up a clean scrubbing brush and scrub every centimetre, especially around and under nails. It's amazing how many people don't soap in between the fingers either, where it's nice and damp and stuff thrives. Rinse thoroughly. Dry thoroughly on a clean towel. Get someone else to turn the taps off.

Most of the time you'll be fine and dandy with a quick soap and rinse. You only need to get really thorough if you've just done a poo, or mopped up after a sick child, or have been handling raw chicken or pork. The main route of infection for tummy bugs is people who don't stop for a wash between the loo and the kitchen, or who don't clean the chopping-board between the raw chicken and the salad.

And anti-bacterial washes and wipes do more harm than good. No one uses them quite thoroughly enough (for the very good reason it'd be too complicated and fiddly and take too long) so the bacteria left are the super-duper extra savage grumpy bacteria, guaranteed to make you sick, and in the absence of their wimpy fellows using up most of the breeding space, they go wild. You're better off using hot water.

I really get annoyed by all the badly dubbed adverts for various products that have just been brought over and repackaged for the UK market.

All the children's nappy ones greatly disturb me. I dont NOT want to see half naked babies running around in nappies, half naked models of a legal age is one thing, but toddlers is just dodgy.

The various sanitry products can be pretty bad, I'm sure most woman in the world are find and educated about them. Dont have a problem with them at meal times as TV isn't something that goes with eating food.

Adverts around Pro Wrestlings really annoy me. Do I really need to see the same CENSORED clips of injuries that happen to people in this form of acting when I want to watch? Just because some yard tards broke their necks.

The ones on the wrestling channel annoy me as well. I dont need to see the same damn clip of Misawa lamping Kawda with a rolling elbow EVERY SINGLE TIME you advertise the AJPW stuff, or when the programmes start, or when you go to adverts or come back from them.