h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I walked into the HSBC on February 14th, and they had a huge valentines-theme display surrounded by heart-shaped balloons. An altruistic action by HSBC to make their customers' Valentines more memorable? No. In the middle of the display was a poster saying:

"You'll love our mortgages".

P*ss poor HSBC.

Absolutely p*ss poor.

I watch a lot of cable in the Los Angeles market and ads are pretty strongly targeted to the demographics of the shows watched. I usually like the ads I see, and consider them part of the entertainment value. Yes, I am exactly the sort of person who watches the Superbowl for the commercials.

But there's a pair of furry shrieking potatoes that are getting repeated for saturation purposes. I have no idea what is being sold, and they are harsh-sounding, ugly-looking, and squeaky enough to make me viscerally forget that I really wanted to watch the show I am looking at and I change the channel, or put the mute on and then forget that I am watching the television for 40 minutes or so since I am not looking at it. If the product or service is ever visible on the screen, I haven't noticed it yet.

I tell myself, vaguely, that I'd complain, but I just don't care enough about whatever it is that's being sold to give the minimum-wage clerk or phone answerer a clear idea about just whose commercial it is I am really hating.

I'm getting more reading done!

There's one recent ad that annoys me so much that I change channels whenever it starts. It's the one for Prudential insurance with the Scotsman walking along saying things like 'Gobble us no gook. Mumbo no jumbo.' Utterly pointless and utterly infuriating.

Whilst most of the "Think!" campaign are misconceived, this one is particularly galling...

It involves a motorcyclist coming out of a junction, and being hit by a car driver who hasn't seen him. The punchline, if I can call it that, is "watch out for the driver who hasn't seen you". Subliminal message? If a guy in a car runs you over, it was *your* fault. How cr@p is that?

RF

The THINK one that really annoys me has to be the one where the car hits the child, but wouldn't have done if the driver was going a couple of mph slower.

Firstly, that car has faulty brakes. Just look at them!

Secondly, what was the child doing in the road?

I propose that two new voiceovers are done for that advert:

"Think: Don't drive with crummy brakes"
"Think: Don't run out into a busy street".

Kids could be in a road for all sorts of reasons: Chasing a ball, out of contro on a bike/scooter/skateboard, pushed from a bus stop by his mates fooling around...

The point is that any car driver driving in that sort of situation should be able to stop literally at the drop of a hat, and they can't do that if they are driving too fast.

I actually 'like' that ad - it should be sending a message to the kids as well as to the drivers.

Most drivers seem to drive in a dreamworld. I think there's a lack of anticipation. The other day I was playing ball with the dog and the ball bounced off a tree and headed for a road. The driver in the approaching car didn't stop or slow down in any way. Fortunately the dog is trained to stop when it comes to roads.

That is exactly the problem. I live in a village where the speed limit is 30kph - it is a designated "Spielstrasse" (play street) and it is common not only in rural areas, but also in residential areas in big towns. It's a recognition that kids will play close to home where it's safe and the car drivers are *supposed* not only to give the kids right of way, but to anticipate things like balls etc.

So the hilarity when people are stopped by the police for speeding through at 70kph and then moaning about it is very very thin on the ground.

Sure, kids, dogs, horses, bike riders and all other road users are supposed to follow the highway code - but we should all assume that they don't and drive appropriately.

For me, I'd rather the "Think" ads were more graphic. Like the one with the voiceover telling us that Mr. Blah died in his sleep with his family around him.

oh... we really need a don't we?
sorry!

As I say, the problem is the one-sided aspect of the '35mph' Think ad. There are three problems (speed, faulty brakes, and kids running into the road). Focussing on one of them isn't a good idea.

And, before you ask, I think that driving at 35mph where kids *may* run into the road is incredibly stupid!

I tend to think that 'below speed limit safe, above speed limit dangerous' can be something of a curse, as it tends to discourage drivers from taking appropriate notice of the conditions. Is it really believable to say that driving at 40mph when there is no traffic when you can clearly see there are no pedestrians on the footway and there are no obstructions is more dangerous than driving at 30mph when the pavement is packed with school kids and there are numerous parked vehicles? I've very rarely felt unsafe while driving due to speed- far more worrying for me is general bad driving (incorrect indicators, failure to give way, cutting corners etc.).

But back on topic- what about those Senokot adverts and the 'feminine itching' ads that get shown in breaks in CSI on 5? They came right out of left field.

The Senokot ads I can cope with. What I hate about the 'feminine itching' ads (I think the product is called Vagisil) is that they are so obviously dubbed. The lip movements of the women in the ads don't match the words you hear. This is also true about the RoC face cream ad (can't remember the product name, but they claim it makes you look years younger). If a company can't be bothered to make an ad for the country where it will be shown, I can't be bothered to buy their products.

There's a vast, untapped seam of bad adverts with bad dubbing. I'd rather watch ads with obvious US accents (or ads in German, French, or whatever) than ones with bad dubbing.

There's more, aren't there? Senokot, Vagisil, and two others that always run together on 5 in the evening... The advertisers will need more than Senokot's gentle relief when I'm finished with them.

The adverts that really make me cross, speaking of 'feminine', are those ones in which the girl gets to be all clever and smug because her tampons are tiny and subtle and so no one will know *gasp* that the disgusting woman is actually *horrors* menstruating. Quite apart from the whole side issue of the fact all those plastic applicators etc. are really really really bad for the environment.

I long for an ad for 'sanpro' which involves a boyfriend or dad making tea and hot-water-bottle for his poor darling and offering to go buy her some more tampons because periods are a fact of life. Any man living with women would have to be very stupid or very warped in his horrid little mind to need the fact they menstruate so elaborately hidden from him. My fiancé is a charming maker-of-tea and supplier of tampons and chocolate, and so are all decent men. So let's educate the rest by showing them this decency rather than pander to their belief that periods are disgusting.

So there.

current most hated ads the yes car credit on with the stupid woman snapping her fingers and the coke one with the woman singing and giving drinks to people.

And what *is* that cr@p gear they've got her wearing all about? Who wears that? And why?

RF

Worst advert ever is being played every five minutes on BBC World at the moment, it is for some kind of energy company (I have blocked it out by the time it gets to that bit) and uses a nasty 70 or 80s electronic pop song that is JUST REALLY ANNOYING. Bleepy bleep bleep bleep bleep bleepy bleep bleep fake voice: 'well I talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it. Talk about, talk about, talk about moooovvvvving' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

I only have one english language channel available to me, but I am seriously tempted to just abandon BBC World because of this ad and stick to Canale 9 or some other italian thing that I won't understand a word of.

Hi Kelli

How frustrating for you. I was working in Monaco for just 2 weeks recently and was stuck with Sky News, BBC Prime (endless repeats of Porridge for some reason) and BBC World.

Sky News was the worst - there was some sort of trailer where the first line was "Aids is killing Africa" and it drove me mad - it was on every advert break.

That music by the way is Funky Town by Lips Inc. A classic 80's track that, had you not heard over and over and over, would probably get you on the dance floor for a boogie at your wedding (many congrats btw )

I hate adverts with "Housewives choice" Karl Howman in them absolutely awful everyone of them. I also detest adverts that shamelessly and with no sense of irony "borrow" ideas from films. So the latest flash advert where the mop persues the remote control car round the kithchen in the style pursuit on Endor in "Starwars" means Im avoiding commercials like the plague at the moment.

The Mint card adverts are realy anoying especialy the sneezing chap with the huge hooter, AARRGGHH..

Well, I do have Sky News available too, but I just won't watch that

I knew somebody would recognise the song - I did but couldn't come up with the name (I thought Funky Town went "Oh take me to...Funky town..." which isn't the same song). It seems to be played at an annoyingly plodding pace - can't imagine ever dancing to it!

LiaT - am still fizzing about it