h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok, erm, yeah. This girl and I had been friends for a while. Along the way we kinda both thought we had feelings for each other, but always put it down to things like it just being a rebound and we got on fine.

Then I think I really "fell" for her, or however you want to put it, so I made a move (in my clumsy way). She turned me down. She only wants to be friends.

Ok, so now the question is, when does this feeling go away? Has anyone else been in this situation, and the friendship survived? (Can I change her mind? Should I even try?)

Thanks Garentee

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that evil one .....
it would be very hard to change her mind, from what i understand the mind was made up long ago before you even asked whether u had an opportunity or not ... (i belive it cos ive read it in about 3 sepreate places). .. feeeling, would go away with time probs ... and with staying friends that could work ... welll you will have to ask someone who has actully been in the situation and got to the otehr side.

Something similar happened to me, although it was over a very long time and I didn't make a pass at her although we got close once or twice. And we still very good friends today and have been for 13 years or more.

The feeling doesn't go away although it does change and drop into the background, but this takes time.

I wouldn't attempt to try and change her mind. That could lead to disaster. Best let things lie as they are at the moment and see if anything developes. It may be that she just needs more time. On the other hand she may only want friendship from you and that isn't worth risking. Better to have a good friend than a lover-who-never-was and someone who was driven away.

It can be hard at times but a little self-control is no bad thing and the friendship can flourish.

It's a sure guarantee that everyone here has been in that situation. The feelings fade with time, but for a time they feel like they never will! Just my personal experience, but I've found that once *those* feelings get involved in a friendship, the friendship is never the same again.

I can see a couple of possibilities here. Either she just wants to be friends and her feelings won't grow and change, or she *may* (note the emphasis on *may*) develop stronger feelings but she's not ready for that yet.

My advice is to wait and see. Go back to being 'just friends' and take each day as it comes. Don't try to 'change her mind'. You could end up driving her away completely. I'm not sure what you mean by 'made a move', but if you mean what I think you mean being 'clumsy' won't have helped.

If you're really serious about her, try some old-fashioned 'courtship'. For example, the occasional bunch of flowers, box of chocolates, little gifts (they don't have to be big or cost a lot). Let her know how you feel about her in little ways - in your behaviour, the way you treat her, things you do for her/together. Over time her feelings *may* (there's that word again) grow. If you ever get the feeling that this has happened try 'making a move' again. Just try not to be so 'clumsy' - learn from your experience. And if her feelings never change, I'm afraid you're faced with a choice. Either accept that she'll never be more than a friend and continue to see her, or walk away from this. Either way, you'll have to look elsewhere for your future partner. It will hurt, but that's life I'm afraid.

I've never been in this situation as either party. This is just some advice that comes from standing on the outside and trying to apply some common sense / feminine insight. Hope it helps.

Thanks for the advice. Seems the general concensus is to leave it and just be friends. If something develops later on its own, well that would be great, but I should just be happy as friends.

She really is a good friend, and I don't want to drive her away. The scary thing (or good thing?) is that she is sorta my best friend. I've told her things nobody else knows about me. And she's done the same.

But I think I will follow your advice and be just a friend.
Thanks everyone. (Especially the female perspective. )

i know what you mean ... u get to know her you trust her , then since you trust her so much you would like to go further ....but it dosn't work because quite afew times she has already desided that the furtherest she wanted to go is just friends...

This is a hard one.Most of us have unfortunately been there though.Sometimes its possible to see someone as too much of a friend to see them as anything else..it just starts to feel wrong. The feelings will fade eventually,it may help to spend some time apart to deal with that though.

I have been there, too.

It was a hard work in a way but we managed to stay friends with him and now he is the dearest friend I ever had. This love/friendship thing happened about 17-18 years ago and we both have our families now etc. But I know he is always there for me if I really need a friend.

Ok I thought like this once had a very close friend I was interested in for about 6 months. I finally told her and she said no, she's too close a friend. Didn't make sense to me / could have been an excuse. Anyway I still like her (a bit) but at that time someone else was also interested and I started spending time with then. Turned out we were a much better match and I ended up fancying her much more than the other girl I thought I loved...

im about to hit this brick wall

won't help, tell you what does thoug, talking to the girl normally, cos while im talking to her, it take my mind off her and we are just friends ........... then i go away and think ..... i like her more than a friend..... thankfully it didn't reach i love her, i just like her more than the friend that she is ....

Well then you've got to decide if you can take just being friends and nothing else happening between you..and if you really dont think you can,walk away.

oh i know, im going for the friends option, very good friend to have. i don't do anything other than what a friend would do, don't wanna ruin it, but she knows taht i like her, though i havn't talked her about it and she hasn't bin funny or anything, im sure it will work

So you havent talked to her about it? then how do you know thats all she wants?

as far as i know at the moment she is kinda interested with someone else.

I'ts possible to be interested in more than one person y'know

shut up, its easier to handle it if i think she dosn't

above ment in a nice way