h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Queegle - thanks very much. I shall be writing more soon.

Gnomon - thank you also. I ought to explain that when I call myself an incurable optimist, I am using 'incurable' in its literal sense, since my cancer cannot be cured and so, it seems, must kill. I'm just trying to suggest that, given that sad truth, I still have some cause for optimism, though obviously within a somewhat limited ambit.

I do wonder what people in your position, and that of my children, should do for the best, if they feel they might be genetically predisposed to a type of cancer that cannot be detected early enough by any normal routine self-examination and remains asymptomatic until well advanced. Cancer screening services are very limited, especially on our side of the pond I think - they are only just beginning to talk about routine screening for prostate cancer, let alone any other kind.

On the other hand, all sorts of advances are being made, and ten years is quite a long time in cancer research. Cancer is sexy these days, and there are votes in it too.

My personal, non-medical advice would be to pay close attention to your bowel habit and insist on a thorough investigation if there is any change at all, even an isolated incident. This is the 'you can't be too careful' approach.

Not everyone could do this, of course. It can be very difficult to accept that you might have cancer, especially if the evidence is flimsy. I still find it hard enough to believe, even though I've seen the evidence with my own eyes. It's easy enough to accept with the logical part of the brain, but there's some other part of one's consciousness that stubbornly remains in denial for quite a while. It's very weird.

Hi Bels,
just thought I'd let you know that I'm checking in to see how you're doing every now and then. I think of you often because I have some idea of how you're family is feeling. When Dad was having his treatment my Mum could not let herself not fear the worst. If she relaxed and the doctors had got it wrong she would have had to go through the awful shock part twice. I was the opposite. I had to believe he was going to be all right unless somebody told me different. I had to be optimistic because it was too hard to be any other way. Dad just let everyone else do the worrying for him. He's always been like that and I think it's the best way to be.

Stay strong,
Ythika

hello Bels

Hope you don't mind complete a stranger hugging you! Have read through your diary and went through a whole range of emotions - but most of them quite positive ones, strangely enough? I think it is your wonderful humour and exceptional writing skills that have made even the difficult bits a pleasure to read (hope that isn't taken the wrong way).

I teach private English classes in Seville and one of my jobs is to go twice a week to the Nuclear medicine dept of the general hospital to teach three of the doctors there, including the head of the dept. Have been doing this for over a year and I am still moved when I walk in and see all of the people waiting to have their PET scans done. I wonder what is passing through their minds and hearts and am reminded myself that, in comparison, my worries are so small compared to these people's. I also pass through the computer room that shows the rather eerie-looking scan results on the screen, showing a constantly turning computerised body image with dark patches where the tumours are.

Have learned quite a bit about the PET procedure during the past year or so. The doctors I work with are very concerned about maintaining 'quality of life' for all their patients and, I think like one of your doctors, don't treat these people as if they are 'ill' per se, but as you say, as an otherwise healthy person with a tumour (or tumours). Have also learned that sometimes the scariest looking twirling images on the computer screens - the ones with lots and lots of dark spots - are not necessarily the worst cases at all and often will respond to treatment very well.

I think this 'project' of yours is admirable. I'm sure it will end up being quite therapeutic not only for yourself but for all of us who read your entries.

I think I can safely say I speak for all of us here that we send you much love and support and if there is ever anything more we can do, then just say the word. It sounds like you have a very good support system with Mrs. Bel and the Baby Bels (small, round and cheesy!)

Meanwhile, shall continue to check in with you and read your updates. Stay strong, Bel. And, oh what the heck, another couple of these Can never get too many hugs in this life, that's what I say.

kissitos,
az

Ythika - thanks for checking in. I really appreciate that.

azahar - thanks so much. Are there any strangers, or are there only friends we haven't met yet? Whichever, it's great getting hugs! I know very little about PET, though what I do know sounds as though it's an amazing technology. I'll find out more about it when I have some spare time. Is it anything to do with laser treatment? I've been offered the possibility of laser treatment at some future date if things go well with me, but as far as I'm concerned it's pie in the sky at the moment. We'll just have to see how things turn out.



Bels

I've been trying to update the entry, but there's very little basic cancer info in the Guide at the moment that I can refer to, and I don't really want to be clogging my 'journal' entry up with that sort of stuff, so I've meanwhile written a separate entry giving the basics, which my personal enquiries show that a lot of otherwise knowledgeable people are very sketchy about. So here it is: A1079642

So there's something else to read while waiting for the next update, which should be coming up real soon now (as they say).

Bels

There's quite a bit more to write about now, but I've been eating, sleeping, breathing and dreaming cancer for too long now, and it's beginning to do my head in. I'm finding myself doing some really stupid things, and weird stuff, and saying things I wish I hadn't said, and so on. I think this is caused by stress, and anger, and suchlike.

Anyway it's all been too cerebral and I need to just chill out. I need to take walks, and eat ice-cream, and watch old movies, and play lots of music. So just to sum up for now, I'm now on chemotherapy with Xeloda, a rather super drug that I'm very happy about, and I'm about to start a course of radiotherapy, with trips to Tumourworld Mon-Fri every week for five weeks, which I expect will leave me feeling a bit wiped out. So if things go a bit quiet here for a while (well, for a couple of days anyway!) you'll all understand why and I hope won't be too concerned. I'll be lurking.

Bels

hi Bels,

Can perhaps - maybe - imagine how focussing on the cancer thing has been doing your head in.

<>

You shouldn't worry about that stuff. Give yourself a massive break! Anyone in your situation would be doing something at least similar. And anyhow, you are so lovely. At least that is the sense I have got of you. This is not the time to get self-critical. Just do and be whatever is necessary. For you!

<>

Sounds very healthy and sane to me. You do whatever you need to be doing and you will find all of us still here when - or if - you want to get back to this thread.

I'll still check in daily. You just take care of yourself the best way you know how.

much love,
az

Bels,

We haven't met in here yet, but having just read your diary article, I think you are one of the bravest people I have seen.

I couldn't imagine what it is like to live with something like that, touch wood no-one in my family has been diagnosed with cancer as far as I know.

I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you and your family, and thank you for an insight into this world. (I did laugh at the Tumourworld description)

KJ

Hi Bels

Hope the chemo and radio-therapy go well for you. We'll all be rooting for you. Now I wonder where that phrase originated?

On a practical note, I know chemo can sometimes make mouths a bit 'miserable'. Corsodyl Mouthwash and Gel can be used to keep your mouth comfortable if it's not possible to use a toothbrush/floss for the usual sort of daily care - the oral bacteria tend to go a bit loopy when the immune system's down for maintenance! Apologies if the people at Tumourworld have already dealt with this one for you - it certainly seems like you're getting fabulous care from everyone.

Hugs to Mrs Bels and the BabyBels - and to you. And a swift kick up the jaxsie to old Mr Tumour and his chums!

And don't worry too much about doing 'stupid' or 'weird' things - a completely normal reaction to what's going on at the moment - those who love you will understand and the rest don't matter.

Wishing you lots of good chill-out stuff - and if that doesn't have the desired effect, knock seven bells out of a cushion or two! I find it doesn't substantially change much but it makes me feel better.

Teuchter (Destroyer of Soft Furnishings)

Hi Bels,

Let me join you in a spoonful or two of ginger-flavoured icecream, a cup of tea and a nice film. Sounds great!


Gubie

Hi Gubie

Well since you wrote that marvellous entry at A1047692 for my Bernstein project, you'll have to come round and watch the video of West Side Story And Candide.

Ginger I have large stocks of, so you're welcome; but you'll have to bring me some mint choc chip.


Bels

I'm still looking for the mint choc chip....

I may be a bit older than some on the site and seen a few people go through cancer. My wife was recently diagnosed with breast cancer - has had surgery and is about to start chemotherapy.

When we were talking to the breast care nurse she mentioned that there were different prostheses for different events/activities. A special one for a swimming suit (remember to squeeze it out or you'll leave a trail of water back to the changing room), one for low cut dresses, and so on.

I smiled at my wife and said "You'll have a drawer full" The nurse turned to me with a bit of a frown and said "Did you say they're awful?"

I have a close friend at work who has rectal cancer. She says it's a real pain in the proverbial.

Glad to see the visiting hours are still crowded Bels. Thought I'd just pop by to say hello and bring in the grape supply. Mint ice cream with chocolate chips too, will that do? Whoops so sorry just snaffled a quick grape. Back soon if I can get past matron.
take care
boots

Hey Bels.

Just discovered this and just had to give you my best wishes.
Keep smiling mate.

Bob

I'm another late arrival.

Things are not always what we believe - I had a heart attack 4 years ago, and for about 5 days I thought I was going to die. I'm still here, we've even had another baby since then - though that wasn't planned.

All the best.....

Hi Bel sweetie,

Just checking in. Still taking time off? Is there anything any of us could do for you? Say the word.

much love,
az

I really wanted the light green coloured, mint flavoured ice cream with chocolate chips in it.

But I'm not getting too obsessive about this

I've been told that M&S do a white coloured thing with a chocolate ripple and minty crispy bits. That might do at a pinch.

Can you FedEx ice cream

no, but I bet that, depending where you live, there is some sort of ice cream delivery service available.

az