h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...a reporter for the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (Earth Edition) who pointed out that the boy wasn't wearing a shirt, at which the girl jumped away hurridly. The boy was rather annoyed about this, as he had figured out he was quite enjoying the feeling of tears being dried across his groin in person.

He had actually gotten as far in his thinking as to realize that just maybe the old wizard had been onto something when he brought the large breasted screaming star to his room, and maybe there was more to life than rollerskates, when suddenly, the lights went out.

A low moaning sound slowly evolved into a chorus of....

...the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing "Follow the Yellow Brick Road" backwards in E-major whilst juggling rubber chickens and riding unicycles made entirely of Bob Evans Breakfast Sausage.

The boy, having finally remembered that he was in a cage with a girl, naked, and being taken to a horrible fate worse than Belgium, quickly asked the Guide reporter for a towel, knowing no Guide reporter would ever be without one. As the reporter handed him the towel, his guide fell from his pocket into the cage.

The boy and girl reached for the Guide simultaneously, and so it's hard to say just who's finger actually hit the green button, but...

... the next instant they were in the belly of a whale with something dangling in a cup full of hot tea. A flowerpot was nearby, so the boy picked it up. All of a sudden...

the light went out. Dropping the flowerpot, the boy suddenly realised that his feet were begining to be digested by the Whale's stomach juices.
"I'd better get out of here quick" said the boy to himself. He produced a penknife and began to carve his way through the Whale's innards. "If I can get to the Whale's liver, imagine the masculine essence I can consume" he thought....

as the big, brown liver came closer and closer and he started to drool. He took a big bite of it, and whaleblood where dripping from his mouth. When he was just going to take another bite, the girl screamed "Look!!!!!"
He turned around just in time to see a piece of a harpoon coming in through the whales stomach! Obviously someone was trying to catch the whale they where inside of!

However, the boy quickly forgot about the harpoon when he realized the whale was female and that all the essence he had been consuming in the liver was female essence.

Deciding that the harpoon could be better dealt with by some tree hugging wildlife fanatics, he and the girl instead began forming a support group called "Friends of Tallulah", and had just gotten their web server up and running, when the whale finally became aware that someone was eating it's liver and with a mighty "BLEAARGGHHH!!!" vomited the two of them in a high arc right onto...

A floating Starbucks coffee house, which promptly kicked them out on the grounds that they weren't wearing a shirt or shoes or, in fact, anything. Luckily the floating Macy's was nearby...

...and the Thanksgiving Day parade was just starting [how apropos]. Quickly, the two of them darted into the crowds of people and soon were able to blend in--or so they thought....

Unfortunately, two naked people tend to stand out in a crowd, even in New York. They would have blended in much better had they bought clothing at the Macy's, Sak's 5th Avenue, or Big Bob's Clothing Hut, but they had no money. This was because the human body, despite its many conveniences, lacks built-in pockets. 3 stories up, someone spotted them through high-powered binoculars. They ran down the stairs, or rather tried to. It's difficult to run in an evening gown and high heels...

Thought Tallulah as he/she ripped the dress off, "and, it's Biff's gown besides! Not to mention I look dreadful in Red!"

The garter and fishnets allowed him/her to sprint down the stairs quickly, but as he reached the street the boy and girl were gone.

Across the street however, an old man eyed him suspiciously. An old man who looked amazingly like...

...Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars. However, this was a total coincidence, as he actually was...

... the old wizard, dressed in a dark green clingy number, with sequins and a red lace shawl.

The wizard glanced through his make-up in the direction to which the naked couple had disappeared. He followed a trail of tiny glass pieces which had apparently been drizzling from the girls eyes. "I wonder why she's crying," he mused as he followed. Little did he know that a mad dog was not more than 100 paces behind him (well, fifty paces, but 100 in dog-paces). Head bent to the task of searching out the next tiny colourful particle, the wizard moved on...

...and suddenly ran smack into a tree. As he lay slightly dazed at the base of said tree, the mad dog quickly covered the hundred paces and proceeded to relieve itself on the tree, thoroughly dampening the wizard in the process. The wizard, unbelievably shocked at this indignity, pulled himself together and...

The dog, that was a little, chihuahua followed the Wizard, growling and ready to attack... unfortunately chihuahuas are quite small, so the wizard didn't really feel any threat of this snarling animal.. He was just going to step on it to get rid of it, when suddenly..

...the dog ran through a hole in the fence and disappeared.

The wizard looked up just in time to see somone naked disappear into a doorway. Quickly running to the door, he threw it open and...

... all he found was the top of a bikini.

Realizing he was in the wrong song, he...

went back out onto the road and this time saw the boy and girl disappearing into a park. Obviously they had decided that a park was a much more suitable place to be naked than on the street. Following their lead the Wizard threw off his gray gown and followed them.

A nearby cat, seeing the wizard's ancient.. well... dangly bit, screamed in that blood-curdling cat's way and ran straight up the nearest tree so fast he neglected to stop at the top branch and was soon climbing thin air. Upon realizing this, of course, he looked at the camera and held up a sign that read, "Uh oh" and plummetted back down, taking off several branches as he went. Of course, even after such a crash he remained unhurt, so he picked up his teeth and put them in a little bag and sauntered off.

Meanwhile, the streaking wizard...

was apprehended by the Barbadian police who had received a call relating to a naked old man chasing two naked youths through a park. However, after establishing that he had no intention whatsoever of lobbing any liver at the youngsters they set him free. The wizard continued ...

... but by now the weasels had gathered the tiny bits of glass that were apparently the tears of the girl with kalaidescope eyes, so the trail was cold. "Oh drats!" he thought to himself, "Now I shall have to whip up a spell to find the trail. Sheesh! Kids today! Have they no concept of the energy it takes for a location spell??" Soon he was on about the business of gathering ingredients.

Meanwhile, the naked couple...