h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Guilty as charged.

Sadly, I cannot trust my fellow man even to press a button properly.

Even if he does press it, it's in the wrong order.

Ah that's like standing in the road at a bus stop - everyone knowns the bus will arrive sooner if you do that.

Similarly with the button.

The latest one to annoy me was on a tram. But trains and lifts do it as well.

Oh yes, bus queues that meander so that everyone can watch out for the bus arriving. Fair enough, there are several different buses (going to opposite destinations) so you need to be sure to get the right one. They all stop there anyway.
But the queue straggles all over the pavement so pedestrians can't get past easily.

And those pedestrians who press the button on pedestrian crossings when there is no real need and then cross at the red man so that when you turn up in your car, the lights are red but there's nobody crossing or waiting to cross.

I'm sure this has been mentioned before.

PP

I read somewhere that most of the "Close Door" buttons in lifts (elevators) are not connected. They are only there to let the passengers feel like thay have some control. The lifts continue to operate on their cycles regardless.

No they don't.

Dealing with the likes of TNT or DPD couriers.

I had a bit of a problem today which became so stupidly complicated that I can't be bothered to detail it here (and it is a really dull read).

Easily remedied by better communication and not misleading the recipient about what they can / will or can't / won't do.

Oh, and providing an easily found telephone number to call.

And keeping a note of what was said!

Call 1.
"Do NOT try to re-deliver on Monday. Like YOU I have to go to work. I won't be there.".

Call 2.
"So what now?"
"We'll deliver it on Monday."
"I won't be there Monday. Like YOU, I have to go to work."
"Tuesday......."

I'm going to drive to the depot to collect it after work on Monday. 12 miles away.

(Had this been the Royal Mail I could have picked it up in the centre of my own town, a 5 minute detour, after work).

PP.

OK... from the HHGttG BBC TV series, I know what a "zebra" crossing is. I get it, stripes. But wth are "pelican" and "toucan" crossings? And why the frequent association with animals to describe various crossings?

I suppose having started with zebras (fairly reasonable name for black & white stripes) they just carried on:

https://www.safedrivingforlife.info/blog/whats-difference-between-zebra-puffin-and-pelican-crossings

But a Toucan isn't black and white.

Pelican: Strictly speaking it's a pelicON crossing - PEdestrian LIght CONtrolled. Roughly equivalent to the American WALK/DON'T WALK crossings, but with red and green men instead of words.

Toucan: A pelian crossing for pedestrians and cyclists. Two (types of people) can use it. I assume that they exist for situations where there's a cycle path next to a pedestrian path and the local council doesn't want cyclists riding across the road. The crossing has red and green bikes as well as the men.

Puffin: Pedestrian User Friendly crossing. An update to the pelican crossing. This allows a pedestrian to cross as soon as the sensors decide it's safe to stop the traffic. If the pedestrian crosses before the lights have changed, the request to cross is cancelled so that traffic isn't stopped unnecessarily.

Toucan crossings are ones for both pedestrians and cyclists, so two can cross at the same time.

I don't know why there are associations with animals for these things, though. Do people know these days that a pelican crossing is PEdestrian LIght CONtrolled? Do people know which crossings are pelican crossings rather than Pedestrian User Friendly INtelligent ones? How will the cross the road?

Does anyone remember Panda crossings?

http://www.cbrd.co.uk/articles/pedestrian-crossings/pdf/panda.pdf

The stripe pattern was actually closer to a zebra's stripes.

They didn't catch on:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/april/2/newsid_2840000/2840919.stm

(I often use that particular crossing - it's a Pelican today)


They were replaced by the X-Ways:

http://www.cbrd.co.uk/articles/pedestrian-crossings/pdf/x-ways.pdf


... and then the Pelican.


I think that exhausts most of the fauna-based nomenclature for controlled pedestrian intersection schemes.


Oh, apart from:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duck_crossing

I have many similar stories I could tell, Mr Paisley. Thing is many couriers now have excellent methods for communicating and ensuring you get your parcel when and where you want, even on the day of delivery. So it can and is being done. Couriers who still operate for their own convenience only, should be boycotted and forced to invest in these new tracking and communication technologies or forced out of business.

It's usually easy to tell the difference between Pelican and Puffin crossings. Pelican crossings have the red/green man above head height on the opposite side of the road to the person wishing to cross, Puffin crossings have it at roughly eye level on the same side of the road. The buttons are different, too. The ones on Puffin crossings are surrounded by red LEDs that light when the button is pressed. The ones on Pelican crossings don't have this.

Is that right? I thought the ones with the red and green lights at eye level on the same side of the road as the pedestrian were just new versions of the pelican. I'm almost certain the two ones I use need you to press the button before they will stop the traffic, and if you cross before the pedestrian light goes green they stop the traffic anyway, so they don't seem INtelligent...

And as the man is low down, you've no idea if the button is pressed if someone stands in front of it…

Part of me is tempted to use this conversation as the basis of a collaborative entry on animal road crossings…

<BB<

When I was a little girl, my parents dressed me and my sister up as belisha beacons (long white dresses that we had worn as bridesmaids, horizontal black stripes of crepe paper tacked on and on our heads, orange balloons. We held a zebra crossing made of plastic between us.

We didn't win.

Here are two favourites from the German Highway code about animals which can cross the road unexpectedly at certain times of the year.

Krötenwanderung (Toads crossing)

http://www.bussgeldkatalog-mpu.de/bussgeld/verkehrszeichen/145-15-amphibienwanderung-verkehrszeichen.php

Wildwechsel

http://www.strassenschilder.de/gefahrenzeichen/wildwechsel/
showing a leaping deer.

My husband says that he heard that one question in the driving test could be "what does this sign (the deer one) mean?" One of the options is "The Leaping Stag Inn up ahead". I suspect this is an urban myth, but we still can't pass the sign without saying "Gasthaus zum Springenden Hirsch".

The dressing up was for a fancy dress competition at the village fete, I feel I must add. They didn't just dress us up for fun!