h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That reminds me of this joke:

Two sisters, inherit the family ranch. They decide to buy a bull to breed their own cows. One sister their last $600 - there were quite a few funeral expenses for their dear old dad, not to mention the inheritance tax - to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

She arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. It costs $600, but after a bit of bargaining, they settle on $599.

She'd left the trailer at home, not having planned on bringing the bull home right away, and there's no cell phone reception, so she goes into town and walks into the telegraph office and tells the operator she needs to send a message to her sister.

The telegraph operator says that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the farmer only has $1 left. She realises that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable'."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The farmer explains, "My sister's blonde, she'll read it slow."

Talking like you're from the south end of London is a sign of poor education, imo (if you are not). Everyone should be taught English like foreigners are- properly! Mind you, my dialect isn't so bad and neither are some of them in the UK but some of them (like Belfast) make me want to rip my ears off.

H*m*b*s* paint. I've gone and done it again. Like the colours, forget about the fact their paint doesn't stick to anything, and end up having to do three coats before it looks almost decent.

I hate it when people say "microwave" when referring to a microwave oven.

Even worse is "ATM machine"

My mom has a very annoying habit of singing the melody when a song she likes is playing. Not quietly either. She can sing, so it could be worse, but I just want to listen to the song!

PIN number, DAT tape, the list goes on.

It's Redundant Acronym Syndrome, or RAS Syndrome for short.

"I hate it when people say "microwave" when referring to a microwave oven. "

Yeah, and people who say 'radio' when they mean 'RF receiver and demodulator', 'light' when they mean 'light bulb' and 'X-ray' when they mean 'X-ray' machine.

Exactly. What's wrong with abbreviations - IF in the area where they are used, there is a negligible risk of confusion with something else?

I have to speak up in defence of 'ATM machine'. If it wasn't for ATM machines, I'd have nowhere to type my PIN number and withdraw £pounds sterling to buy VCR Recorders.

Personally I find my ECU unit very helpul in making my car run ok...

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - tinny speeded up dance versions of classic hits used by skinny manic aerobics instructors, who cheerfully go "I love this wee song!" while forcing you to do high kicks to an ear-beleedingly awful rendition of China in Your Hand (which incidentally, since it doesn't have nice 8 and 16 bar phrases, is very frustrating to dance to...)

Ew. Dance mixes that wreck the song- I nearly keeled when I heard a dance version of U2's One the other day.

Who decided to remix that song? Even worse, who decided to let them?

I don't know, nor do I care but I think I might kill them if I do find out.

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How about the fact that the "Service Unavailable" page we keep getting lately has

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