h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"...and then the monkey said "but monsieur elephant, mon b******s *are* francais, how would I parlez vous mon genitalia otherwise" and the elephnat said "I'm not taking this, I don;'t believe in God" and stormed out of the Louvre..."

"...well, round five...thats familiar. Ahh, yes the Brigadier. Now, what did he use to say? Five rounds rapid should finish the blighter off, Benton! The Master- I should have known this was your doing!"

Wasn't that Claire Rayner?

No, Clare Rayner was never in charge of the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce.
"...then of course I poured gold dust into thier ventilation systems. The Cyberleader never forgave me for that. Oh well, you can't please everyone.
So, its a star shaped mathematical badge of excellence for our winners, and oblivion in the singularity of a black hole with only the company of a rogue Time Lord for our losers. Good Night!"

... this awful woman, Shirely I think she was... *huge* thighs, and when she walked they rubbed together and made this amazing sound, shooolppp shooolppp, just like that it was... yah.....

For anyone's who's enough to know who Tom Baker actually said that lot of b******s about....

You don't mean Sarah Jane do you. Who was initially Jon Pertwee's assistant when the Doctor was banished to earth.

Certainly not! How could anyone describe the lovely Liz Sladen like that! No, it was after his time as the Doctor, and it was an MP.

Dame Shirley Williams one of the Four founders of the SDP.

21 hours long, and already 5 pages! And featuring some heavy duty topic drift.

You sad, sad b*****d DD

I'm a Lib Dem you have to know some of the lights who transformed the party way back when.

Oh yes Jack Dee would be perfect.He'd be able to keep Merton in line.Excellent suggestion.

Incog.

Lib Dem eh? You know, I think there's guidelines about admitting that sort of thing in public....

Haven't been yikes about it yet. Besides I've just applied for a job working for one of them.

"!So, the atheist elephant was charging round Paris in a right state, destroying Notre Dame and suchlike, and the monkey's chasing after him going "Non, non, Ne pas le b'****ks. NE PAS LE B'*****KS!" and the monkey gets very emotional at this point and starts quoting mother theresa (only in french) at the poor bewildered elephant. And then all of a sudden President Chirac said "I'm terribly sorry, I've lost your trousers. Paul?"

Would this be a good time to admit, neigh, declare that I am a Lib Dem voter?
Jack Dee or Clive Anderson would be fine by me. Possibly Simon Hoggart, although they would need to find someone to replace him on The News Quiz.

I don't see why Simon Hoggart couldn't do both.

And, hell, I'm a member of the Liberal Democrats, never mind a voter

OK_ post 81- b******s is not starred. Post 96 it is. Both times it is in the same context-that of French Monkey genitalia.

Well, you can declare that if you wish, I'll just sit here and smile conde... conda... condesendingly at you. Better than not voting at all, I supose...

[for context sake, I should point out that in our local area we have the crappist Lib Dems ever, come election time they look positively embarrased to be trying to hand out leaflets]