h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey! Who put that in your ? And get your out of that are you ? Don't that thing, you don't know where it's been! Obviously you it... I must leave before I become .

You've just described Saturday night for Mr. Legion and GTB

Apparition! Stand up straight when you address those more highly evolved than... oh, what? Your spine is just shaped like that? *Who* broke your back in six places to teach you to stop oozing pus on their carpet? Oh, I see. *You* claim it was your mother, but *she* denies any relation.

Good job, too.

As for you, cl zoomer, would you kindly tell me your family name, country of origin, and religous affiliation, so I know what general types of people to avoid? Your voice is so shrill it makes air regret that it can carry sound. Maybe you'd fit in better in the vacuum of space.

"Maybe you'd fit in better in the vacuum of space." You want cl zoomer in your head

I'll leave now before you toss off another dwarf. And as for that other stain in the toilet bowl, kindly point that thing on your head from which emerges sound (and various bodily fluids) toward someone who appreciates the art of puppetry with excrement.

to borrow from another researcher. This is why I can't quite understand the cr@p you're talking.

"Anal-cranial inversion is not the same as being analy retentive.

It's a far more serious condition afflicting the (eager) victim with a number of symptioms characterized by the desire to delve ever deeper into the nether regions in search of the source of light reputed to exist therein. Once there, the afflicted remain to not only enjoy the familiar surroundings but also to make full use of the acoustic properties of that oriface for public speaking."

Wow... I need to stop by here more often to hone my insults.

<insulting, derogatory, not fit for young uns.]

Let's see... All of you aren't fit to lick the stinking offal from between my toes. Bow down and sniff my anal vapor, festering knobgobblers.

How's that?

Off to look at previous posts...

Vile pretender! The odours described are all produced by you and obviously cloud the vision of those bloody pus sacks you use as eyes!

I hate you and you smell. Beware this isn't generalised at all. I mean you, specifically. Just something about the way you breathe makes me really unable to stand you you irrating mush bag, you callous on the rear-end of the universe, you substitute PE teaching phlegm-ball. Yes YOU.

Well your name says it all. I don't need to waste time.

Hey Apparition, you don't need to waste air either, and yet you continue breathing.

Fat Mammoth, you're just wrong. You're wrong, and you dress like a whore.

Lentilla - "knobgobblers"? Thanks for transporting me back to the sixth grade! Oh, you dress like a whore, too.

You all dress like whores.

Your obsession with dressing like a whore stems from your sexual attraction to your mother

Ah, you're just jealous cos my mother could actually be considered attractive. Even a blind, deaf, nasally-congested man who could get past your mother's shrillness, disfigurement and stench would be put off by her scaly, leprous flesh.

But I shouldn't talk about your poor mother like this. It's not her fault she had to make herself revolting, as pennance for bringing you into the world.

- here's to mothers!

Mother? You had no mother! You were the vile result of the unnatural coupling of two ugly males. Your nearest relative was flushed.

Many Whores are kind, good-hearted, intelligent people who just happen to have sex for money. Many also have good dress sense.

I'm afraid that none of this can be said for you. Yes I'm still talking to you so don't look away or feel smug!

I don't think understand how much I hate you.

Imagine something beautiful, sweet and innocent. Like a puppy, if cute adorable puppy, kitten, or baby.

Now imagine it being thrown into a tank full of hungry pirahnas. As it's ripped limb from limb (and if you find octupi or spiders beautiful, sweet and innocent this will be a long and agonising experience) imagine the look of torment and confusion on its face, as if its asking "What did I ever do wrong to deserve this? All I wanted was to be loved..."

If you imagine this vividly enough, you will now realise the deep emotional pain I feel that you are living on the same planet as me.

That was elaborate. You tried really hard, Fat Mammoth. You utterly failed to convince us that you have an IQ larger than your shoe size, or any friends, or the ability to control your bowels in public, but you really, really tried.

If you had anything approaching the dignity of your run-of-the-mill vertebrate, I'd say that's worth something... but it's not.

BTW, your eyes are too close together. And your acne is really repellent; please cover yourself.

Well I just think you're all a bunch of melons.

You are both insignificant. In fact it pains me to point out to you that your passing will have the same effect on the universe as your birth and life, which is to say absolutely nothing. It pains me because this is probably the first time anyone has acknowledged your existence. I only do so out of pity. You may now die.

Melons, at least, are good to eat.
Phucorlea's only good to beat!



Yeah, go on, insult my poetry now, you syphilitic eaters of other people's vomit!

*A bunch of Melons*??
Wasn't that Oscar Wilde, with a reference to Shakespeare? I hope your stubby, fat little fingers didn't get sore over the hour it took you to type that short sentence. Best you put them back up your nose, where they live.