h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just as long as you can remember where your towel is, that's the main thing

Usually to massage the egos of the actors, who decide that at this point they feel so-and-so would have stood up and given a three-hour oration, rather than just muttered "oh bugger" like it says in the script. And the bullet would only have wounded them. And they would have got the girl. And become immensely rich in the process. But apart from that it's just like the book. Oh, and we changed the name. And the gender of half the caharacters. And so on and so on and so on.

I just bought a IIsi for £10, and it will make a really stylish doorstop until I absolutely need to read a Mac 800k floppy...

I always know where my towel is....

TM.

The phone system in the UK is great - any number beginning 0845 is local, or 0345, or...... Unless you use BT Internet, when it costs you 1p MORE than the local rate. Oh, and all mobile numbers now begin 07.... except the ones that haven't been changed since they set the system up. And London was 0171 or 0181, after it was 01, but now it's 020 + some totally different number, so 10% of the population now have to tell the other 90% their new phone numbers, via email of course........
Isn't telecoms wonderful?

Not to mention -
'turn your face to the wall my darling, as the bedstead men go by....'

An extremely litereate chap was MICKFLAN, England.

I think we need a new thread - this one is getting far too complicated.

I should do a lot of things.

This is from a friend of my father who works in a computer shop.
He got a phone call one day from a woman who said that the cup holdder on her computer was broken and would it be possible to get a new one?
Mystefied, the man asked if she had got some kind of bonus cup holder when she got her computer.
Oh no, the woman assured. This one was built into the computer. Every time she wanted to use it she pressed the little button on it and it popped right out.

(For those that didn't catch on, the woman was up for several hundred dollars for her new 'cup holder' aka CD ROM. It was politely suggested that she might want to do a computer course on basic computers. And just use a coaster.)

Or of Mr T with his Tall Teeth.

Just don't ever walk into a room full of dwaggies carrying a sword and proclaiming yourself a master dragon-slayer... Unless you bring the BBQ sauce!

I come from Oz and most companies over here don't either, but I meant: If you happen to know this, would you choose one over the other?

Thanks, BTW. I'm using the results for my report. I think I'll put it on h2g2 when I've finished, so all you lovely people who filled out my questionnaire can find out how helpful it was.

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That one is really a classic.

As a result of the last set of changes the UK now has the same potential numbering capacity as the United States of America, but they've still contrived to run out of numbers in places like London and Reading over the very brief intervening period.

In theory there are now enough numbers for every single person in the UK to have ten separate phone lines. Think about it. Home, Second home line, ISDN line, Mobile, Fax, Office Fax, Office direct dial and office ISDN line, and you've still got two spare. Yet they managed to run out.

This is due to two factors: (a) there is no financial penalty on OFTEL or BT for cocking up everybody's phone numbers. If they had to compensate people (especially businesses) for the disruption, you can bet your life they would have got it right first time; and (b) gross incompetence on the part of the network planners, who seem to be working on the M25 principle (put massive effort into building something to carry projected traffic volumes which have already been exceeded before you start).

I suppose we can take comfort from the fact that this massive cock-up won't dent the share price of British Telecom, the UKs most profitable company.

Hmmm. The IIsi was never my favourite machine, but I've seen IIcis in graphics shops running Acrobat Distiller and doing Quark output until quite recently.

We showed Trois Hommes Et Un Couffin at University, and it was universally acknowledged to be both better and funnier than the American version.

There is a long tradition of Hollywood studios taking revered French films and remaking them in a crass and facile way. But since the films are French and I'm English the offence must surely be less serious than ruining a film which, after all, starred Noel Coward

If you want to read more user stories (for moral support or just to fritter the day away), try:

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

It's also an urban legend. About a year ago the IT trade journal 'Computing' ran an item where they asked people for evidence that such questions actually cropped up. They said that if no evidence was forth-coming the stories would be declared fictitious, and any one found perpetuating them would be forced to eat their own article.

Another story that they wanted to declare fictitious was users phoning tech. support and asking which was the 'Any' key. As in 'Press any key to continue'. Unfortunately for 'Computing', computer manufacturer Compaq changed their manuals (also about a year ago), because of just that question. The manuals now read 'Press Enter to continue'.

Carl Sagan died in 1996, but you're absolutely right anyway.

Unfortunately -most- of these 'classic helpdesk questions' -have- been asked... many times.

The other day I was at my brothers. His girlfriend was complaining that she had just installed new ink cartridges in the printer, cleaned them at least a dozen times, but they still weren't working. Having had several bad cartridges myself from another company, my first instinct was that she had just happened to get a couple rejects. I told her to remove the cartridges and hand them to me. She did, and I pulled the plastic packing tape/tabs off. Hmmmm.. printer works now.

(This one is most deffinitely true 'cause I saw my Grandma doing it)

My Grandmother just got a new computer and so the family popped over to give her a hand (ie- set the thing up, turn it on etc).
Windows loaded happily and my mother explained to my grandmother the mouse and how it moves the cursor as you move the mouse.
Oh yes I see, says grandma. Who then picks it up into the air and waves it around.
'Oh, this one dosn't seem to be working,' she says, 'I can't get the little arrow to move at all,' still waving the mouse in the air....