A Conversation for Ask h2g2

Erection Problems

Post 1

The King of the Potato People


Yes that very embarrasing problem that every guy dreads..... smiley - wah

Recently gained a new lady friend (since about 2 months ago). During foreplay I'm fine, but as soon as we try and.... you know... it goes down.

I'm only 23 and shouldn't be having this problem at my age. This is the first woman I've become sexual with.

Any suggestions??


Erection Problems

Post 2

Xanatic

If it is your first then it isn't that amazing is it? You're just getting nervous about it. But I don't know.


Erection Problems

Post 3

$u$

Yup, just nervous I'd say.smiley - erm Though I don't suppose that is much of a help. Best advice I can give (as a woman, so maybe not much help either!) is to try and relax and not worry about it. Otherwise you will get yourself into a repetitive cycle of worrying and then recurring problem and so on. If she's worth anything at all, she'll understand and give you time. It's certainly a good idea to talk to her about it though, so you can work it out together. Maybe take a couple of steps back and make the conscious decision (together) not to progress beyond foreplay for now. Eventually the time will come when you are ready to progress, and you can always take the decision to move back again a step at any time.

Hope that helps a bit.smiley - smiley

Sus


Erection Problems

Post 4

Madent

I'm not a doc, but here is some useful background info.

http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/mosby_factsheets/Impotence.html

Given your age the problem is probably psychological rather than physical.

This advice is general.

Don't pressure yourself.
Enjoy the foreplay.
Explore each other - mutual masturbation maybe?
Discuss this with your partner.
Relaxation therapies, yoga, etc.
Don't fret over reasons.
Look at other parts of your life (job, health, diet, friends, family).

If you haven't made progress in a week or two, see your doctor.


Erection Problems

Post 5

Xanatic

Isn't that a bit early to see the doctor? I mean he doesn't have any trouble during foreplay after all.

It isn't much fun if it happens during sex either...


Erection Problems

Post 6

Peet (the Pedantic Punctuation Policeman, Muse of Lateral Programming Ideas, Eggcups-Spurtle-and-Spoonswinner, BBC Cheese Namer & Zaphodista)

If you're short of advice on this subject, you could try opening a free e-mail account... Within an hour the offers of cures for sexual dysfunction, viagra-over-the-web and penis enlargement will start to pour in without any activity on your part... smiley - bigeyes


Erection Problems

Post 7

Great Western Lettuce (no.51) Just cut down the fags instead

I'm sure you weren't being 100% serious Peet, but that's really not trustworthy medical advice is it?
Kind of like asking a 2nd hand car dealer if he thinks you need a new motor


Erection Problems

Post 8

Madent

I don't know. It's not a problem I've encountered, but I imagine it would be pretty worrying.

However I understand that half the problem with impotence is worrying about the problem, which is a vicious circle.

In which case either you can deal with the problem yourself fairly easily by fixing the root cause (psychological problem) or you need help.


Erection Problems

Post 9

a girl called Ben

Having been on the other end of an encounter which was similar to what you describe, I offer you both my sympathy.

I was left thinking "jeezuz, I must be really ugly, if that is the effect I have on him" while having to say "no, really, it is ok".

And in a way it really *was* ok - it wasn't as if he hadn't wanted to sleep with me, after all... and it was (presumably) worse for him than it was for me. I still have no idea how he felt about it. I mean, it isn't really a question you can ask if the encounter has been and gone, is it?

But it did leave my confidence a bit battered and bruised; which was not great, because it was a long time since I had had that particular kind of ego boost.

So I guess, what I am saying is 'remember to tell her she is wonderful'.

As for the other advice - yes I would definitely go to a doctor. If it is something simple then give the medics a chance to sort it out for you, and it shows a commitment to dealing with the issue which will make a difference to your girlfriend.

And in the meantime - regard it as a chance to improve your linguistics. As it were!

All the best

Ben


Erection Problems

Post 10

Peet (the Pedantic Punctuation Policeman, Muse of Lateral Programming Ideas, Eggcups-Spurtle-and-Spoonswinner, BBC Cheese Namer & Zaphodista)

Cunning, Ben, cunning... smiley - winkeye


Erection Problems

Post 11

$u$

As usual, Ben comes up with sterling advice.smiley - smiley


Erection Problems

Post 12

Zorpheus - I'm so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.

You don't have to go to a doctor (unless you want a perscription for viagra), it's probably just performance anxiety. If you can get a chubby there is nothing wrong with your plumbing you are just thinking too much. Slow down, relax and just let things happen.
Trust me, I know. smiley - blush


Erection Problems

Post 13

Zorpheus - I'm so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.

Oh and try to limit any alcohol consumption before the act.
I believe the medical term is liquor-d**k.


Erection Problems

Post 14

Madent

In the UK its called "Brewer's-droop" ...

But seriously, if you can't solve the problem yourself easily, by relaxing, etc, get help. This is a fairly common problem and I guess your average GP will be helping men get over this on a regular basis.

Good luck


Erection Problems

Post 15

Zorpheus - I'm so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.

< beating head on desk to get rid of vision of my Doc "helping" me get a hard-on >


Erection Problems

Post 16

Still Incognitas, Still Chairthingy, Still lurking, Still invisible, unnoticeable, missable, unseen, just haunting h2g2

I think you have become fixated on the idea that penetration is the only part of sex that is important.Surely it's the whole package that is important?Sexual intercourse is not the only way to make love.Forget those old ideas from books that full on penetration with simultanious orgasm is the only way to make love.Anyway a frank talk to your girlfriend seems like a good idea to me and exploring other options with her might be the way to go.IF after a while it really still bothers you then a visit to a Relate councillor might be an answer or a visit to the doctor.There are plenty of good books available on the subject that may help too.
Hope you can relax about this as this is probably the real problem.

Incog.


Erection Problems

Post 17

Still Incognitas, Still Chairthingy, Still lurking, Still invisible, unnoticeable, missable, unseen, just haunting h2g2

Sorry My keyboard is dyslexic and I have fat fingers.

Incog.


Erection Problems

Post 18

Gnomon - time to move on

Don't worry about it. There are plenty of ways you can make a girl happy which do not involve you having an erection. THat's more important than you being happy. You'll get in the mood later if you feel it's not something you *have* to do.


Erection Problems

Post 19

Researcher 189987

Having been on the receiving end of this problem for some time, my suggestion is to simply forget penetration at all, and just do something else in bed. Anything is better than nothing. Anything at all. Especially if you happen to be absolutely fantastic at something else. Then she/he won't notice that there's no penetration. And then it will probably happen naturally when neither of you are expecting it. If you are 'at attention' at other times, then there are other ways for you to get your pleasure as well. Good luck.

And remember, ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING!!!


Erection Problems

Post 20

Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor

This problem is a lot more common than most people realize, because it's not something that men like to talk about - I admire your original request.
All of the advice here has been good advice, definately use this time to discuss what your girlfriend would like to do, and become an expert.
However, a word of warning.
My sister married a man who was a virgin, and he never was "into" sex, it was always her who did the initiating, and she found it demoralizing.
I'd say she has a normal sex-drive, whereas her hubby was "low".
IF you and your g/f have differing sex drives, then cut your losses and seperate, find someone more compatible.
My sister stuck it out for 20 years & finally got divorced last year.
I'd say fifteen years of those 20, she was miserable.
Save yourself some pain and talk with your partner honestly.
Ask her what she wants.
If you can't agree now, then leave.
smiley - hug


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