h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When you can say the word



" Wibble "

and not giggle to yourself !

cant any1 do that?!?

*siniicker*
#giggle#

WIBBB-(GUFFAW)-BBBBLLLEE!

(collapses in paroxysms of gales of stomach-clenchin mirth)

Merry Christmirth to Ethybody!

I've been saying 'Wibble!' for months (maybe even years)... it's become a habit now and I don't even notice it... And I never giggled about it either...

¦M¦

I have always been distressed by the idea that age implies authority or competency. When I was a child I had a very sensitive bulls**t detector and my parents and others were always trying to disable it.
To this day I do not suffer fools gladly, but being taken seriously as a child would have made things less intense.
I had a friend whose daughter, about eight at the time, was offered a co-worker's lap. She kicked him. End of incident. Months later we found out he was on parole from another state for child molestation.
And my daughter had been encouraged to behave herself and sit on the man's lap...
I think one of the tasks as an adult, particularly as a parent, is to be aware of what is really going on instead of always saying,"Stop that, behave, do as I say!" If the child detects hesitancy, admit it. If the child detects fear, admit it. Lying is one of those traits that makes the term 'adult' a dirty word.

When I was little, it was definitely an "us" and "them" thing.

Adults did things properly and knew all sorts of stuff. Watching the way businesses and countries are run these days, I am beginning to believe that there aren't any adults any more. Like Caerwynn (way back at the beginning of the thread) I am still 16 inside, and feel totally on a level with my kidsm so that's one definite example. Fortunately they (my kids) don't mind. I suppose it's more my loss, as they only see me as a source of money and lifts to places, and less as a person to respect and obey.

At the present, I would therefore say, we are in the throes of re-defining adulthood, so this question is more difficult and elusive to answer than it would seem at first glance.

It is frightening to find yourself my age and looking "up" to people half your age, then suddenly realising they respect you and actually value your opinion. I'm still trying to come to terms with that.

As for having children, I bumbled through parenting and now have three boys who are just as capable of looking after me as I am of looking after them. Not sure what happened about the responsiblity bit in the middle. I reckon I must have missed my chance of growing up. Maybe when I'm a grandma.

I have friends who have three boys and the eldest is sixteen and being sixteen.
They are second-guessing themselves wholeheartedly, wondering if they were too busy trying to give their kids what they had never had and are now paying the price for not paying attention to whatever good their parents really did for them....and around and around and around....

I too have a pretty active bulls**t meter. I always did. Still do. So I can understand where you are coming from there Tonsil(short spelling there hope you don't mind).

But I don't think it came from any sort of personal idiosynchrasy. There was quite a bit of death in the family when I was coming up, and I think when something as abrupt and final as death walks into a child's life, things tend to take on a different perspective. So I wish I could say the b.s. meter developed on its own, but I think it was just circumstance. It makes you 'grow up' fast. Particulalry when you have situations like mine in which the father worked out of town more often then not, and you wind up helping his wife 'take care of the kids'. Later his wife develops cancer when you are only 19. She passes on after 2yrs of constant struggle, this being the second time you've lost a mother in your lifetime. You tend to cut out the b.s. about 99% of the time because life is so very short, and can end so very quickly.

I think we all learn from our parents, if not what to do, certainly what not to do. I think that is part of the change that you folks were talking about above.

Myself, I think a happy medium between being responsible enough to instill some modicum of discpline/politeness to other people/manners/etc while still being able to 'play' with them and it not be seen as a chore by them.

I also tend to think that the definition of adulthood needs to be dynamic instead of static. It has to change depending upon the child and the situations. Almost like trying to define the life. It is so many different things, and each unique to the person. So I don't know that being 'kidish' or whatever the term was above, is a bad thing. It depends on you, and your children.

I don't think that you have to have kids to be an adult. I just know that before I became a parent of my own child, I wasn't so keenly aware of it, or even thought much about it. But once that child was born, that changed. There were questions about how what we did, how we spent our money, how to raise her, all kinds of things that were never thought of before. Before that, we were just a happy couple whose only problems were what to fix for dinner.

One of the things that made me even post in this thread is because I think the question is very important. It's a question that I think should constantly be in the back of your head. Constantly subject to re-evaluation and change. Because if there is one thing I learned from my parents, the worst thing you can do is not change. You've got to be able to change according to each situation. You've got to be able to grow old benefiting from your own experience-and then acting on that.

But then, I could be completly wrong.

Don't count on it, TC.

I still can't get my head round being a grandma.
Although when he visited yesterday and put his arms round my neck and said "I love you, Grandma" I almost melted.

I definately feel grown up now I am looking into the eyes of my child's child.

Beautifully put, Perium.

There was a good quote from The Crow - the bad guy said "my dad always said, childhood ends when you know you're gonna die".

It's not a very comfortable thought, but death is the only thing that really made me grow up. I guess when you're a kid the concept of mortality seems so far away, and your parents will do anything to protect you from it.

But realising time is limited, and wanting the most from it, wanting a meaningful experience, rather than coasting on adulthood's versions of the comforts of youth is the most dramatic change I've had.

Beyond that... I think qualifying as an adult is like being given a number, being shown what you can and can't expect to get away with, and told to smile through it on a rotating walkway where you have to knock up stuff to put out and fight over the stuff going past.
But with drinking and shagging.

Merry Christmas everybody!

I think that there is a jazz aspect to it, a variations on a theme sort of possibility sorting.
I've seen too many people pump out a unit and then let the 'culture' raise it. Of course, you can never be too sure what's going on in a child's mind, just as you could never be sure what was going on in your parent's minds. But if you ask, you might not like the answer, yet it will be an exchange of some sort, an acknowledgement of mental activity, instead of floating along like a lump with the rest of the sewage.
you get a cycle going where the child learns from you and you learn from the child and everybody might not be happy, but they might be closer to the ability to recognize happiness, if only for a moment.
Now, for those folks who, we must be thankful, haven't reproduced, it is a matter of how you deal with people you are not directly responsible for, yet you do have an influence. Adaptibility can be a defense, too.

Well put Perium about the re-evaluation and change and similar to something I was about to put as a new thread but this seemed as good a place as any.

When did you (if you have) question habits from your childhood/family.

For example we allways had our main meal at lunchtime, but at around 18 or so (when I left for Poly) mainly had full meal at night. Also pushed the time back. Family Tea is ALWAYS at 5:00, I now eat when hungry.

There's loads of little things like that, some I'm afraid toilet based - morning bowel movement before or after breakfast for example.

I beleive that when we start questioning these habits and do things that match our live styles rather than our parents then we have truly broken free.

CH

My mother and stepfather ate at the bar where he drank with his wife and stepchildren in attendance.
If my brother and I were not with them, we usually were sitting on the back step waiting for them. Neighbors had asked about us sitting on the front step, so we were told to sit on the back. More than a dozen times we walked to the bar and were told to go home, they'd be there soon.
We never had a key to the place.
He drove drunk every evening and weekend for as long as I lived there.
I walked out when I was sixteen. Just didn't go back one night.
Completely mystery to my mom to this day.

When your in love somuch it hurts ?

When you lose your innocence and realise how rubbish the world can be...?

When the inland revenue starts sending you letters ?

I totally agree with Perium. We should never stop learning. I once told someone that I wouldn't want to be 20 again (so foolish, so little experience, so little history, so little understanding of who I am), and she lent over, put her hand on my arm, and said 'My dear, I wouldn't be 60 again'. Yesss!

I have a theory that everyone has a 'natural' age. I was married to a man who was 12 - lots of fun there, he is playful and loves cars and gadgets and has a very sweet innocence about all sorts of things. Don't get me wrong - I learned a massive amount of wisdom from him, and he is commercially and financially savvy too.

Me? Not sure what my natural age is, probably about 35, and I feel a little strange being older than that.

And one of the signs of true adult-hood is being able to play.

Ben

Ben's right, I met a chap who was 25 the other week, but he was about 50-60 in character, loved Frank Sinatra, hated Robbie Williams attempts to cover them, only bought vinyl etc certainly wasn't his real age.

CH

Same here.

I have no idea what how old my mind is in character. I am wise so beyond my years. I just seem so different from everybody else I know.

A good friend of mine often described me as an anachronism.

I float aimlessly through all the age groups...
I haven't got a family of my own to anchor me.

I think it is interesting that typically when someone is asked what makes an adult, age is one of the first things that comes to mind.

I'm consistantly and constantly surprised by the world around me and the people in it. You could call that a child-like behavior. I believe that there is a certain bit of magick in the world, and I won't say I believe in harry potter type magick but, then....who knows. It's simply beyond my experience and having said that, I can't really refute it either. This is one of those things that I think makes me just a little less adult, and a little more fun to my daughter. And above all, I've still got the ability to laugh. Wether at something silly like the movie Shrek, or just at myself for my own antics(least thats what my wife calls them....antics LOL).

The introspective side is the side I'd call my adult side. Constantly and consistantly looking in, and cutting away the old and re-shaping the new. Recognizing my mistakes....and then.....LEARNING from them. I didn't always do this. I used to just make a mistake, and then say,"oh well, whiskey under the bridge," and move on with my life. Only to f**k up again later. And I say f**k up because when you do something really dumb for the second time you've f**ked up.

The second part of my adult side is the part that realizes there is nothing in this world that is worth yelling and screaming about. Wether it is with your wife or with others, getting p**sed and losing your temper is not the mark of intelligence. How many times did I stand in my parents face facing their yelling with my own? And for what?

But I've learned. I can promise you my daughter doesn't get yelled at. She's talked to like a person, and if she disobeys, then she's punished. No screaming. No yelling. No losing tempers. No coercing. Just instruction, then its her choice what she does. I've learned that when someone has to strain to hear what you're saying, they're paying attention to what you're saying by default, and while it may not be something that they internalize right away....it's sinking in. And that is worth more to me as a parent that instant understanding, or jamming understanding in through argument.

'Course, you know, I said it was funny that age is one of the first things that comes to mind when you're asked what makes an adult. I suppose it's equally humorous that the only thing that keeps coming to the front of my mind whenever I see this post come up is Parenthood. all!