h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Morning SS,

Hope you had a good night and you are feeling a bit more settled. I am having an 'awayday' today, as some people seem to think I spend too much time online

I will check in tonight if it is not too late.

Take care

Websailor

Actually I am not too bad. I have just been for my multi blood test and popped into Sainsburys where I had the panic attack the other day.
I felt the new meds were smothering the panic attack that tried to start like a Teddy bear cuddling it, and with love! That sounds stupid but that image came into my mind as the panic attacks are part of me so not to be hated as such, but driven away gently and slowly as I improve.
The meds are making me very out of it but not in a bad way. There seems to` be less of the very enjoyable effects of music listening as meds normalise in my body. I am still wobbley and may walk into things now and then. I am checking three times as not sure what I am doing at times. However this is 100% better than before where I didn't know what I was doing, anxious all the time, and arms bouncing heck of a lot!
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I have made a further step to ensure my security in my flat forever and it will be totally done in around a week so if the worst happens I have a roof over my head even if has no heat or light!

SS, It is good you are not too bad. I hope the rest of the day went well. I have had a nice day but glad to be home

Catch up with you tomorrow. Take care.

Websailor

Hi, SS,

Just a brief visit. i had a nice day out yesterday except it rained all day. Hope you had a good one today.

Take care,

Websailor

Thanks WS for message.
I went out birdwatching and although was on border of panic attacks was able to carry on using the silly teddy bear method which worked mainly!
Today was the first mainly not feeling stoned day so a good day to go out. All in all a positive day. Still feeling anxious and borderline panic attack but not a bad day!

Stick with it. I am sure things will get better. Glad you went out. It was nice here in the morning but I was too tired ;-D

Have to go offline or my other half will be complaining



Websailor

Good morning all!!!Sorry i haven't dropped by,i did the same as WS on wednesday,and hubby and i went to sheffield to shopIt made a nice change,but i didn't find what i was looking for ,so we had to go again thursday evening.It was just a bit too much ,and started the panic attacks that persisted until we got home
You're coping well SS,hope the weekend sees even more recovery

They are scary aren't they!
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I had a major, the worst ever, panic attack while relaxing indoors before new meds. I was not just pacing up and down flat I was at jogging speed! I was breathing heavily, heart thumping, sweating like a pig and I said to myself in my mind this is looney and so my mind made me say out loud "I am a looney" continualy as near running around!
That was my lowest point and with the continual arm bouncing and none stop anxiety I honestly thought I was losing my mind and would end up in some sort of hospital voluntarily. I knew it was just adrenaline rushing around body making mre talk to myself but it didn't help knowing.

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Now the embarising arm bouncing has stopped and although I just had quite a long milder panic attack just now, generally it is better at moment. I went to my usual birdwatching place yesterday and had the starting of one several times but did the silly sounding trick I devised of stopping still, closing eyes tight and imaging a small teddy bear walking up to panic attack and cuddling it in love. No I haven't totally flipped! The reason I do it is panic attacks are part of me so not to be hated but persuaded to go away slowly and gently as I get better. It works! Partly it is due to me stoppoing and standing still and closing eyes, but thinking of a cute teddy, actually the one given to me by my best friend, and love brings pleasant thoughts to my mind and maybe starts to associate the panic attacks with good things and less a monster scaring me, hey if it works for me what is wrong with that?

I think that's brilliant SS. Anything that is comforting, and slows the panic down has to be good.

I do hope this is the beginning of an improvement for you.

Take care,

Websailor

Ok then, bit of an update.
I went to my doctor and the blood test results were in and the thyroid and many assorted tests were clear which was bit of a disapointment as it means depression, panic attacks and severe chronic Generalised Anxiety Disorder are not caused by physical things but are caused by, as I expected, mental health problems. Basically it is "Still Crazy After All These Years", if I may pinch a music related theme,lol.

Oh, to add to the joy I have now got a very high colesteral level due to eating and nearly binging of food over last six months which not surprisingly coincides when I started to get really jump at the slightest noise. There is one benefit in that the colesteral tablets ,which make me feel sick at times, reduces food intake, which will please the doc, lol.
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Genrally I am not too bad, the mega non stop arm bouncing shakes have reduced to less frequently and panic attacks are better than when Pregabaline started. I am still anxious a lot and get a lot of smaller panic attacks daily. The doc said Pregabaline is at maximume dose so can't increase it which I would have liked. He mentioned going to hospital`if doesn't improve, yikes! I hope he meant just for tests,lol!
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I have a cottage booked for a weeks time and will have to make a decision whether I am fit enough to go. The problem is one minute I think I am ok and looking forward to it, the next, like today when I went to Homebase as had to I am having a panic attack and all the shopers are closing in on me, not really Homebase shoppers are pretty friendly here!
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The problem is also that cottage is in a small town so not as quiet as a proper country cottage I booked last year so more chance of bad anxiety and panic attacks. It might be better to cancel and claim on insurance rather than a not very enjoyable holiday. I could always book for a proper country cottage another time and relax at home for a week, well`perhaps relax isn't quite the right word,`lol!

SS, I am glad you are feeling a little better. Perhaps things will improve even more as time goes on.

I do hope you can pluck up the courage to take your holiday. It would be such a shame to miss it.

<> Well, aren't we all, in one way or another? I am sure you are not, just stressed.

I know what you mean about being disappointed there is not a physical cause for your state of mind, but please try to think positively. Apart from high cholesterol, you are quite well it seems, which most of us would be delighted about. If you have been naughty with your diet, and it seems you have, trying to eat properly should make a big difference. it did to me, when I was strict with myself, but I am afraid I have lapsed a bit. It is a comfort knowing I can control it though, without tablets.

Whooops! Gotta run my nocturnal visitor has just announced his arrival with a thump.

Take care,

Websailor

Perhaps the "Still crazy" thing was a bit of gallows humour. However although I don't know what a nervous breakdown is, it is probably an undeffined occurrance, I think I was as close as you can come to one if not actually having one as can be. The non stop arm bouncing and inability to think straight due to severe anxiety had effectively stopped me functioning in a working capacity and perhaps in a non working one too. It was an odd out of control feeling with efectively doctors having taken over my care and I shudder to think what would have happened withought madication!

I was reading yesterday that Bill Oddie has has several breakdowns. He writes very candidly about it. I think you do know when you are on the edge but it depends whether you seek help or not what happens. Us old dudes have a habit of hiding things, and hoping they will go away, but sometimes they don't. i know when my dad was living with us, and was very ill, I had a job, husband and two young children, an I came close.

Take care,

Websailor

I haven't posted for a while so a bit of an update.
The situation is basically the same with some differances. I am off sick work now around 5 months! Time seems to fly by and hardly drag at all, which might be that I was longing for time off as so tired. It doesn't feel the same as a 5 month holiday though since a lot of it has been panic attacks and bad anxiety (severe chronic Generalised Anxiety Disorder). And a bit of my long running depression thrown in for luck of course,lol!
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I am starting to wonder if my depression is heading towards a touch of Manic Depression or Bipola Disorder as they like to call it these days. I am being refered to a Physchiatrist so perhaps they might be able to tell me if it is Bipola or depression with anxiety attacks thrown in. What has happend over the last few weeks is I have gone from manic cleaning of my stainless steel sink and kitchen to suddenly leaving it like a pigstye and on edge of tears and now this morning suddenly back to manic kitchen cleaning!
At first I thought it was panic attacks as got that energy rush but this morning I have a feeling of can take on the world and really buzzing bas I type this.`
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This hyper then on edge of tears is a little worrying as in one manic phase I was out in street and wanted to run upto the local childrens hospice van and give the driver £5 Nothing wrong with giving £5 to charity but when I was out of hyper phase I realised it was in-appropriate and should have just walked to top of road and gone to hospice if wanted to donate..
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In-apropriate behaviour in Britney Spears's hyper manic phases, like shaving her head in public, was what brought her public ridicule. Anyway lets hope the shrink will know whether it is manic depression or a very bad normal depression with hyper episodes, which is manic depression really, lol,
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Strewth, to quote Monty Python, "My head hurts doctor!", it must be all this thinking, lol.

SS,

I am sorry you don't seem to be doing so well. I had hoped that the new medication would help, but it doesn't sound as if it is doing much.

It seems to me that an awful lot of people suffer from bi-polar. It is certainly being talked about more now than it was when it was called manic depression. It is strange that a lot of celebrities seem to suffer from it.

Perhaps a psychiatrist will be able to pinpoint something for you, but don't expect an instant diagnosis or instant treatment. It seems to take ages to come to a conclusion, which, I supposes, is only right as it is such a serious matter.

Where has that five months gone I was amazed when you said that! I am glad it hasn't dragged for you as that would have been counterproductive.

Take care and

Websailor

It is ok, I am not too bad, there are many in this thread much worse off than me!
As I said it might not be bipola and just depression and anxiety/panic attacks. I do wish my doctor would ring about appointment with a shrink or similar person. The doc said they would leave a message with shrinks team and get back to me on wednesday and am still waiting, a call to docs tomorrow morning might be in order. Don't they know keeping someone with bad stress waiting isn't good,lol!

I forgot to add there are some positive things. The bleep upstairs has finally realised I can hear everything he does upstairs and is keeping his TV, etc at a reasonable level after yet another note I left him, saying basically since he put in a Laminate floor he is doing my head in, possibly literally, sorry gallows humour!
Still, it is better than shoving his TV where the sun doesn't shine,lol.....
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Also, I was binging on food before and ate things like, at one sitting, 3 sandwiches, a whole packet of biscuits, a couple of yogurts and a lot of sweets. I suspect I have eaten even more at one sitting another time as well.
Clearly this would kill me eventually and my cholesteral was around 8.5 at one time, it may have even been 9 which is the top of scale! It isn't surprising as ate 2 cornish pasties and assorted other rubbish at one time the day before!
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My stomach shot up from around a fairly stable 34 inches to just about 40 inches on widest part of stomach. That was embarrasing and when had to change a T Shirt in front of my best friend I said it was embarrasing and turned around infront of her to hide my fat stomach.
However the good thing is around a month ago I suddenly didn't feel like eating breakfast and lunch so just ate fruit throughout day and ate a normal evening meal, I now don't buy things like pasties and buy just portions of plain meat to cook along with more healthy veg. If find if I don't buy things like bread then I won't make a sandwich for breakfast which I have done in past.
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I don't weigh myself and just go by how smaller my waist is and have a very shrunk pair of Levi jeans as a target of weight loss. I am now getting in a 38 inch waist trousers so getting there. I am also buying more relaxed clothing like Levi jean jackets and even wearing beads around my neck, sort of going for a semi hippy look, I had long hair when a teenager!
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Bad depression is often linked to harmful perfectionism so a less focused Strangely would a good thing to aim for, I am growing my hair from its normal N02 razzor cut which I was just a little obsessed about having done regularly .

Jesus Christ, I am in a totally manic state, my pulse is racing my mind is racing and full of thoughts at a thousand miles an hour! I am having to drink lots of vodka to slow my mind down as so manic, hyper manic really. I am posting so much due to mania. I read a guide entry on Bipola just now and fit the bill EXACTLY, I am cycling from high to low in an instant and very agitated. I might actually go back to doctor in morning rather than wait for a phone call.

SS,

I hate to poor cold water on your method of slowing your mind down, but vodka doesn't sound a very good idea if you are on medication. Perhaps you should take some of that cold water with it

I am not going to comment on what your condition might be, as I have no medical training and it would be wrong but I would have thought alcohol mixed with medication was a bad idea - assuming you are still on medication? I suspect it would interfere with the work the meds are supposed to be doing and could actually make you worse.

Anyway, take it easy, and see if you can find some music, or something to watch that will relax you and take your mind off how you are feeling. it might help.

Take care,

Websailor

He's crashed, he's crashed, he's crashed!
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Wow it is just like the police car chase programme as Strangely goes into a slow motion drunk crash as the 2 MASSIVE glasses of vodka act like 2 tablets of Pregabaline!
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Strangely has gone from hypermanic to slow motion drunken blur in seconds and was so out of it he didn't even taste the vodka! I know you can't taste the vodka, but I can. Yes folks you are watching the slow motion, well actually 5 months long unraveling of Strangely, soon to appear ona mental health documentary near your,lol
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I apologise for the flippant nature of my posts and quantity, but manic does that for you!
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Absolut Vodka, the cure for all illnesses and phychosis!
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I would ring my bestest friend but she has BIG problems at moment so might not!
I am sorry for the typing errors in this but have checked it many times but am pished, manic or pished, you choose!