h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*considers creeping up on Xanatic, but not sure how weird it would be for him to imagine all these virtual people creeping up on him! *

Bouncy... yes.. though that's what I'd thought too... however, still wary, I have been fooled before. (not that I'm cynical... but got top grade in the BBCi News cynic quiz!)

Kelli - bet you made up for it when you did see him

Well I'd been awake for 48 hours, but he definitely got a sleepy snog or two

Haha, a sleepy snog, geez, fell asleep or what?

good afternoon, i believe i failed english, but im still smiling.

Just wait and see, you may not have done as badly as you think

*cough cough*

Hello all i hope you might be able to help answer the following for me

In the last year i have been back on the dating scene (such as it is) following a divorce. I'm only 25 (ah well water under the bridge etc.)

Anyway i have in the last year asked out or been asked out a total of 4 ladies (not a great amount i know but a vast improvement on my previous abilities) two people said that they just wanted to friends (does this mean that as i suspect that they were just being polite in not voicing their revulsion ). I went out on one date which went very well and resulted in a bit of a snog, the lady in question however did not speak to me for ages and then said she just wanted to be friends. I went out just before christmas for a meal with friends and was introduced to a girl and when we all return to my friends house after the night out she asked me for a good night kiss and let's just say that i didn't find my own bed, although no funny stuff happened <

and after this we got together again and in mid snog she said she just wanted to be friends (can you see a pattern )
However since then i have seen her a couple of times and she is always very flirty etc with me.

Anyway this has all totally confused me and i am beginning to see the advantage to behaving like a b**tard and not the nice guy that i am as these inidividual appear to have far more sucess than me.

Any tips appreciated before i compltely out of my mind

did consider talking to the girl i like about how i feel, but decided against it cos before the exam she was REALLY worried, so i deciced that even though she had done the exam and was no longer nervous she would prob be far to drainded to deal with it.


oh well will wait a bit longer, but can't wait to long else i probs won't tell her

sounds like your suffering worse than me ..

Northern Boy - sounds like you're trying too hard, it sounds really discouraging, though, the way these girls are treating you.

Have you got a sister you can talk to? How are your relations with your ex? Can she tell you what you're doing wrong?

wr1 - invite her for a drink/coffee somewhere outside school to discuss the exam. On second thoughts, that sounds a bit sleazy. Just invite her for coffee - no excuses. The suspense is getting so hard for all of us to stand. The longer you wait, the more desperate you'll be when you finally get her on her own, and the less attractive you will be to her.

well i think i do either try to hard or not hard enough i find it hard to strike a balance, talking to the ex is unlikely as she was last seen disapearing into the sunset with a large pile of my belongings!

I have no problems talking to women and have a good number of female friends but when it comes to finding someone for a more than friends relationship.....

Hope I can find the right words to explain what I mean, from a woman's perspective, an "older woman" who has seen and been told a lot.

The more you are trying to happen - it won't (works for both genders)!

You move too fast. Sorry, guys, there are women around you can convince for a fast adventure, but it is because they may be thinking they are better off alone, or a wandering out of a relationship. Or they are desperately clinging on any offer, and you might not appreciate being number 30 in a couple of weeks. (that was a bit sarcastic)

Even in the modern times, women appreciate the courting time. First become friends, then use a slow approach. It is always better to give her the freedom to move. Let her decide, when is the right time for a kiss, and more.
The more succesful tactic for a man is to offer once you have her near your bed, "I can sleep on the couch or on the floor" than trying to push her.

My two cents.

i will get around to it, the main problem is that i decided that i need to stop messing around and talk to her at the start of estimate/prelims/mocks/whatevernameyouwannagiveit exams!

will see how she looks at the end of one, that or in the week after my last exam before we go back to school i gonna have to go into libary to research some hsitory stuff, and she lives in town so might see if she will accept an invitation to keep me company.

Northern Boy, that is two and a half snogs more than Xan's had this year!

Seriously, you are meeting people, making connections, going on dates, getting the occasional which is all good. It sounds as though you just haven't found a girl who clicks with you. I've been on dates before where we have had a reasonable time and a bit of a snog but afterwards I have thought that the guy isn't for me. Doesn't mean he isn't nice or attractive or anything like that - just didn't float my boat. Sound like this is what has happened to you.

It doesn't sound like you are doing much wrong - keep trying! You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your princess

probably a fair point, but the problem in my experience (both now and previously) is that a lot being a friend is a category from which it is very hard to move. A lot of the women i tend to pidgeonhole you as a friend or a potential partner etc.

Ans i honestly would love to do the courting thing as this is very much my approach ( i can be very old fashioned for a 25 year old ) however this does kind of hinge on someone showing any interest whatsoever

Yeah, they have to throw their handkerchief down and such

Oi, I have a feeling I should be angry here.

*notices something creeping up behind him* *pulls out a flyswatter and smacks it*

Northern Boy - throwing in my own two pence (english see).

I am probably in the same boat as you (except no ex and 24 (roll on the 26th and it's a 1/4 of a century *Lol*) not much luck with woman and the "I just want to be friends" line is one that I have been dumped, rejected or brushed off with on nearly all my relationships / potential relationships.

However nowadays I have tried a different approach - be meself, do not pidgeonhole woman as friend / possible etc as I used to (very shallow my younger self) and reliasing that as much as the "bastards" seem to be in all the relationships; so many of my female friends (and I do have a fair few) have been screwed over and messed up emotionally, mentally (and one unfortanate person - phyiscally) by "bastard" boyfriends that being a nice guy in the long run is a better way.

As said before being friends is a good approach - they get to know you and hopefully get to appreciate your finer points.

Also in regards to that when a relationship is just based on sex or just one other thing (e.g. just looks) and when that thing runs out if you cannot fall back as friends it is probably going to be death knell to a relationship.

*catches two pence* ta very much

just thought i should clear up a few points so as to not protect the wrong image.

I always behave as myself and nnever pidgeonhole people as i meet as friend etc and i am very much of the opinion that a relationship should be based on friendship as this is the foundation on which things can grow from.

And my previous comments about the ba*tard types was born out of frustration i couldn't treat people like that if i tried

I suspect that the friends line has been used on one occasion at least as a polite brush off ans i should make it clear that being friends is great and i wouldn't want to lose that relationship with any of my friends.

oh and happy birthday for the 26th Flamestrike, have a and some

"friends is a good approach - they get to know you and hopefully get to appreciate your finer points"
I don't know if I'm the only woman to say this (but I don't think so): women rather fall in love with the character, not with the looks or something. northern boy, you seem so nice, I wish I knew more men like you, just be yourself,
friendship can be the best possible foundation of love, hope everything will be alright.

thankyou for the kind words susanne

friends is certainly the best approach and i think that frankly i'm very lucky to have the friends that i do (nothing like a divorce to tell you who your real friends are!)

But sometimes in life you want more from a relationship than just friendship.... Ah well not to worry worse things happen at sea etc!



Oh and i'm sure everything will be alright the last 18 months have been theworst of my life so the only way is up!