h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well Peregrin are you getting any good ideas here yet lad?
They do seem to prefer the rear view. Carry a big stick and walk away from them (if you can) seems to be the answer so far. But it's early days, eh.

*rotfl*

*grins, knowing she's not the only "back" woman in the world...*

*preens his tail feathers* Hmm, so women prefer butts to faces. I'll bear that in mind.

No, no, not butts... backs. As in shoulders... there's a slight difference.

I'm completely confused. Which part of us *is* it that you're looking at? The shoulders? Are you sure about this? I can't say I've ever heard of it before...

Here are a couple of true biological/anthropological facts of life which should be of interest in this discussion which I hope the moderators do not feel compelled to edit. At a beastial, animal, survival-of-the-species level, it is the back and shoulders of men which women look at to determine a man's capacity to carry a load. Men look at women's hips from the back end to determine child bearing ability and at the breasts for feeding capacity. These are not conscious evaluations, purely instinctive, evolutionary tendencies that proved successful, now inbred in our psyches.
Isn't science wonderful. It takes all the fun out of it. We better get back to giving Peregrin pointers on what works these days.

Well, this is subjective, of course, but I think it is probably quite general, too.

Should laugh (at the appropriate times) heartily. (shows inhibition)
Should not fiddle around with coppers when paying for something, but just grab a handful of notes from his wallet without a lot of fuss. (shows generosity)
Should be able to hug as well as find the right places (when the time comes) - (shows he is interested in you as a person and not a collection of genital organs, also demonstrating the protectiveness required by our animal instincts)

As far as external qualities go:

good teeth leave a lasting impression (ha ha) . No, but seriously folks, the teeth dominate the face almost more than the eyes. And future children will not be bothered with braces and endless dental treatment (that was the biggest favour I did myself when I chose my husband)

Also for breeding purposes: not prone to allergies, fairly well coordinated.

But none of these are any good if they don't come naturally, so don't think that a forced belly-laugh will get you your girl. Quite the opposite - she will smell the insincerity. Take her to funny films instead and share humour with her.

And for God's sake let her share H2G2 or she will lose interest if you spend hours at the computer and she doesn't know why!!!

Good luck.

For real success you have to be trained as follows:

1. To be a mind reader
2. To be a good actor, so you can show the correct amount of sincerity when required.
3. To be totally uncritical
4. To always put yourself at least second
5. To put aside logic and rationality
6. To know that your pain is always less than hers
7. To never criticise her family even though she calls them the foulest ratbags in Christendom
8. To always be on time
9. To forget how to use the remote control
10. To be strong, but only with other people

A sense of humour is #1 with me. I once dated a guy that stared blankly at me whenever I said something very clever and witty - which was often, if I do say so myself . Then again, maybe I was being an idiot ... guess I'll never know (let me live with my delusions, please).

Intelligence is a must. The ability to have discussions on different - and differing! - topics is important. I love getting involved in a good debate.

No games, no games, no games ... Did I mention no games?
Say what you mean, mean what you say.

I've grown fond of a steady paycheck, and hope my man enjoys the pleasure of food on the table and a roof over his head.

Kindness is essential - as is a positive outlook (know your blessings, and try counting them on occasion). I had a date last year with a fellow who spent the whole time complaining about people, kids, his job, just about everything - and couldn't see the silver lining if you bashed him over the head with it (which I nearly did!).

Looks aren't important. It's amazing how people become more and more attractive the more you get to see the beauty that is inside. Clothes aren't important either (and very easy to change!)

no games?

Where's the fun in that?

There are games, and there are games ...

I got stood up on my last birthday by my then-boyfriend because when I said "I'll be talking to you" he took it to mean "I'll call you about the plans we've already made." Instead of getting in touch with me to find out why I hadn't called when he thought I would, he just didn't show up for our date. I tried to call him, but he spent the night online. That's a game. And a stupid one, too.

However there IS a game I rather enjoy that involves [would be removed by anyway, so what's the point?].

If there is any way to reach the status of the "ex-boyfriend" then the approch your ex took is a sure fire success.

Perhaps we can look at the things men should not do, rather then the things they should, to determine the successful characteristics?

oooh, shoulders... nice broad ones.... *drools*

honestly, though, broad shoulders mean there's plenty of room for you to cry on them, he's strong and you can wrap your arms around him...

And a subconscious awareness that this guy will protect your children too. But what about the poor blokes who haven't got broad shoulders - you can't order them from some programme on the telly.

Well. They have to work a bit harder to give the impression that they have broad shoulders.

On the other hand, a fella who for example makes a hobby out of writing complaining letters to all and sundry about everything would not be my sort either.

And if anyone ever finds a man who can sit and watch a weepy film on the telly without slurping beer and rattling the newspaper continually - please order me a few. Any others, I am starting to collect the phone numbers of brass bands - sometimes I feel like asking if he would like me to call one in to help him out.

Some really important things Peregrin:

Women are, as a rule, suspicious of men who think their car is the best pulling resource they have. This says "no personality and small dick". For car, also read PC, diy equipment and knowledge of sport.

Make sure you have a good personal hygiene regime. This include fresh breath.

Getting rat-arsed is not endearing.

That's a good start!

warm heart, bright eyes, cold nose, waggy tail...

oh sorry you meant men!

Good sense of humour, a warm heart and seeing beyond outward (physical and emotional) appearances

that is all I ask for

Sorry, I'm only doing research here. Carry on, it's fascinating...

BTW, fellow male researchers: the "shoe-thing" works both ways! (But women's shoes are a lot more subtle in their messages.)
I used to hate going shopping for shoes with women, but a lot can be learned from it (e.g. how to snap at a salesperson in a "friendly" way), just be a bit more patient, you won't be disliked for it.

*quietly makes mental notes*

*blatantly makes written notes*

*affixes shoulder pads to make shoulders appear broader*