h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The same definitely applies to ducks, except for the clearasil bit.

Well it obviously worked for you, or is that Sunburn

Tricky stuff napalm, always read the label before applying and if in doubt try a small bit on a corner just to see if it stains.

Now let's not start losing feathers over what I MUST say is a REEEEAAALLY important matter.

You have a nasty problem there mate, sticky vowels!
If i was you i'd get some wd40 on the keyboard.

Or Dyno-Rod through the ears

I wooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuld, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut the shoooooooooooooooop shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalf aaaaaaaaaaaan hooooooouuuuuuuuuur agoooooooooooooo.

See you can't teach comedy like that!
chuckle brothers eat your hearts out!

How awful, it might have helped you to remember where you were instead of having to write it down every time

timing could be better on my part

too. my Yeah, bit a timing off is

Well I'm a bit quackers, what's your excuse?

doooooooooooon't knooooooooooooow. I

that will be the sticky vowels again wont it.
you should see if you can get some ointment for that!

Sorry, the fire alarm went off at my hall of residence - apparently someone was trying to get the 'new' smell out of their toaster by leaving it on full blast with no bread inside until it caught fire...

Now that is clever. mind you the smell of seared human flesh is a good way of hiding many other odours including new toaster smell

Should make a good Doctor

brain the size of a planet, but still has problems getting dressed in the mornings.

how did he manage to get down the stairs with both his legs through one of his trouser legs!!

Probably has an even cleverer friend who helped him

AHH one of 'those' friends, the type that say ' i wonder what would happen if you pressed that button' to which the clever reply is 'what this button'!!!!