h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

anyone?

Don't ask silly Ralph, if you want vile poetry I'll give a rendition of twas on the good ship venus

I meant to say don't ask silly questions Ralph

No need for that.

Keveen: I think you should let us go now. It's nearly dinner time and mum might come looking for us.

(the Commander turns white)

*bars door, boards up windows, lays barbed wire all over the place, digs a slit trench and readies a VERY large bore sub-machinegun*

i don't care aboutyou Keveen, butyour father temporarily destroyed Terrania. a most heinous and intolerable crime for which he must pay. some Shakespeare would do for now.

creachy mp

Okay, call your Mum, we're ready for her!

*the floor shakes, plaster falls off the roof, the barbed wire tinkles*

KEVEEEEEEEEENNNNNN!!!! KEEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN!!!! YOU'RE LATE FOR DINNER. IT'S GONE COOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLD!!! WHERES MY USELESS GOOD FOR NOTHING LAZY HUSBAND??!!!

*a large hole apears in the guardroom. A huge extremely ugly vogon weilding a large rolling pin and an apron stomps in. It plucks the bore sub-machinegun out of Ralphs fingers*

ARE YOU STUPID??? YOU COULD TAKE SOMEONE'S EYE OUT WITH THAT!!!

*It quite easily removes the wall of bars and grabs her husband and child by the ears*

Keveen: Owoowowowowowowow
Commander: Owowowowowowowowow

*She begins to drag them out of the guard room*

*salutes*

Thank you Mrs Vogon Commander I'll leave you to deal with it

*smirks*

There'll be a job here if you want it

*sits on the floor sobbing*

*Pats Ralph on shoulder and hands him a hankie*

Don't worry you did the right thing, I would not expect anyone to stand up to a rampaging Female Vogon, Discression is the better part of valour

*Lies curled in a fetal position in the corner, his cattle prod abandoned and lonely on the floor, muttering: "what the f#ck!" repetitively*

*sighs and pokes HDS with the cattle prod*

You lot have never had to deal with a mother in law have you

*walks in,sees the devastation and mental breakdowns and tuts.*

reefgirl,what have you been doingto them?

Nothing it was that old Vogon battleaxe from earlier

*briefly catches a glimpse of a female green lump carrying two male green lumps out of the room*

What just happened here?

looked like you had put some sort of advanced training program in.

*Picks himself up*

I'v only heard tales, never seen one befor, never want to again.

The're monsters!