h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Amos sees the ape in back of his coach and fires the shotgun, spraying the ape and anything near him with pellets*

Everybody who can, in the coach! I got an idea!

I SAID THERE AIN'T NO WHISKEY IN MY TEA, NOT TEA IN MY WHISKEY! I AIN'T NEVER PUT NO TEA IN MY WHISKEY! I AIN'T NO LIPTON LOLLYGAGGER!

* Takes a shot at Munchkin's hat, and another shot at the for good measure. *

*Takes a couple of pot shots at the door of the cottage as he, naturally, waits for the ladies to fall back to the coach.* Haven't had so much fun since the Glorious Twelth near the top end of Loch Long.

*sea fires at some more apes before climbing into the coach and leaning out the other window, still shooting (and occasionnally reloading )*

*joins sea in the coach and leans out of the other window with covering fire*

[I should probably have mentioned that Mega Man X has been firing at any ape he sees with his pistol. He pulls the trigger; the gun clicks instead of firing. He shrugs and runs off to the coach, into which he jumps.]

[X] Okay, what's the plan? And anyone got any spare ammo?

[Zero, meanwhile, shoots at the retreating Webjello.]

yea, what kind do you need, X?

*reaches into pocket, pulls out boxes of several different kinds of ammo*

*Under covering fire from the coach, Witty makes a break for it, keeping low as to not get caught by friendly fire. She dives into the open door onto the coach floor.*

Thanks, guys.

*holds out hand to help witty up*

you allright?

*the pugs have been largely unmolested by the gun fire, being deemed harmless and too cute (particularly the big one being ridden by the fluffy bunny) to shoot, and too lucky to catch any stray shots. They have busied themselves with eating bananas. Carmel, deep in thought, manages to distract herself enough not to faint.*

Carmel What, we are being recalled? Oh, stuff and nonsense, and I'm certain that I was about to remember the girl's attack command any second now. It's just on the tip of my tounge, comes from a movie I think... Well, nothing for it, sigh. Come on, girls, back to the coach and I'll give you cheese.

I'm fine, sea. I wonder what Amos has got up his sleeve.

*Making sure that Billy has a good hold of the traces, Amos slides up to where the reins are tucked and takes them in the hand that doesn't have the shotgun*

*speaking to the passengers* I have a special command for the horses when I need them to give an almighty tug, like when the plow hits a rock. I reckon to get us into motion real fast and go right past the cottage and follow that cowboy that just skinned out. We know Lil's not here, right? And then the riders in the posse can cover our backs.

Sound like a plan? I'm sure there's still plenty of shooting to do as we go past the cottage!

*Billy nods after a moment* I'm for it.

*He looks around for Dandy and gives a short whistle*

*Braces herself for takeoff. Dials 'boiling water jet' on the nano-gun and takes aim.*

I'm ready. Let's dissolve this gang.

*checks that there are plenty of bolts remaining in the cartridge on the crossbow, sets it to 'extra rapid fire' and waits for the command*

*makes her way quietly back to the Atelier because she isn't feeling very well*

/* Catches up with the backlog, double-checks to make sure he hasn't been shot, triple-checks to make sure Zeppo has not been shot, then dives into the coach while sending some staples zinging towards the cottage. */

Oh my, I hope Amy has not been shot!

*watches the robot dragonfly disappear, worried, then turns his attention back to the crisis at hand*

Hold tight.

YAHHH! Bonnie! YAHHH! Clyde! YAHHHH!

*The two clydesdales seem to twitch as if contracting every muscle, then they leap up and jump forward, causing the coach to accelerate with a jerk. In the next instant the coach is moving at full speed across the clearing. There is about 15 feet of clearance between the side of the cottage and a maasive old goo spruce. Amos measures the distance and utters a prayer to the horse gods, then gets ready to fire the shotgun*

/* Fires the stapler at the cottage */

Amos, remember the Christmas tree - we left a pretty big hole in the ground somewhere around here!

/* Fires another staple, then waves the electric hedge trimmer manual out the window. */

YES IT HAS THE CODES! HA! COME AND GET IT!

*Rebjello fires off his carbine once more when he hears an ominous ~crack~. The top of the tree he is hiding starts to sag having been weakened by some stray buckshot. The perch gives way and he falls downward - his fall being broken by branch after branch*

Oooff!
urghh!
arrgh!
euggh!
booof!

*fortuitously he lands on his horse tied conveniently under the tree. Less conveniently he lands straight on the saddle legs akimbo*

DANG! THET WUS PLUMB ON MA GODDAM ORCHESTRA STALLS

*gallops painfully off down one of the trails firing back at the Posse as he goes*