h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeee-haa!

*After Floradora leaves, The Celery leans over to talk to the bartender.*

She's been a bit too friendly with the bottle lately. Give her the watered-down whisky from now on.

*She walks in, giving the swinging doors a hearty push. She saunters through the open space she's just made, the doors swivveling in her wake. She gives every impression that she absolutely loves it when this happens*

*She is tallish, but not overly so, with an abundance of blonde curly hair. She is wearing wire-frame sunglasses (which is odd for the time, she knows this, but ignores the fact entirely "If I can't have my sunglasses," she thinks "They what the Hades am I doing here?"), but if she weren't one would be able to see that her eyes were an astonishing shade of pale jade green.

*At the moment she is clothed in a long, dark green skirt with a bit of decorative lace at the bottom (but that's only for show). She is wearing the sort of shirt where the sleves don't quite make it to her wrists, but go slightly over her elbows (in other words, a 3 quarter sleved shirt the colour of a sun-faded sunflower. (She knows this isn't quite normal for the time, but she thinks "If I can't be comfortable, then what the Hades am I doing here?") Her boots (which are visibly through the knee-high side-slits of her skirt,) are a deep brown, with lots of fasteners, and appear to be quite travel worn. They are. She is wearing a gun on a very nice Han Solo-esque brown gunbelt; a Navy Colt (if you're interested in that sort of thing,) And simply the way in which she wears it slightly crooked over her left hip says somehow, without words, that she is quite capable of using it (So don't try any funny buisness or she'll likely shoot a hole or two in your hat. Or something else. Which will hurt more.).

*She has one ring on her left hand ringfinger, and it looks a bit on the celtic side. She wears a gold ring on a chain about her neck. And she thinks that's quite enough about her appearance and wishes to get on with the good bits of the diologue she's throwing herself into*

Amelia: *She turns to the group playing cards and grins impishly, in the sort of way that makes men sweat. A lot.* Hello chaps. Nice day, isn't it? *she saunters up to the bar and sits at an unoccupied stool* Is it at all possible for me to get a Ginger Ale? If you serve that sort of thing here, that is to say. *she winks at the barman. It is the sort of wink that makes men wilt*

*Yellowjello looks into the saloon before coming in cautiously*

Hello Missy, ahm Yellow and I'm delighted to meet yew. Are them tha deperadoes left town ?

Floradora returns to the saloon and drops the dinner tray unceremoniously on the bar then turns and sees the newcomer. After a squint, a reflex of jealousy, she looks harder at the blonde woman, and her eyes widen*

...Amelia? Is it you? What are you doing here? The last time I saw you, you were -- *realises belatedly that Amelia may not want personal history blurted in front of strangers* Well, you were different.

*The Celery looks from Amelia to Floradora and back again. A worried frown wrinkles his foreleaves. He walks over to the newcomer.*

I'm The Celery. Mayor of this town. What brings you to the lovely Peta Gulch?

*seeing the Celery's paranoia, Floradora moves to join them*

Why, Amelia is a childhood friend. Surely you remember seeing her at the Governor's dance? *flashes a warning look at Amelia* Her daddy is a stockbroker on Wall Street.

Barman! Let's have a round to greet an old friend!

*Affy enters the saloon whistling, and acting altogether too cheerful. A habit that he picked up whenever his subconcious felt that tough-and-easy-to-irritate-people could be around. Affy doesn't know it, really, it's just something he does. He heads to the bar*

Hey, barkeep? You make many special orders?

*Hands a 3X5 card to the barkeep*

This is a recipe for something called phlog. I don't recommend serving it to most customers unless the specially request it, really, but it's my favorite quasi-alcoholic beverage.

*Affy places the burlap sack that he was carrying in a place where he can easily get to it, and begins spinning around on his stool. He stops when he notices The Celery*


Hmmmm....so he did seek another public office after dropping out of h2g2's main society. I should probably investigate it a bit more before I think about placing a bounty.

Amelia: *smiles at Flordora, remembering her brief jaunt not too long ago when she did, in fact, go to some governor's dance, most;ly because she was trailing a.. well she was /working./* Ah, yes. Flordora, darling. Hi. How have things been? *grins in a sort of "if you breathe a word, I swear upon a million I-don't-know-what's that i'll do something nasty to you" way* *she turns to the to the "Yellow" chap* I wouldn't know, I haven't been in town for quite a long while. Why, is there something interesting going on then? *sips at her Ginger ale*

*hoping that the Celery will have put that inexplicable flash of hostility down to female competitiveness, Floradora smiles sweetly*

And Amelia has come to visit me, of course. It's no secret where ~I~ wound up, it's just my parents that don't have anything to do with me. *holds her head higher and hopes that Amelia recognises the honesty card when it's played* Thanks to you.

*turns and goes over to the bar to get a cigar and a glass of whisley*

*the saloon doors swing wildly to and fro a few times as a dusty and saddle sore jello strides in. All is clearly not well by the look on his face*

Dang Posse is on its way - and they gin and got Butch and Joe Two Jellos and a bunch o' the Apes. I just got out with ma hide intact and I've lost the Kid somewuh up orn the trail.

They'uv camped down for the night but sure as injuns is injuns they'll be here by dawn tomorrow !

Ah gotta tell The Celery and he aint' going to be pleased abut this, no sirree.

*grabs whisky bottle from a semi-drunk Jello sitting at the bar and takes a few slugs*

So wuh is the big green dude then ?

*looks up with rheumy eyes as his favourite whisky bottle is taken out of his grasp*

Why you son of a gu ..... ~notices who has taken the whisky~ ... why Reb, I didn't recognise you on account of ma belly being full of good whisky. You just help yurself yuh hear.

*puts head back on bar with an audible thump*

~to Amelia~

Why Miss, it has been a perticulerly trubbling time of late and a fine lady like yurself should be a little careful round these parts.

Ahm the Proprietor of the General store in town and ahm a very good friend of our Mayor , yer might have herd of him - Muster Celery.

Ah wud be delighted to accompany you if yud care to take some air later on.

*leers*

*The new schoolmarm gently pushes open the swinging saloon doors and steps inside*

*She has waist-length curly red hair, dark green eyes, and a smattering of freckles across her nose. She's wearing a conservative yet sexy combination of a white ruffled peasant blouse and a long brown skirt, which touches the ground and obscures the view of the decidedly non-period combat boots beneath*

*She approaches the bar and orders a shot of whiskey, which she gulps down and then turns to smile at Amelia and Yellow*

Hi. Ah'm Sherry, the new Schoolmarm. Do y'all live in Peta Gulch?

*With a suspicious look at Amelia and Floradora, The Celery turns away and walks over to Rebjello.*

I heard what you said, Reb. This is bad. I want you to gather whoever you can and go to their camp tonight and try to free the captives. Don't waste too much energy on it, though, because you'll be needed back here in the morning to greet the posse.

*Turns to Floradora.*
Come on, my dear. We'll need to pack and ready our, um, guest, in case we need to move to the ranch tomorrow.

*Exits, noting the newcomer asking for Phlog.*

*Affy sips his phlog and notes that the Celery noted him*

Well, I don't live in Peta Gulch....I live in the middle of a maze of twisty passages, all alike when I'm not living in the back rooms of my lab. Most of the people livin' in these parts are WebJellos. Nice batch of people if you can get past the fact that one or two of 'em occasionally make the world a tad slower.

*Affy drinks from his glass again*

I should head to City Hall to speak with the Mayor. He and I have some catching up to do.

*Affy opens his sack, takes out a small bar of gold, and lays it on the table*

Here ya go. That should pay for my drink, plus a round of whiskey for everyone else in here. Keep the change.

*Affy re-closes the sack, throws it over his shoulder, and heads out of the swinging bar doors*

*comes down the staircase, looking pale and irritable, noticing that the swinging doors are swinging*

koff koff
koff koff

Why bless my soul. We are graced by two redheads and a blonde in this emporium of spirits. Good day to you ladies. I hope the school is going well, ma'am? *Raising his hat, he nods to Floradora with a fleeting expression of sympathy*

*Doc heads over to his usual table, which is hastily vacated by several hispanic jellos* Bartender, bring me some coffee and a new deck of cards. *sits down with his back in the corner and looks around, his eyes settling on the blonde*

Ma'am, don't believe I have seen you in these parts before.

*watches the newcomer leave, grateful for the free drink, then smiles sunnily at doc*

why, hello, doc hollijello. Ah see you've still got that cough... Is there not a doctah in town?

*Enters through the swinging doors and heads towards the bar. Stops dead when he sees the three women. Looks from one to the other and finally settles on the schoolmarm. Walks over to her, an oily grin on his face. Twirls his mustache and addresses her:*

What's a fine lady like you doing in a place like this. Care to take a walk with me? Perhaps over by the tracks?

*to Sherry*
It seems we're a might popular, aren't we? I'll take a wild stab at a guess and say that perhaps therearen't that many females hereabouts? Or perhaps the menfolk simply like new blood. Heh. *she winks*

*to Yellow* Is that so? (about the "bad times" and all that.) Well I never. *a small gleam in her eyes suggests otherwise*