h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You misunderstand the concept of taking tea. It is an event in itself encompassing many grand traditions, including the eating of crumpets. Indeed, in some parts of Scotland the hunter who has "bagged" the most crumpets on a shoot is rewarded with a giant cup of tea which he can then share with his friends.
Tea is inter-related with a great number of things including coffee and cafetiers. Have you never sat in a cafe and ruined someones tea break by plunging down your cafetier's plunger so fast that the coffee splurts out all over the table (and fellow customers) not to mention any crumpets that might be around?

There is a current cafetiere disaster on the Archers (Longest running Radio 4 soap opera (UK)). One of the young Archer children has tipped the whole lot on top of herself and has had to be rushed to hospital!!! Are you on the edge of your seat or what?

Ah I see a whole new avenue opening up before us. I recently puchased a cafetiere cosy (like a teacosy!) for someone as a gift. Whilst they were grateful for its undoubted usefulness, the most fun was had during the hours they spent trying to work out what it was.

I think the same group of people responsible for the trend with modern tea bags (see above) are also responsible for a similar worrying trend. I have noticed (especially at motorway service stations) that poor quality instant coffee is being served in mini cafetieres to try and kid us that is something special. However, we are not fooled.

"This coffee tastes like mud"
"That's funny! It was only ground this morning"

Very funny Vesty, the old 'uns are the best eh?

Vesty do you have a book of awful jokes or something?
I quite like my cafateria and have decided to try using proper tea and my strainer/tea pot etc

Yes, you guessed it fate. I have got an or something.

I can remember being taught how to make tea by my dad, when I was so small I had to use a chair to reach everything.

I remember that I had to learn when I was in Cubs. They did everything about warming the pot and spooning the tea in counting the number of people and "one for the pot."
What they didn't say was that this only works if you have a large pot and can put in different amounts of water accordingly.
My dad was the only one who used to drink tea in the house and had a single cup pot. So when I decided to make tea for him and me (and one for the pot) it came out like liquorice.

Have any of you seen those tea cafetieres. They are like glass globes with a strainer thing suspended in them. Look quite technical so I haven't braved trying one out (they are also expensive). Fate, is it your cafetiere or your cafeterior you like?

You can make perfectly good tea in an ordianry cafetière. Use loose-leaf tea and follow the one-each-an-one-for-the-pot rule. Warm the pot first. Just like a teapot really, only tall and made of glass. And no need for a tea strainer.

You can probably make coffee in the "tea cafetières" (thétières?). I don't see any reason not to. I haven't got one of those; they're too expensive. And anyway, you can make tea in a cafetière (did I mention that?). Mind you, I've got a teapot, so I generally use that. For making tea, that is. For coffee I use a cafetière (which incidentally you can also use for making tea).

You probably can, but why bother? I have a teapot, for multiple-cup brewing, and an infuser for single-cup brewing. The infuser is a perforated thingy which opens like a clam when you squeeze the handle... oh bugger, it's just too hard to describe. Here, look down the Internet - I've propped it in front of my screen so you can see it. OK?

Anyway, my idea of the perfect cup is Earl Grey, no milk, no sugar. When I have ordinary tea I take milk, and I am emphatically a prelactarian as adding the milk to the hot tea results in scalded milk and an odd taste.

Quite why people drink instant coffee is beyond me. Why waste all that money when mud is freely available in the garden?

Infusers are strange things aren't they? I've yet to find one which doesn't leak at the edges. Mind you I have only ever bought wierd novelty ones. What's the difference between using one of those and a teabag? Apart from the obvious quality of the tea (you could buy expensive tea bags).
What a cracking idea - using a cafetiere for tea. Only problem is I don't use the cafetiere much because its a pain to clean - unlike a teapot. I will try it out though.

You could buy expensive tea bags, yes. Waitrose Earl Grey is pretty good IMO, and so of course is Twinings. But the loose tea has bigger leaves and infuses better.

The infuser I have is stainless steel, and comprises a mesh ball split in two with a rim about 2mm wide, hinged at one edge, and opened by squeezing a handle which is looped at one end to form a strong spring. It doesn't leak at all, and is a very serious tea-making object, not at all a novelty item.

The very best tea-making object, in my experience, is the Chatsworth teapot. This has a large basket into which you put the leaves, removing the need for a strainer, and you can hoik the leaves out before the tea gets stewed.

That is a bit of a cracking idea, I too will give it a bash. Who mentioned cosy's for coffee cafethingys (My cafeteire?), where can I get one of those?
Talking of coffee - does anyone bother to grind their own beans?

I think the restaurant at the office here grows them as well. here is no other explanation for the speed of service.

OK, hi, i'm here to say that milk in tea is cool, lemon in tea is just sick. Bye, gotta go, Dad needs the phone.

Odd person. Only with inferior tea, brewed using an inferior process, would the taste difference between prelactarian and postlactarian be obscured in this way.

As to lemon, well you must be putting the wrong amount in. Just a small squeeze in a really fresh cup of Earl Grey is ambrosia indeed.

Rice pudding in tea?

Fate. I have only ever seen the cafetiere cosies in one place and sadly for you (unless you live there) this was on the Isle of Lewis (Outer Hebrides). It was a quality item made of genuine handwoven Harris tweed and you could choose from a number of decorations including a rabbit.

Anyone got an unusual strainer?