h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ner did trust those ppl got a blightly for next to nothing. *snort*

Never a truer word was spoken dear boy.
Didn't I order a sherry a while ago? Where's that chappy with the face like a dried bulldog?

i make it a policy never to pardon the frenc, what? did all those men die in vain at agincourt?

Well, old Redders seems to be up to `is neck in it already!!
Thanks for the report, Fred, now if you`d be so kind as to clean up that damned mess on the floor.....can`t expect Scrotum to do it...too busy fetchin` the drinks...or should be...
SCROTUM !! where`s that Clencher!! Look lively there`s a good chap!

*slides a bottle of Cap'n Morgan out of his coat, takes a swig, and hides it again*

MmmnnnnnII saaaaw that, old boy!
Sly old devil, bringin' yer own tipple into the club.

Not that I blame you, what, what with the service round here being SO BALLY APALLING!

I say, if I shout loud enough d'you think he'll remember who pays his wages?

come to that, who does pay his wages?

I'd be willing to wager he drinks his wages, if you get my drift, boys!

The state he`s usually in, must be payin` `im too much, what!
Unless, of course, it`s all part of some sly plot to cut down our alcohol intake. But who`d want to do that d`yer suppose ??

Aliens!

*steals Red's drink while he's away in Korea*

*Gets fed up waiting to be served, goes to fetch a drink himself*

I`ve got two pints of Clencher and a large McLurchers here...no offense chaps, but I`m drinkin``em m`self!!

Right 'ho!

Think I'll raid the bar meself since the old peepers are open for once. Reminds me of when meself and the chaps from the motorcycle detachment raided a warehouse in Egypt lookin' fer weapons and the like!
Ended up in the clink for that little jape if I recall...

What ho chaps, is it me - or is that foul stench in here again?



Bassers

*swoons*

Now then Chaps, just thought I'd pass one or two of Redders travel tips and hints when visting Foreign climes.

USEFUL CHAPS PHRASES TO KNOW

As an absolute minimum I'd recommend you get to grips with the following

You there.
Sir, you are a disgrace.
I would not bed my Polo pony in this frightful room.
I am the 15th Duke of Wimborne and you are a mere shopgirl. They will never believe you, you know.

TRAVEL ESSENTIALS

In my experience there are a few things a Chap should never be without no matter where in the world they be.

Manservant
Chauffeur
Native bearers
Shooting stick
Elephant Gun
Bottle of G 'n' T
Superior attitude

he's obviously not very well bred, is he chaps? one does not travel with one's manservant. one brings one's butler, dear boy.

Harrummph !

Well one is quite entitled to one's opinions of course but the thought of taking Scrotum on a journey of any significance is too utterly appalling.

Besides who would get the drinks when he was away ..... ah yes see what you mean - absolutely no impact on the bar service whatsoever, of course.

Maybe we could get Wonders to trade him in for a few camels on his trip to the Dark Continent, eh ?

Had a manservant once.
Also had an antique china tea set.

They both disappeared at once, you know.

Yes that china set did sell well, if you wanted to know. Ops did I say that out loud.