h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*pulls himself off floor and nicks tea*

*A rift in the time/space continuum opens up, and a grenade falls out, landing on Bass' head. The rift close, and the grenade has about a millisecond before it finally, finally, finally goes off*

[When the explosion dies down, Bass looks none the worse for wear.]

[Bass] ...

Have I joined or am I joining?
I think I'm joining.

OH !!!

that's me, don't sign up that above identity.

*A Gecko Warrior walks in*

Gecko Warrior #8667090-To join, you must pass the initiation. Get into that gigantic, hollow pin-ball over there. We'll eject you into the giant pin-ball machine, in multiball mode. After three days of rolling around, you must find a needle in a field of haystacks.

me?

Gecko Warrior #8667090-Yes, you. Assuming that you wish to become a member of STUMPED, h2g2's most succesfull organization of super villains.

[Bass] Uh, I think we're the /only/ group of --

[Wily] No, there's actually a couple of others.

[Bass] Oh. Right. Never mind.

Gecko Warrior #8667090-When The Great Minos, Ruler Of The Krylma returns, STUMPED will meet with these other organizations. They will either become licensed through us so that we still retain superiority at large, or they will be destroyed for not complying with us. We have more super villains, the other groups have more assasins, bounty hunters, pirates and spies.

uh...

am i supposed to do something now?

*The Gecko Warrior pushes the initiate into the giant pinball*

GW-You'll automatically be released in 3 days. You've gotta enter them before the balls start rolling, I'm afraid.

*Pushes the button to shoot the initiate into the pinball machine, along with the six other multiballs*

GW-Did I tell this one about the thermonuclear explosive hidden in one of them?

*Hears voices and slinks in out of the shadows.*

*Watches the initiate.*

Oh, how I do so enjoy this.

am i missing something

*A monitor in Wonko's pinball turns on, revealing the Gecko Warrior*

Gecko Warrior-You're currently inside the spinball. There are six other pinballs in the giant machine with you. One of 'em's got a thermonuclear bomb in it, though, so make sure not to collide with that one. For three days. And don't get too dizy. Have fun!

what do I do then?

Gecko Warrior-Hope that your lucky and don't hit the wrong pinball. Hope that you're properly insured against the whiplash that most people get in there. Hope that your weight will steer the pinball in just the right direction. Hope that the world will ever stop spinning when you dizzilly stumble out in three days. Hope that there isn't any permanent brain damage. A lot of hoping, really.

Oh, and after this you have to find a needle in a field of haystacks. Just FYI.

[Darth Corrigible] We ought to come up with a new task for them. Let's see ... death pinball, wooden needle in 50 haystacks ... What else is there?

Gecko Warrior-We could require them to perform an act of vandalism against a respect h2g2 insitution, I suppose.