h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We started the Advanced Haiku Challenge when we were stuck at yahoo groups. The idea is: you try and combine TWO topics into one haiku.

(Don't forget to post a topic for the next person )

The first topics:
sports medicine and christmas decorations

Mix sports medicine
with christmas decorations;
you'll get a nice drink.

Next: "terms and conditions" and "igloos".

I'd like to enter
this igloo; but I have to
agree to the rules!

next: falling off a burning building and shallots

The ground approaches.
I hope heaven has shallots.
Death is imminent.

Next: boxing and Rubik's Cube

One too many hits
to the head, and I can't count
the faces on this!

next: violins and space stations

Starships flying by.
Would they, if I could hear them,
sound like violins?

Here's another, just to elaborate.

We could launch some ships.
Maybe start an orchestra.
No one would hear it...

Next: emptiness and chewing gums

In space, nobody
can see you chew! Wait, that's not
right! They can't hear it!

next: differential calculus and facial blemishes

Calculus bores me.
I would trade this homework for
a wart on my nose.

(We're obviously the only ones brave enough to do advanced haikus! I guess that makes us . Or maybe people with too much time on our hands... Whatever.)

Next: relegation and helicopters

In the matter of
helicopters, it was deemed
best to relegate

next: solar flares and banging your shin

I think it's because most people started on the original thread; and those who come here tend to go to either the easiest or hardest

This is my 'middle child'

But of COURSE we're

Those darn solar flares!
They knocked my starship off course,
and I banged my shin.

Yeah, space is a b**ch.

next: bouillabaise and bodybuilding
(might want to try to make that an alliteration too. )

I *know* I'm ...

Sorry to intrude, but..

I wish for muscles
I will build horses from my
bouillabaise protein

Do horses count as my season word?

Next: address books and clementines

My new address book
Has a picture on the front
Of -yuk!-clementines

I thought I grew out of counting things on my fingers when I was alot younger, but apparently I still need to do it.

Nothing like composing Haikus to make you feel silly.

Next: Brie and batteries

Percy, would you like a link on the challenge page?

Brie does not make a
good substitution for my
car battery. Rats!

...don't worry Dastardly, do this challenge long enough and you'll find that the syllable work is largely intuitive

Uh... next: diamonds and dodos

I quite like dodos
And I'd swap all my diamonds
For one to come back

Next:
Fish and fables

Oooh, yes please!

Above the sky: land!
Or so 'tis written in the
Fables of the Fish

Next: Arsenic and Artichokes

Percy, you're on the list!

Lace my artichokes
with arsenic, and I shall
surely die! Oh yes!

next: genetics and really big snowballs

Now, with genetics,
we can make bigger bigfoots.
They'll make huge snowballs.

Next: keyboards and car chases

yay!

in Grand Theft Auto
I speed along the highway
just by pressing "up"

next: train wrecks and sushi

It transported fish.
Now it's just a steaming wreck.
Sushi, anyone?

Next: bars and bratwursts