h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Your Majesty has always been most fair in staff matters, and I prefer not to bother the elves if I can possibly help it. Such noble creatures are above the menial day to day tasks involved in the running of the castle, or at least, that's what my father Outfangthrolth, royal butler to your own father the old king, told me. You may remember my father from when you a mere stripling of a young prince. However, times change, and if you think that the elves would not take offence, I'll put it too them.

*smiles*
Long have I been aware of the pride such loyal butlers as yourself and your father have always taken in doing all of your own work, and I certainly appreciate such dedication, the kingdom would surely suffer greatly were it not for such loyal servants. The elves, however, are well looked after and consider what assistance they can provide as fair recompense for the manner in which they are kept....indeed, it was elves that built this castle, and there is more than a little elven blood in the Queen and I.....

I always knew it your Majesty. Those of us who have been around the royal family all of our life can tell. It shines through, especially in the case of the Queen. Such poise.
*wipes a tear from a rheumy eye*

She is a remarkably gracious creature, is she not? *looks affectionately at her*

Aww... *smiles*

By Jove she is sire. My father, who was the wisest man I've ever known, knew that not only is she a woman of superior lineage and upbringing, but also that she has that certain elven touch. The entire kingdom rejoiced when the marriage was announced, knowing that... oh, I'm sorry your majesty, it's this new hearing aid. It works so well that I often pick up strange and unfathomable messages on it. Just then I could have sworn I heard someone say "Houston, we have a problem". Now what in the world do you suppose that could mean? Why, just yesterday believe I heard someone who I think was called Vinscully talking about something called the world series. Series of what I wonder?
*wanders off in an uncertain and unsteady manner toward one staircase, stops, looks at another, then walks up a third*

*looks towards Alien*
You know, my Queen, I don't think it would be possible to have a finer butler than he......

I truly agree...

Cool! This is a great kingdom! *looks around at elven-built castle and royal entourage*
Do you have a nice, murky swamp-land around here where I could keep the reptiles and maybe some LARGE birds? A bayou maybe? I don't REALLY practice sorcery but I grow herbs and make potions with swamp roots and brackish water...

We don't have any swamp land, pines not tending to be fans of brackish water, but you may be able to work something out with the ranger and a few worker elves....there are a few clearings which may be utilised, but on no account may any trees be chopped down. Just how large *are* these birds, anyway?

Not that large...falcons, hawks, the occasional owl, swans, peacocks. Hmmm. Crocs do need at least a warm river and mud banks for nesting. I wouldn't dream of chopping a single pine! A clearing deep in the forest, I suppose, for an aviary. If you don't mind, the elves can build a stone lodge there as well. As long as the river isn't running with orange juice the crocs should do just fine.

Would the King and Queen be in need of a royal mage? One who can play with all manners of potions and spells, trying to devise things of use to the kingdom?

A royal mage....I'm intrigued......would your skills be used soley for the good of the Kingdom?

But of course, your highness. Who would think of doing otherwise to such a wonderful kingdom?

Very well then! Royal mage you shall be.....I think you may find it useful to talk to ox, who seems to have all sorts of herbs, potions and the like....in fact, suspiciously many for a reptile keeper...hmmm....nevertheless, are there any things you require to assist you in your work?

Nothing that the elves couldn't easily take care of sire. If there is nothing else, I believe I have a laboratory to set up.

But of course, just let me know where you set up your laboratory, so that I can include it on the tour....

The Royal Mage will be able to find all kinds of herbs and root stock in the woods (I will be harvesting some of mine under this full moon). If you need any astrological or lunar help, oh Dan the Mage, drop by the lodge.
By the way...threads for the various areas of the kingdom? I'd like to start building the lodge and aviary but wanted to ask first before I start a thread from this page.

I'm sure it's okay to start new threads here - you have the Queen's permission since the King's away for the weekend...

*pops his head in*
No I'm not! Feel free to start threads for other parts of the kingdom....not everything can happen here in the entrance hall...