h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Nary fuff.....

*Footsteps echo from one of the staircases. Enter Thruthelthrolth, still carrying his new hearing aid. Looks around in some confusion*

Ah, I seem to have taken.... a wrong turn somehwere *koff*, this doesn't look like the butler's pantry at all. Umm, maybe I should have gone up instead of down. Pardon the intrusion your majesties.

*shuffles off toward another staircase muttering something about multi-dimensional castles not being what they once were*

Think nothing of it Thruthlethrolth, it takes time to settle into a new castle.....

*a greenish, leafy figure emerges from the forest and shuffles up to the Royal pair, kneeling before them*

O mighty King and Queen of Balwyniti, I beg an audience.

I am no minstrel, but a simple forest dweller, a Ghille Dhu - greenman, that is - who is deeply enchanted by the magnificent woods surrounding your palace. Therefore, your highnesses, I apply for the post of Royal Ranger in your Kingdom, so that I may guard and tend the woodlands. Who better suited for the job than a greenman, who, attuned as he is to the great Wheel of Life, can talk to the forest in its own language? The trees are lonely, I can tell, and in need of company - company that I may offer.

Dear Greenman, we'd be delighted to have you as Royal Ranger - for my grief the pines truly have started looking somewhat lonely after we built the palace, because we haven't had enough time to keep them company... But now they need not be lonely anymore! Welcome to our kingdom!

(the King will no doubt update the page as soon as he returns on Monday...)

I thank thee for this honor, my Queen. I shall begin my duties immediately. Apart from taking care of the forest, I can also take care of any people who may get lost in it. I will see to it that the pine forest is a friendly place for travellers.

Not that I will be hiding in the woods all the time, though: I am pleased to keep company to the non-tree inhabitants in the palace as well. As long as they don't cut down any trees.

No one would ever cut down the trees in the forest! They've all been planted with love...

I should sooner my hands were cut off and replaced with the flippers of a fish than see that forest desecrated.......welcome, Greenman, to our happy Kingdom, and may the grass always be greener on your side of the fence......

Sounds like a cue for me!


It is I, your royal highnesses (that doesn't sound great), a travelling minstrel from a far-away land!

Greetings, travelling minstrel, and what be your name?

My name be Almighty Rob. Can I offer my services for the pleasure of your royal highnesses?

I'd love to hear some music!

With pleasure!


A long, long time ago
I can still remember...


No, no, Madonna killed that one.
Any requests?

Tell us, Almighty Rob, what can you play for us?

Unfortunately, m'lud, nothing at the present moment.

I have been called away to other goodly duties.



But if you would accept my calling card, I would be most grateful. Feel free to visit "The Shrine of Almighty Rob (U144149)" any time you need some serenading.

But for now, I must bid you adieu.

Very well, Almighty Rob, you shall be an official travelling minstrel, and we hope to hear your tunes sometime soon....

*Oi! How did I get here? Looks pleasant enough! I wonder if the are in need of any Doctors of Dementia?* Hello?!?

Dr. D

Hello, Your Highnesses!
If you need someone to tend the crocodiles I'm your keeper...I'd probably add a nice swampy alligator or two and happily tend the toothy reptiles.

*enter Thruthelthrolth the butler, shuffling as always*

Your Majesties, as the kingdom seems to be growing apace, may I respectfully ask that we advertise for more staff to help out here at the castle? The maid is beginning to get worried that if we experience a sudden influx of visitors she won't be able to give the quality of service your Majesties are used to and would no doubt want your guests to enjoy. I'll place an advertisement in The Post if your Majesties so wish.

Welcome to you both! Zonker, a doctor of any kind is always surely welcome in the Kingdom, and we would be honoured if you were to render us your services. Would you like a title to go with it? A lordship? A baronetcy?
Ox, we are happy to have you on board, for surely do the crocodiles need tending, otherwise they might get rather hungry were mini-golf not played regularly enough.....

Thruthelthrolth, I would not deny you any assistance you thought might be necessary, you are hard working enough without any extra impositions. I trust to your judgement on the nature of an advertisement, but remember that worker elves are readily available for the more menial tasks, you have only to summon them.......

To all, enjoy your time in the Kingdom!