h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Indeed.

Last year, as I was home alone, watching TV late at night, someone snuck into my garden and threw a handful of gravel on my windows. I got very scared. A bit angry, because the windows were half a year old only, and now needed to be replaced. But mostly I felt vulnerable. When it's dark outside, and lights are on indoors, you don't see anything at all in the garden outside.

So I got myself a floodlight with a sensor. When the sensor picks up movement, the light goes on for about fifteen seconds. And only when it's really dark.

The man next door complained after a short while. He was bothered by the light. I explained about the intruders. Police dropped the investigation immediately, of course. No traces or leads to follow. No threats, nothing. So I got the lights, to at least blind any intruders, and possibly get a look at them.

A while back, he complained again, to R. I don't know exactly what was said. But R did not come in, saying "We have to fix the lights", so it didn't seem very urgent.

Which brings us to this morning. When I went out to pick up my morning paper, there was also a printed note, and some screws, plugs and plastic bits in a baggie. No names, but at the bottom printed "kind regards, your neighbor at 4C". Instructing me to shield the thing because it bothers him. However, since I still have no explanation - is it the light that shines too much into his garden, or is the sensor starting the light when he moves in his garden? Both perhaps? I don't know which bit to fix. I did go out, and turn the sensor away from his side, and turn the lamp downwards a bit, so that less light should fall in his garden.

Then I gathered my courage a bit, and knocked on his door, to ask which was the more important problem. But no answer. I haven't seen him all day. And I don't really want to respond with another note...

Why didn't he just talk to me yesterday, when we were both in our gardens? He is so odd...

And now in the evening, I can't quite understand why it winds me up so much. Perhaps because I'm home alone? R is in Hawaii, with his family, and the kids with their dad.

In the afternoon, I got a headache - maybe from tension? And when it wouldn't go away with ibuprofen, and darkness, I took my triptane nasal spray too. And after half an hour, the pain and nausea lessened, and the weepiness also went away.

And I remembered, that weepiness and sadness often precede those headaches, that ibuprofen don't take away.

Oh, Milla, I am so sorry. It is horrible when there is friction between neighbours. Why can't people come out straight with the problems and negotiate and be nice. If you are on your own at the moment why can't he come and help you fix the problem instead of being devious about it.

I am on my own all the time now, it doesn't bother me, and generally I like being my own boss, but like you it is when things go wrong you feel extra vulnerable.

I do hope you can make contact and get it sorted. Stay positive, I am sure it will be sorted.



Websailor

Thanks Websailor

Usually I'm OK being all alone, but today it got to me.

I had a skype talk with R, and as I thought, he hadn't promised anything at all! He just said "I'll check", nothing more. It feels better to know that, and to have talked.

That neighbour is such an oddball... so shy, he does get a bit grumpy to compensate, I suppose. While still looking like he's expecting a beating...

I admit, I find light like that a bit annoying if they shine into my house or if the trigger area is on my driveway/path by mistake.

I think you are absolutely right to ask what aspect of the light he finds annoying, because it may be as simple as adjusting where the trigger area is, or altering the angle so it doesn't shine into his garden.

Well done for getting the courage to knock on his door - hopefully at some point you'll manage to catch him and clear this up.

Neighbours can be hard work!

It points away from the house, so it can only shine out into the garden... let's hope the trigger is pointed away enough that it doesn't catch him in his garden, and that the light is lowered and doesn't shine so much now.

The houses are attached (terraced? townhouses?).

Terraced houses can be tricky! We only share one wall but thankfully we have very solid walls so we can't hear them. In fact, they can't even hear when he cries!

I don't hear when he plays the piano - which is funny because he came over, asking why we *jump* everytime he plays it... I apologised for the kids stomping in the stairs, but we do not hear the piano. And at least he said it wasn't the stair stomping!

Neighbours, in my experiance at least, are fine* if your living in a town, or rural area/countryside, but just a terrible thing if you live in a city.... Things are too close together, no one has anything in common, most don't even work locally... All my Dad's neighbours are great, always have been, and everyone knows everyone else by name.... Occasionally a hedge gets too high, but no ones ever come to blows over it, and as the places are detached, with gardens, noise doesn't useually cause a problem... Its also not the sort of road people pass down much, going elsewhere, and its got something of a 'commnunity feels' to it, even if sometimes our family seems to have taken the 'town idiot' job in perpetuity

The worse place I lived was a flat; in a loverly area; right by the river, but we had neighbours left and right, and above.... Though it was amusing having one neighbour complain once about ... noises made within my flat during the day Considering they're purpose built flats, no consideration was given to any sound restriction designs in the building

Here the noise isn't too bad, unless as we have had, we get very* noisey neighbours... I think they've gone... who can tell, I've never met a neighbour here, having lived here since 1999... The German guys next door could be a bit annoying at times; they had jobs that were shift work, so were often coming and going at odd times, but that wasn't ever too much a problem, not enough to wake one up useually... Loud late parties by students was annoyign when they were there...

Main problem here is opening the front door, and falling over unconscious drunk/drugged up homless people laying on the front doorstep, that is rather annoying
I've just about decided to move, now, as this area has really gone downhill, despite when I moved here, the place really looking like it was 'on the way up'.... Change happened, when the old, well established shops ups the street changed... People runnign the new shops don't live round here, any sense of community vanished...
I've got to move to a dettached place, with a garden, and not in such a hot spot for druggies and alco homless people, they're so tediously annoying...

We had a couple (man and woman), I think who must live nearby, shouting in the street outside, from 9 AM today, until about 11, and then they went at it again, early afternoon... I've no idea what that's about, it seems to be the trend that if your going to have an arguement, here, you do so in the middle of the street, rather than in your own home

Its so nice in contrast, anywhere where you can actually know and get on with the neighbours, be friends even, share, help and know each other..
Both sides of me, are rented properties, so again you don't get anyone having a real vested interest in the area, they just live here, whilst they need to, then move on

You'd think this sort of quiet neighbourhood be fine then... Actually most people are sweet, but we're all rather private. Just this one being funny...

I hope you find a nice place soon, 2legs, it sounds horrible the way it is on your street!

It varies... most of the time its fine really, and the druggies/drunks/homless are more a nusience than anything else... I guess some people get worried a lot more by that kinda people being on the street all the time, but I've never really felt threatened by them... Basically their probably too wrecked most the time to be that* actually threatening but... it just wears one down after a while I guess...

With this neighbour your talking about, sounds more like the problem is, their inability to communicate... What is their actual* problem with the security light... Its not like security lights are that* uncommon, I know a few people who have them, less for being security lights, and more to light up the front of their house, as they come into the garden, and out of the street lighteing, when, returning late at night to their house etc...

If you get a chance, speak to him face to face. He may just appreciate the direct approach, but if not pop a note through his door asking him exactly what bothers him about the light. If he has a valid complaint, at least you have something to work with

He sounds like a shy oddball who doesn't have the odd balls () to confront you. He probably is afraid of upsetting you - and thereby does just that

I don't know, of course, never met him

But approaching him directly face to face and tell him you would like to solve this problem as much for his sake as your own is probably the best idea. He may be the best of friends once you get to know him and will gladly look out for both you and your garden and house

Since he doesn't seem to have the courage try to pick up some yourself and go knock on his door. Maybe even bring some homemade . Who can resist homemade ?

You can do it, you know you can!

Actually, cake might not be a bad idea. Nothing says 'I really want to work this out' like cake (or other gifts, I suppose, but cake is really welcome in my house ).

I did knock yesterday, but either he was out, or didn't want to open. I'll try again. And I don't want to go respond with a note. It will always be paper notes in that case.

We've talked before, and it is awkward. He is so obviously uncomfortable, that I feel a bit sorry for him. If it weren't for his way of demanding things, I would feel more sorry for him, he seems such a sad figure. Sort of shy-passive-aggressive-underdog-insulted-victim thing going on. Very strong opinions but ashamed to have them, and still they must be met.

But no cake for him. Never.

I try to be a decent person, saying hi when we meet, smiling, trying to be less scary, but he still seems to think I hate him. I admit, I don't *like* him, but hate? Anger? No. Not worth it.

No cake! definately not.... If a neighbour offered me cake, I'd take it to the pollice and ask them to get the lab to examine it...

If 2legs gave me cake, I'd ask for antidotes...

I finally talked to him. I knocked again, and he came to the door. I told him I had made some changes to the sensor and the lamp, and asked that he let me know how it works. He still trembles and has a very shaky voice when we talk, but perhaps all the smiling and trying to be kind helps. Who knows.

And he told me that my previous cats would sneak into his house - and once got locked in! Cheeky cats! Let's see if this one stays an indoor cat... He didn't seem too upset about that though. But you never know.

So. We shall see how unhappy he is about the new positions of lamp and sensor....

He wasn't very sympathetic about me being upset at people in my garden. A gate would be better he things. But gates open in the dark, and you can't hear them well with closed windows. A light will shine regardless. Maybe a light down by the opening to the path, down at the other end (where most people have a gate, except me) would be better.

Here... have some bread ...

He sounds very nervous

Oh, definitely a gate! a creaky one, or one with a bell that rings when you open it. You can get electronic door chimes that do this as well as cow bell types. You could even make the gate switch the light on over your front door, as a welcome to guests in the dark. My last house did something similar, there was a sensor that turned on a welcome light as soon as you walked through the gate.. Oh and also outdoor lights that came on at dusk and stayed on for a few hours ( I could vary the length) as well as floodlights for the back garden in case of intruders.

The previous owners had installed it all, and the house came with its own instruction manual, carefully printed ( with photographs) to explain the intricacies.

... the central heating controls took about four double pages...

... then there was the wired -for-sound system throughout, with built in speakers in various ceilings and an amplifier in one of the roof spaces. We never did quite get that totally sussed.

Sorry, that was a bit off topic. I got carried away.

And definitely no cake.

Sounds like you've got the level about right. You can't fix everyone, so don't even try, but you've tried to be a friendly and pleasant neighbour willing to make a reasonable effort to keep everyone happy.

If it still disturbs him then you can always explain again that you *have* had people in the yard so it is for safety and security, and inquire about the state of his bedroom curtains. Perhaps he doesn't have a blackout liner and could invest in getting that rectified.

I have a friend who's neighbour has even complained about the 'disturbance' caused by her solar lawn lights. You know, the ones that wouldn't help an SAS specialist with night vision goggles find the path because they are so useless. (I don't understand said friend's need to have them, myself, but it's hardly something worth being really confrontational about, living in the city as she does, is it?).

Good luck and don't let him get to you. X