h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well done for speaking to him, Milla! Hopefully it'll be the path to reconciliation.

>>This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship<<

Sounds like the guy has some real hangups and needs some pleasant company. He ought to be grateful to you.

I don't like having neighbours, I dream of moving away from people. There's always One Neighbour who just ruins it all.

Oh, boy is that neighbour messed up...

Some time this summer, he approached me in the parking lot, and was very upset (as he always is) that we keep jumping up and down each time he plays the piano.

I said "What? You play the piano?" We never hear it, and even if we did, it's a normal thing to do, and why would we jump up and down for not liking it, instead of going over and ask him to stop? Well, he was yelling, and I shouted back that he can just stop that nonsense about us jumping. If we make noise, I apologise, but it has nothing to do with a piano that we don't hear.

Fast forward to two hours ago.

I step off the bus, walk the 50 meters to my house. Open the mailbox, full of stuff. My front yard is recessed from the bike/walking path outside (no cars in the neighborhood) so it's really dark. I'm first home, so no one put the lights on in the front yard or house. Black it is.

As I walk up to the door, furthest in at the recessed yard, he says hi, and begins following me. Shouting about me moving furniture last night. I said, no, we didn't move any furniture, but we watched football. "that was no footballs". We watched it on tv, and yes we got excited. Four teens, and two adults. Happy shouting when Ibrahimovic scored, and upset and shouting when Ronaldo scored. Big deal. But we were apparently moving furniture at 11 pm.

Also, we are harrassing him. (I was surprised too...) I slam my kitchen drawers so hard, they almost go through his wall. TO harass him.

I guess I shouted back, that yes, they make noise, but I have no intention to harass.

I opened my door and told him to leave, but he was trying to come into my house. I pushed him off. Literally, used my forearm across his chest to move him away.

I tried to close my door, but he pulled it open.

I said go away, but he said "you must listen to me. Or call the police!"

So I pulled up my phone and he left. I phoned the police, and was in hysterics. They took my report over the phone, and promised to send someone. No, I'm not physically hurt, but I am very afraid. I am home alone. And so on. While I was on the phone, he came knocking again.

After the police phonecall, I called R, and told him what was going on. Neighbour came back again, this time taping a message to my window, apologising for his behaviour, but claming he was still right about the matter. (I suppose he means we harass him). It took me a while to calm down, talking to R.

About 20 minutes later, two policemen came, and listened to me. Still rather hysteric, unfortunately, using half a kitchen roll for blowing my nose, telling them the story, and the background, and all the events I could remember.

They wanted me to report him for assault, which meant that they could *not* go over and talk to him because he would then be suspect of crime. The other option was to not make a full report for assault, but let them "mediate" and go over and talk to him.

Which they did. They promised me to say that *they* recommended me reporting him, but I wanted the mediaiton. And they were so much on my side.

Yes, I shouldn't make crazy noises. But one football match every other year, and putting the cutlery away in drawers isn't crazy.

I'm not out to harass him, but he seems paranoid, and has way too much time alone to imagine all sorts of plots against him.

But this is enough.

Now, I'm going to yoga.

Oh gosh, Milla, that sounds really upsetting.

It was. But yoga is very good. Now I'm almost normal. Or what goes for normal around here

Deep breaths, breath of fire, moving meditations, relaxation. MMmmmm.

Good heavens! How very intimidating. Will the police come back and let you know how they got on?

I'd be scared to death, and I'd recommend you get a light that can turn on with a timer so that your house is not dark when you come home.

Next time, I plan to scream my head off, and make all the people from the bus stop and other neigbours come running

I will ask everybody to leave the porch lights on.

Sheesh! I'm glad you're ok, and that the police responded so reasonably. Sounds like he needs a hobby.

He needs a whole life...

Might I suggest that you get a restraining order next time he assaults you?

Definitely.

The policement recommended something like that today, but I think them going in to talk makes a bigger impression than a letter in a brown envelope ten days from now. If I had reported today, they couldn't talk to him, because he would be a suspect.

But one more bad move, and I report him for real.

whew - that's really difficult, Milla. I wonder why he hardly spoke at all for months and now is behaving like this.

If he tries it again, report him.

The police *will* talk to him, when they arrest him.

Don't put up with crap from a complete stranger, this is real life, not the internet

And so the story continues.

He (let's call him B) has befriended the neighbour on his other side (now called W). They talk, share a glass of wine, and so on. And he keeps complaining about all the noise I make. So W gets a bit fed up, and suggests B and I talk it out, and invites us to his own home (sort of neutral ground) and he acts as a mediator.

B explains how I've been running a campaign against him since 2008, and that since the last time, it's only been getting worse. When he has visiting friends, they are really scared by all the noise and banging on walls, even though he "explains to them it's nothing personal, we are just very very noisy".

He mentions the latest big incident, very clearly dated to 15 january. At 3 pm, he and a friend are playing their violins, practicing for a concert, and there is suddenly violent banging on the separating wall. Obviously becaus we are so upset about the violin noise. He goes over to our house to talk, rings the doorbell but no-one opens.

Funny thing, though. I pull out my diary, and explains that on that particular date, I am in China on a business trip. The kids are with their dad, visiting grandparents. I didn't mention R to him, but why would R hang around at my house alone? He has his own flat in the next town over.

B gets a little quiet, and humming and hawing says it might have been the following Saturday maybe. Well, says I, I had just arrived home from China the night before, and there was no violin playing and no banging on walls. I slept with jetlag, undisturbed.

We keep talking (very organised, the moderator W makes sure no one is interrupted, and each one has to say "finished" before the other starts speaking) for almost an hour.

I am repeatedly accused of retaliating for piano noise and violin noise by bangning with my kitchen drawers and walking heavily on the floors.

I repeatedly say that we *hear no noise* from him. No piano, no violin, nothing. We never bang walls, but yes, we use the kitchen. Like people do.

My son plays the electric bass, perhaps that is disturbing him? The bass can be noisy, and he also taps his foot pretty heavily to keep the rythm. But no, B never hears anything from the bass. My daughter now and then puts up a new nail in the wall for a picture, perhaps that has been a source? No, it was never that sharp hammering sound. I keep suggesting things that happen in a normal life, but no. The only thing is that we retailate by kitchen noise to his playing music.

I am at a loss.

What annoys me is that I can't be angry at him. As in totally unable. I was pretty calm through the talk, not raising my voice, not crying, but of course I burst into tears when I came home.
I thought about it, and I can only explain by this: I am 160 cm woman. He is about 190 cm man. If I shout, he might see it as allowing him to shout. And shouting can escalate to violence. So, getting angry might put me in physical danger.

It further annoys me that I keep trying to explain and apologise for living a normal life. Or a pretty dull life, even. I can't even remember the last time we had dinner guests, much less a noisy party. Perhaps daughter's graduation, almost 2 years ago. But he never mentioned that.

I don't know what to do about this. Total mindf*ck.

So.
I was beginning to doubt my sanity a little, so I decided to check with the police. And they could verify that 1) I had called, 2) they visited me 3) I chose not to report him for harassment 4) they did go talk to him that day.

And today, I have actually filed a harassment report. The kind officer asked if B might have been talking about this to other people, because that might be slander, and is also illegal.

This must end. I can't do this anymore.

I'm glad you got the police involved, it'll hopefully show him that you're not taking his crap, and if he really does believe that you're making noise, he'll call the police while it's happening and they're prove it's not!

Don't know where in the world you live Milla but this sort of thing is usually dealt with quite effectively by the police. Did you keep the apology note as that's an admission of guilt in any harassment case. Do you both own your properties or rent. Landlords have a legal obligation to evict neighbours who cause harassment alarm or distress. So sorry its got to this level of discomfort for you and I hope things resolve themselves soon.

I kept the note, so I have that. Somewhere.

But it's owned properties, so no-one can evict him, sadly.

I'm not sure it'll help, this, though. I have a feeling he might just be more angry. Hard to guess what happens next.

Just another update, mostly to keep a log.

Yesterday morning at 7 am, I drove off to work, this time at a customer 1½ hours away. R has suddenly got a full time job, and went to work at around 8:30, and son goes to school.

In the evening, around 6pm, the neighbour knocks again, and R opens.

Neighbour has a shaky voice again, as always when agitated. Claims that at 3 pm, he was playing piano, and again there was knocking, stomping and pounding on his walls.

R explained that I am away for work in another town, he was at the office. Son came home about then, was asked if he had been home during the day, but hadn't.

I got this reported to me by phone, because I stayed over night at the customer's town.

Either there are s, or he's having aural hallucinations.