h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Palm fronds. Soaked in sea water, tied very quickly and allowed to dry. The salt will preserve them, and keep them strong enough to remain tied.

I hope...

Good thinking CD. That ought to hold.

*starts tying up a makeshift shelter*

Kiddo: Sure... that'll work too.

*tramps over*

Now, what are we going to do about keeping out snakes?

* The night sets in before this tribe has the inclination to build a sturdy shelter, subsequently despite sharing the tough old snake their spirits evaporate by nightfall. Which is nothing as to when the wind picks up again later in the night... *

* Some members wake up covered in mosquito bites & bearing a cold... *

.

Oh great! And I thought this was going to be easy!

* A white feather blows past Chrome's feet... *

*Chrome picks it up and peruses it.*

Hmmm ... this suggests that there may be birds on this island!

*Everyone else around him adopts a "No S***, Sherlock" expression, as birdlike warbling is heard in the night...*

Kiddo: Where's the bathroom around here? That bush huh? If you'll excuse me I have to do my business and empty out this sand that has accumulated in my shorts.

*hobbles up to the camp, broken accordian attached to back samurai style*

Consarn it! *throws accordian into the sea* I was attacked by a wild cat whilst hobbling to camp, and I had to use my accordian as a distracton. Uh, I'm okay, but my accordian is busted. Oh well, one less annoyance on this adventure, I suppose.
But, ah, you know, we might want to be on the look out for some fearsome felines, you know.

*shivers* Pretty cold here in the morning. Maybe we could build a fire? We're gonna need to protect it from the wind though. The ridge might be able to do that.

*Petunia peruses some insurance risk charts and finds nothing listed about birds. Little does she know that an input error has caused the words "tropical bird attacks," with a corresponding high risk factor, to be replaced with words "driving very fast whilst using a cell phone, smoking, and drinking."*
Petunia: Should we check out the birds? Kiddo, you have a good throwing arm. Maybe you could knock out a bird with another coconut.

Kiddo:
*Pulls sandy shorts back on behind the bush. I just know I'm gonna get a nasty rash*

Sure, I might could do that. But maybe I should use something other than a coconut.
Are there any wild pigs on this island? I sure hope we don't have to eat rats.

* Seagulls fly about overhead and apparently come to rest up on the top of the hilltop region... *

* Meanwhile, Kiddo gets a nasty rash... *

*Petunia gathers some of the cargo netting and starts up the hillside, planning to sneak up on the seagulls and catch some with the netting. She makes her way up the hillside, tripping on vines along the way. No wait, this one's not a vine, it's a snake! Petunia runs and collapses behind a large rock near the seagulls. She throw the cargo netting towards the birds, being careful to keep hold of one corner of the netting.*

* Although there appears to be a snake in the netting, it appears to have been stuck in its mesh since yesterday, and is barely alive... *

* The seagulls however are far too high in the sky here to have a realistic chance of tangling one up... *

*Kiddo sneaks up to a seagull on the beach. But it flies away before he can even throw the coconut*

Crud!

*Sees another seagull, throws the coconut at it. The bird flies off and the coconut thuds on the sand*

Crud! I'd have better luck catching a crab. But big ones mostly come out at night. I'll look around somewhere else.

*Petunia takes a rock and bashes the barely alive snake on the noggin. Ick.*

* the audience gasps at how long it takes a fine upstanding member of society to revert to pure 'I've got to eat, so I'll just serve you with some sprouts & beans if that's O.K with you...' line *

*wakes up due to all the noise up the beach. She's sore, and sandy, and got a bit of a nasty sunburn, and is extrordinarily hungry*

Fine. Sure. Use a fuggin' coconut to kill a bird. Great.

*removes her bra*

*picks up a rock*

*slingshots the rock at a nearby seagull, neatly braining it.*

See? Much eaisier. Now help me pluck and cook this thing, please.