h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* The woman throws the disk she's cut out of the bartop at the back of the bartender's head. It strikes perfectly on target and the bartender drops to the floor like a sack of potatoes falling from the Empire State Building *

Oh dear. Looks like it's self-service.

* a glass and a bottle of wine float towards her *

*Far off in the distance, the Space Station Big C (no worries, it's real, and isn't here to save the galaxy, rather to save the entire dimensional sector we are in) appear over Lies through a wormhole. It ignores all the other ships around it, enforces a CompreMatter shield around itself and the area where all the Dimensional Breaches and Barriers were created and collapsed, and the Professor gets to work trying to reverse something nasty he did, which could threaten the collapse of this dimension...*

**This has no relevance in this thread, only that it contains reference to the happenings over Lies, where too much matter was transferred between dimensions. I will post a link to the thread containing the outcomes of the Professor's experiments later...**

[Aside]
Oh, I thought you were going to get this thread going again!
Poo.
[/Aside]

*You could always try...*
*Do something dramatic like take control over the Esirpretne (well, everyone's asleep), and, and, um, do something with it...*

I could do that easily [says the woman as she stands up and weaves Compulsion over the entire crew at once]

But now what do I do with it? Nothings interesting anymore.

* she opens a gateway to somewhere loud with lots of music and steps through. It closes behind her *

Eek. Sorry guys - I didn't realise people were still posting here. There was a problem with my main account where loads of threads became spontaneously "unsubscribed", and this must have been one of them. Because no activity was showing up there, I hadn't bothered to log in as "Vlad".


WheezeCoughCoughSplutter...
[Vlad sneezes, and every second star in the sector starts to go supernova, threatining a multitude of irreplaceable civilisations and making the whole of space seem too bright to look at]
Oops.
"What're the chances of that, eh?"



Time for a visit by an itinerant superhero, methinks...

* the woman comes back, her gateway slicing a bit off one of the tables as it opens *

Honestly, Vlad, you're so careless! What are we going to do now, hmm?

Perhaps we should get drunk?

A show of hands, please...

[All the Vlads stick their hands up, some stick both hands up...]

Carried by majority - who said voting was difficult... (!)

* Multiple Illusions of the mysterious woman appear and also raise their hands before vanishing again *

I certainly didn't. Passed by a unanimous vote. Now where can we get some decent drink?

Death Avocado leaps into the forum.

[DA] Hah! While all these villainous types (are they villainous? Who cares! I don't have time for backlog!) disperse to drink, *I* shall...*fanfare* SAVE THE GALAXY!! *hur-hurm* ...again. Now...how to stop every second star in the galaxy from turning supernova...hmm, tough one...*consults Superhero manual.*

...

...

...

Aha - but every second star in the galaxy *isn't* going supernova - it's all the other ones which are!

* the woman looks at the new arrival curiously, then makes a flicking motion with her hand, sending him tumbling end-over-end into one of the the bar's almost-unbreakable windows which immediately shatters. Air begins to rush out of the room and all the furniture starts sliding across the floor. The woman digs her fingernails into the bartop and hangs on for dear life *

Re: "are they villainous?", I think that might answer your question...

Without resorting to backlog, the two characters in the bar are a couple of really evil people who have frozen every other character on the ship in stasis while they get a drink... I say "two" characters, but there are a slowly increasing number of Vlads who appear spontaneously when the circumstances are least likely - his "special power" is manipulating probability.

The backlog is quite funny in places, if you ignore any big space battles...

*If one were to look back over Lies, one would see the Space Station BIg C open a wormhole, and fly through, closing it behind it.* *Though whether the Professor has just saved the Universe (no, hang on...sorry, about 25 Universes actually), or he's zooming off to h2g2 to help them all evacuate to a new dimension is unknown, but can be found out at http://www.h2g2.com/F58935?thread=91531 *

*With a flash, a bang, and some cheep, spangly amateur dramatic sparkles, UH appears*

Ho there, good citizens! What seems to be the trouble. H2G2's own crime fighting force is here.

Thats CHOPPERS, if you didn't know.

* the mysterious and unpleasant woman, having had enough of her hair being sucked out of the broken window, makes an invisible barrier appear across it. Immediately the air stops escaping and things return to some semblance of reality. She turns and looks at the newly-arrived Superhero disdainfully, then shakes her head *

Not another Superhero...

* she walks back to the bar for a drink *

Yes! A traditionally UH heroic entrance. I'm so well loved!

* the woman drinks several glasses of clear stuff and turns back to Ungle Heavy the Superhero, wondering if she should break the window again or just throw him out of it *

* Almost 2 years on, Peet surveys the remains of the forum... *

Hmmm. I wonder if I can figure out what password I used for Vlad...

Maybe we should start this up again... new thread, new plot, probably entirely new characters (at least on my part anyway). Anyone?