h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(nim, who has been all this time standing in the corner sipping cautiously at her drink, suddenly starts to flutter with her wings and gently takes of)

*I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky ... *

(is the drink finally taking effect or is it ... )

WEEKEND!

Cool^_^ all crazy people please head toward my page we'll do a head count and then form a conga line and buddy hop to the crazy land lots of water slides and pony rides^_^ it's just not crazy till you have pony rides Do I have a budget here just asking Oh well I guess I should get to work on installing a candy store sugar is a neccesity to crazy people I once drank a quart of pepsi in 3 minutes and the sugar buzz only lasted for 10 minutes and all it did was make me laugh uncontrollobly which wasn't good considering I was at a hockey game but still was rather fun so anyway thanks.

Hi everybody,

Lys, I think there is some kind of sweets shop, I think you should go to Joanna's doughnut stall - there could be a link.

But, on the other hand: there is never enough of this. I'll be checking your page at once, see you there

i wana be a gaurdian angel how do i beez applying?

well, you've come to the right place at any rate!

you got any ideas about which patronage you want to have? jot them down and I'm sure a ceremony will be performed soon....

Hooray
I,ve managed to get back on the computer......!!

The way back out from behind the sofa was hell but at least my nose has stopped bleeding....

i,d love to help and give pearls of insane wisdom and tips on morris dancing and how to cook with a wok if anybody will listen to me for five minutes.....

how about the patron saint of WOKING........COS I STILL CAN`T REMEMBER WHAT I WENT IN THE DAMN KITCHEN FOR.

ALL THE BEST .P.

Oh, look- a quarter

i wana be saint of the technologicaly inept!

*staggers in on watery knees*

*that's quite a feat, in case you've never tried it*

*pauses, and takes a look around at all of the new saint candidates*

my goodness...

*looks for any familiar face in the surrounding crowd*

ah... Spork E.! So good to see you!
don't suppose you'd mind taking care of some of the formalities?

*carefully arranges face into a leer, then settles in to await the proceedings*

Ceremony? Oh yeah...

*picks up a golden sword (reads inscription: made in God-Knows-Where), wipes off film of dust, tobacco, and sloe gin.*

Gor, this is heavy. If I get a hernia... Ok, now stand still, we don't want a Van Gogh...

*moves sword in overly complicated gesture*

I dub you Saint Lou Lou, Saint Pauly and Saint Karlito the Patron Saints of Senility !!!

May you go forth and seek out those "gifted" people out there who often wear mismatched socks, have conversations with their dogs, wear q-tips in their ears, go to work in their bathrobes, and find themselves wondering where the Shim they've put their keys - and help them! God knows they'll need your friendly hands.

*sporky then passes out - too much exertion, too little alcoholic influence*

* HE & Saint Peter stand on the Heavenly Links Golf Course idly passing the day. St.Peter is decked out in his finest plus fours sniffing the fresh air enjoying himself as much as being with him would allow… *

* HE on the other hand is fidgety, irascible & generally causing his usual brand of mayhem when things aren’t to his liking… *

* It’s about this time HE lines up his putt on the 16th. After considerable remeasuring, realigning and copious amounts of grumbling. HE is finally ready to address the ball. *

* HE misses… *

* St.Peter usually avoids such golfing match-ups for a number of reasons, namely:-

a) HIS current demeanour.
b) The myriad of problems raised by the fact an omniconscious being can’t even sink a simple birdie
c) …and well

* Just as the ball comes to a rest, thunder clouds roll into this normally placid place, the thunder rolls and finally a tremendous bolt of lightning surges from the sky striking the surrounding grass around the ball with enough force that it is thrown it into the hole… *

c)HE tends to cheat a lot…

* St.Peter groans and says that… *

St.Peter – Because the weather’s getting so bad… perhaps we had better get on with the latest Ceremony…

* HE grumbles… *

GOD – Do I have to…

St.Peter – Yes you do…

* After some coaxing from his personal servant, or for the want of a better word -baby sitter, HE is now in the right frame of mind… *

GOD – Ah…where is Thomas ?

* St.Peter blushes from embarrassment… *

St.Peter – Behind you…

GOD – Ah…Yes. I dub you Saint Thomas the Patron Saint of Small Shiny Things !!!

* A few good souls from a neighbouring green offer a decent round of applause. Although they haven’t the faintest idea why… J *

May you go forth and look after the beetles, crickets and anything a bowerbird might deposit in it’s nest… J

* A set of wings & a halo sprout forth bearing…well, take a guess J *

* HE turns to Jax Armani *

GOD – I dub you Saint Jax the Patron Saint of the Wholly Unremarkable !!!

May you go forth and seek out those individuals who despite a lifetime of labour & toil, still have little to show for such timely investment… J

* A pair of wings & a halo appear…I could have omitted that, it wasn’t the most spectacular thing this narrator has ever seen… *

* The fellow golfers clap politely none the less… *

* HE turns to Lou Lou, Pauly & Karlito *

GOD – I know the inebriated Sporky has absconded with the keys to the cabinet with the golden sword, but I’m sure you could take on this Patronage as well… J

Well, there is plenty of people to go around… J

I dub you lot the Patron Saints of Triplets !!!

May you go forth a council those in a similar close relations to stop them from going absolutely barking mad !!!

Thrice !!!

* A set of strap on wings sprouts forth and a halo… *

GOD – Er…you might have to share, but don’t take it that you can be naughty for 2/3rds of the time !!!

* The fellow golfers are now nowhere to be seen… as they are running down the adjoining fairway trying to get away from the mad old man… J *

can i be a guardian angel too? i mean, the word angel's even in my NAME. oh, oh i know: i could be the patron saint of porn stars!! (that was a JOKE, by the way)

Greetings Angelwings !!!

Having a look at your page...

How about the Patron Saint of Blue Skies...

- Simply, High Spirited.

okay, so do i just add that to my name, or is there some kind of ceremony type-thing? either way, all back to mine for the party!

Well, I'll just take this off Sporky !!!

* HE rips a golden sword out from under, the under the weather Sporky, whom had been using it as a crutch just to stay upright... *

I dub you Saint Angelwings the Patron Saint of Blue Skies !!!

May you go forth and make sure that all those who venture up into the big blue, don't end up carooming into the big blue, below, at tremendous speeds !!!

Especially your fellow angels...

Honestly, they need all the help they can get...

No, really...

* With that HE swings a heavily ornate sword and a pair of pure white wings unfurl & a skyblue halo... *

okay, great! *flies off to arrange halo-warming party*

I made it! Heeheeheeheeee! *Hands everyone in the room a trinket of some sort* Well, I'd better get on with my duties. *Flies away with an aura of small shinyness*

Yes, I was right. This is the place to work out how to do a ceremony...
And work on my golf swing- some of us Archangels will be studying at St Andrews next year...

Hello all! I would like to be a guardian angel, and this seemed like the place to go if I wanted to be. Ican't think of anything to be the patron saint of so I am going to be presumptuous (I had to look presumptuous up at dictionary.com to make sure that I spelled it right. I wish that you could just spell out all words. It still doesn't look right.) and tell you about myself to see if you can come up with anything. I am a goalie/defender on a soccer team, and I play the drums, piano, and almost all the other percussion instruments, although I hate the cowbell (All you can do with it is make it go thud in like seven different pitches, no offense to cows out there) and the tamberine (it makes my wrist hurt) and I play the saxophone and clarinet as of this summer. I like to try to golf, though if I hit the ball in less than three tries then I feel like I have accomplished a huge feat. I also like to read for at least three hours a day. That about rounds me up, all though I'll probably remeber something later that I'll wish I had put in. Hopefully you'll be able to think up a patronage for me. ~Jumps over to her page so she can try to remeber what she was going to write in her journal but forgot.~

St.Peter - Hello Amanda !!!

I'm sure we can find some space in our angelic fold to make you an angel !!!

Once HE arrives I'm sure some patronage can be sorted out...

St.P.