h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh...come now.

We don't give up on people just like that up here...!!!

I'm sure we can sort out any problems you might have...with it being part of our remit up here as it were...

- Simply, High Spirited.

* Delicate souls are often found in the garret towers of Heaven H.Q beavering away at their next masterpiece. Indeed presently knee deep in clay is Lil creating yet another fine creation… *

GOD - Quite nice…

Saint Lil - Not bad…

* HE points… *

GOD - Hmmm, may I ask what that is ?

Saint Lil - Well, I had a little bit left over…

GOD - Yes, I had that problem designing in them in the first place…

* Saint Lil coughs… *

GOD - …but it's always the way I found, when you work with nudes…

* For a visual representation please go here… *

http://www.h2g2.com/A389847

GOD - Well, it's about time we started this Ceremony…

* Assorted Saints are hastily gathered together to welcome the new angels. Archangel Big 'Evil' Dan looks stunned anyone would try to corral him into doing anything such thing on a Saturday. Saint Thistle is positively ropable… *

* HE wanders in carrying the fabled golden sword which presently has a few dings in it since Saint Fashion Cat decided it was perfect for chopping some wood for the fire at the last ceremony. HE gives her a knowing sideways glance… *

GOD - Welcome one & all !!! I'm glad you could all join us today…even though Saint Wampus & Capt.Al boy appear to be otherwise engaged…

* HE turns to Nim… *

I hereby dub you Saint Nim the Cat - The Patron Saint of Intricate Complexes !!!

May you go forth and stop others from splitting their infinitives !!!

* HE gives a sly look as the golden sword arcs it's way through a few stray hapless atoms… it's that sharp *

* A pair of lovely white wings sprout forth composed of infinitesimally small feathers and a halo composed of a multicoloured array… *


* HE turns to M'niki… *

I hereby dub you Saint M'niki - The Patron Saint of Anonymous Artists !!!

May you go forth and comfort those struggling artists who are still waiting for fate to make them the fated !!!

* Streams of multi-coloured light dapple the air as a golden sword glides its way to its destination… A pair of paint smattered multi-coloured wings sprout forth & a matching encrusted halo… *

* HE turns to Pletch with a knowingly glance… *

I hereby dub you Saint Pletch - The Patron Saint of Lost Causes !!!

May you go forth and encourage others who would struggle for such outmoded things peace, love & understanding. Plus, go forth and help any souls the other 'discerning' Saints might not approve of…

* With that a shower of sparks a large chrome head off a statue of Saint Chrome falls to the ground… *

GOD - Sorry, MY fault !!! I wasn't paying proper attention…

* Saint Peter shifts uneasily nearby, which is nothing as compared to the real Saint Chrome… *

* HE swings the sword with a stern look of concentration on his brow this time around and a pair of cream wings sprout forth and a golden halo… *

GOD - Well, I suggest we move through to the Wings Bar now…

* HE momentarily looks at the headless statue as HE exits the room. HE ponders whether it may have been the result of drinking. It's a sobering thought, momentarily… *

congratulations new saints!
mr indifferent? why the change of heart?

Kay I guess I can sounds cool anyway I guess plus if people need help they'll have to visit my page and you can never have to many people at your mercy needing help it's a great oppurtunity to black mail(just kidding)plus I know web stuff I've had internet since it came out and we got cable so it's super fast yeah plus my dad teaches computers to college people so anything I don't know he does as a matter of fact my whole family does computer's sad I know sort of like admitting your families in a cult when you tell people you're Grandpa has worked with computers since before you where born and understands them better oh well

Congadulatons every body I orderd more of the new improved drink it now tasts like anything you want it to but has the same texture as partally melted ice cream You dont know whether to drink it or use a spoon.

Congratulations to the new angels. Congratulations on the improvement to your drink, Bob.

Thanks GOD! Thanks Everybody!

(Walks over to a mirror to admire her new self in her Angel outfit: Skintight decoltee black vest, tight black trousers and high heels, with the startingly white wings sprouting from behind * I love this outfit * settles the halo in place )

I always looked good in black, but this is really something! Mmmm, I could highlight my hair to match the halo though ...

(tries out her wings, doesn't manage completely and falls down to be catched in time by ...?)

*Bob who hands Nim a glass of a strange lump brwn liquid*

I sugest you go to the flight training befor you try flying. I diddent and ennded up in traction for a week. Any way the drink has arrived what do you think.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

*stepping up to catch nim with a practiced() flair*

Must be an inner ear disorder!

Slightly off subject but I am putting this in as many places as possible.

If you receive an email titled "Lets watch TV" - DO NOT OPEN IT!!!!!

It will erase everything on your hard drive. This information was announced yesterday morning from IBM; AOL states that "KALI" is a very dangerous virus, much worse than "Melissa," and that there is NO remedy for it at this time.

Some very sick individual has succeeded in using the reformat function from Norton Utilities causing it to completely erase all documents on
the hard drive. It has been designed to work with Netscape Navigator and Microsoft Internet Explorer.

It destroys Macintosh and IBM compatible computers. This is a new, very malicious virus and not many people know about it. Pass this
warning along to EVERYONE in your address book and please share it with all your online friends ASAP so that this threat may be stopped.

Nasty isnt it

Hi GOD,

my name is Kasia and i would like to become a Guardian Angel. I love Jazz, so maybe YOU can give me a name concerning to this?

I think I'd like a name to do with the protection of crazy people they need it especially with the government around all though they are just as crazy they don't see it

I am crazy and I dont need protection just sctoch and a computer and I am happy.

You would need protection if you where like my friend Sarah who sometimes runs down the halls at school screaming burn the leprochauns

Regarding the above virus warning....

When somebody tried to post this on the eGroups forum, I immediately went to both IBM and AOL's websites (as they were mentioned by the warning itself) and found NO information on this virus. I approved the message, but with a disclaimer that this is most likely a hoax. The "don't open attachments you don't expect" advice is still very good, but please don't spread panic by forwarding this.

Sorry I was just sent the worning and then a messadge with the Lets wach Tv from mobil (my dad works for them) so I thought it was proberbly real.

uh... just dropped by to get my halo and wings. see you all later.

Welcome back Mr.Indifferent !!!

We are glad you had a change of heart...

For those lovely people who have applied to become Guardian Angels, I have the good news of your acceptance !!!

A ceremony will take place a little later on, but in the meantime we are in party mode !!!

We recently welcomed to the fold our 50th Guardian Angel & we are celebrating it over here...

http://www.h2g2.com/A399675

So why not come & say hello !!!

- Simply, High Spirited.

St.Peter - You will be glad to here that Saint Girleight has finally turned up...

The Patron Saint of the Accident Prone as you might recall was sucked into the jet housing of a passing 747 on her way to Heaven...

Then of course there was the incident in the hospital... I mean a faulty lift shaft in a clinic is bad enough, but it being built precisely over an old abandoned mine shaft is positively libelous !!!

If I see anybody trying to teach her basic flying skills before she gets out of traction, there will be TROUBLE !!!

St.P.