h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*st. broelan enters the front door, walks nervously over to the counter looking occasionally over her shoulder. she jumps slightly as she rings the call bell*

*Affy seems to materialize out of nowhere*

Hello, there! Long time no see! Can I help you?

hey there! how've you been? sorry for being so nervous, but i'm attempting to place an order for someone annonymously. i'm hoping he doesn't find me out.

i saw several weeks ago where a rather large snowball was delivered upon ottox's personal space, and i was needing to get something along the same lines. is the snow cannon still operable?

Oh, yes, the Snow Cannon is as operational as ever! A bit dusty due to lack of interest, maybe, but definitely operational! So, what'll it be? We offer combinations of gigantic 40-ton snowballs that can slam into entire guide entries, along with our rapid-fire bazooka that can shoot forums with perfect accuracy, at the rate of two snow balls per second. So, what can I put ya down for?

i think a 40 ton snowball will do nicely for starters.... here's the address:

i need it sent to tj at u174844 (or http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/u174844 )

please send it annonymously

Okay, can do! Want a message attached to this snowball?

i wonder if there is a moderator-friendly way of saying 'paybacks are a b***h'...

actually, he'll probably have a pretty good idea why he's getting it, and a limited number of suspects as to who it's from..... but i guess there should be *some* kind of note attached...

let me think on it a bit and i'll get back to you later today, maybe in an hour or two?

sorry, that's the longest two hours i've ever made anybody wait! i've been so busy!! and i haven't even thought on what i'd like to say

how about something along the lines of 'this has been sent to you anonymously by someone thinking that you may be in need of a bit of snow. please use it wisely once you've dug yourself out of it and thawed a bit.'

feel free to embellish as you see fit. see, i had a snow fort on my page and i enjoy going there often because it's so hot outside (98F today!). a few days ago tj obliterated my snow fort and i've made a good show of being hurt about it (he knows i'm not really mad). i'd just like to pay him back in a friendly way. but i'd like him to have to guess a little bit as to who it might be from. so if you can think of something better to add to the message, please do, i'm giving you creative freedom

i'm going to be off for a few days, i'll be out of town over the weekend, and won't be back on h2g2 until tuesday the 14th. it can be delivered while i'm gone if possible (so it's not too long past when he destroyed my fort ).

thanks for your help affy! i'll catch up with you next week

::walks in and looks around::

Hmm. No one seems to be here.

::walks up to counter and notices ledger laying open::

This looks intersting.

::begins thumbing through the pages::

Aha!

::sees an order for a 40 ton snowball to be delivered anonymously to u174844::

So, just as I suspected. Now to plan a suitable response. Hehehe...

::walks out::

*Affy watches through a security camera as TJ leaves, grinning mischeivously*

Oh, dear, it looks like I've left a trail! Hee-hee-hee, this oughtta be fun to watch! Chesworth, send two hover-cams to follow TJ and record what happens.

*The head of security salutes, heads over to the console, and types in the command. Two extremely obvious looking hover-cam units fly from the main building in the complex, and follow TJ*

curses!! foiled again!!

..... knew i should have unsubscribed....

Either that or instructed me to also unsubscribe as well as to not advertise where more about this fine product could be learned.

that's okay.... ultimately this could bring you loads of business....

Why? What's TJ up to?

Why? What's TJ up to?

*dances in, dressed in motley and a mask*

Affy, I've got something I want you to see. It's a multi-functional Zanni mask of my own design. You just touch this part here, and it changes it's face

*Arl lets the mask scroll through several different faces, many from classic Commedia Del Arte stereotypes. Some are red, some are blue, some are perfectly hedious while others have beards and mustaches.*

And it's programable. It could be used as the ultimate disguise! It could --

*as the mask continues morphing it gets hotter and hotter until Arl has to take it off of his face. He tries to stop it, but can't shut it off. He thows it out of the room and screams*

Everybody run for cover!

*peeks out from behind something large offering sufficient protection*
hey, affy... i've been meaning to ask you a question....

*The out of control Zanni mask explodes, splattering whipped cream everywhere*

Now that's odd.

ooooh!

*goes searching for fridge hoping to find *

*tries to figure out how 12 gallons of whipped cream exploded from a 1/4 pound mask*