h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*grabs a cup of warm water and spreads it on the mask. It appears to feel better.*

Well, if you don't have a heat lamp, any normal lamp with a lightbulb that produces heat should do. The higher wattage, of course, the better. Well, not 100...

Anyway, we should get on this quickly.

*Rushes out and returns with the terrarium, a goose-neck light fixture with a heat bulb and a tube of putty. In one corner of the terrarium is is a hole the size of a baseball, penetrating a layer of glass, then a layer of adamantium, then a layer of kevlar. Sticking out of one side of the hole is a long white needle-like thing. GL plucks it off.*

Wow! A killer-snail tooth!

*GL sets it aside and patches the hole with the putty.*

Not as secure, but this guy doesn't need to be kept in a secure environment. And besides, it looks like this wasn't as secure as we thought. Or the killer snails were tougher than we though. You know, Affy, we really should round them up sometime.

Anyway, I'll just put the heatlamp in here, sprinkle with water, and, there, it's all ready.

*Lifts the little guy up from the ground to carry him over to the terrarium. Suddently it leaps from his hands, onto his face, and spreads until it surrrounds his entire head! It goes through several shape-shifts, first immitating various Commedia characters, then pausing while it looks like a man with blue skin, ray-bans, and a goatee, and finally forming itself into a grotesque, deep crimson, uncomfortably familiar, oversized skull mask which covers his entire head. Insidious laughter is heard bubbling up, first from everywhere at once, then building and building and focusing on Arlecchino*

*Turns and looks straight into Affy*

I'm Baaaaack!

*Dashes off down a hallway before he can be apprehended*

Oh, great....FULL LOCKDOWN, ORDER THREE-NINE-NINER!!!!

*Every entrance and exit to the lab seals*

You might want to check the Brigg

Already did.

*enters*

Um... sorry about that. Where were we?

*Message Pops up on Screen*

[message]: Have just had a special order for a psychic amplifier mounted in the eyes of a mask. I have plenty psychic amplifiers if you need to examine them, but they're all in weapon form: rifles, pistos, arm mounted blasters, etc. This guy wants the psychic blasts to appear to come out of his eyes. Can you do it for me, for a cut?

[message]: Hello? Affy? GL? Look, just because I put you on trial, Affy, isn't a reason to ignore one of your best customers! I mean, I'm even bought that silly decoder ring for an outrageous sum! And anyway, if you're concerned about the recipient using the weapon against you, he's affiliated with CHOPPERS, so I don't think you have to worry about that.

*Rushes in, panting*

Sorry. Not been online for three whole days. Now, let's see,....

Okay, psychic amplifiers. Yes, we can do those. Making them work in such a way that'll make them come out of the eyes without obstructing vision may be a challenge, but I think we can handle it.

I think that what Ar... er, my client had in mind was maybe some sort of lesne that when charged to a certain level would release a blast forward. If his vision is obstructed for the duration of the actual blast I'm not sure how much that would actually bother him. After all, he is already psychic, telepathic, etc. He can rely on sense number 6 for that brief moment.

*Enters room, grinning wolfishly*

Just delivered your code ring.

*Bursts out laughing *

Yes, thank you. I noticed that. I guess that makes me the Lord of the Ring?

You're punishing me for the joke, aren't you?

Okay, guys, any progress on the amplifier? Ar... I mean, my client really is anxious about it.

Actually, your joke was just fine. In fact, we would go so far as to offer a ringing endorsement of it.

I'm just finishing a rereading of The Hobbit. Man, that is a good book. I read it so long ago that I didn't remember hardly anything, so it was like reading it fresh. Tolkein has such an easy style, that the story just seems to flow out of the page. Next, I'm going to reread the Lord of the Rings, in anticipation of the movie.


*Hands over the amplifier.*

It's not perfect, but what do you expect from the Mark I version. There is mild imparement of vision while using it - something like blinkers on a horse where periferal vision is restricted. Hopefully that won't be a big problem and I'm sure we'll be able to overcome it in the Mark II version.

* a lot of time elapses *

*Lil and Amy walk through the lobby and enter the public lab carrying all the pieces of the broken dragonFLYbot*

*Affy looks at it and whistles low*

I've missed some serious backlog somewhere. Repair job?

Yeah, it got stepped on. On top of repairs it could do with some self-defense, I think. I gave the bot to Amy at the Harry Potter birthday banquet last year and she's gotten a lot of use out of it, so if you can fix it, that would be great!

*looks at Affy pleadingly*

Maybe a forcefield to protect it from heavy-footed Sporkies. And a sting - just in case he finds a way through the forcefield. And retractable headlights would be useful. And a hook underneath so that I can hang it on twigs.