h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*enters the lobby wearing her flying jacket* has a hopeful look on her face*

You mean it wasn't stressed for inverted flight?

I remember reading the manual before I gift-wrapped it, Amy. The book said that the bot would do everything a dragonfly can do. Have they been known to do barrel rolls?

Barrel rolls, eh? Hmmmm. Maybe we could beef up the specs a bit.

...and loops, chandelles, stalls, spins and the occasional spiral dive.

Is it still under warranty?

Wow! It's really performed well for you, then.

*Glances sideways at Affy.*


Didn't think it could handle those manouvres. We'll have to reinforce everything.


*Types a few commands into a terminal.*
Awwwww. Look at that! Warranty expired yesterday.

But maybe we could make a deal.

*Grins at Amy*
Maybe we could film you once it is fixed. Might make a good commercial.

Oh, that would definitely cover it. Especially if we air it in the Schooner system. They enjoy flying over there.

*Examines the fuel container. He pours out a shiny, transparent, somewhat viscuous liquid. On a hunch, he pulls a circlet out of his pocket, dips it into the liquid, and blows through the circlet. Within seconds, the air is filled with hundreds of tiny bubbles*

Cool! Okay, this is a part of the design worth looking into! Pretty cheap to refuel, too.

That's odd. On the spruce fir hunt it was definitiely battery operated.

You mean you didn't know about the auxillary power system? I guess that would explain why the tank is still full.


There. Did I save it? That was a close one.

You'll have to show me how that works.

Well you see, when the battery here dies, this engine here can kick in. It's not as healthy for it to work with liquid fuel in place of the charge that this battery can generate, but it's the type of life-saving feature that can definitely be worth having if you're being pursued by evil alien wasps at an altitude of 20,000 feet. And we all know how many Terrors await At 20,000 Feet, right?

*Affy looks at the battery, and hooks it up to a recharger*

*Finishes repairing left forewing and moves on to the right one.*

*finishes the magazine and begins moving around the room, looking at the odd things on the shelves*

Say, some of these are the bits of UFO I gave y'all a few months ago! Have you found out what they do, or just using them as sculptures?

*mutters to Lil*

The only thing awaiting a dragonFLYbot rider at 20 thousand feet is asphyxia. Are you sure Affy and GL can fix it? It seems to be taking a long time.

*answers very quietly*
They built it. The orange button at the nape of its neck is proof of that. And whatever they make for other people is absolutely dependable. They're just rather bad at finishing things, because they keep seeing subsystems they can do better. Perfectionism gone rampant, you know?

*lowers her voice even more* But they're susceptible to the usual psychological ploys.

*back to normal voice* No, Amy, it doesn't look like they CAN fix it.

*Hears Lil's last comment and looks up from under the work bench. He's now wearing ludicrously oversized welding gloves and a helmet, and appears to be putting together a welder*

Oh, is that so, eh? C'mon, GL, let's see if we can beat our previous record for fixing something. Twenty extra systems attached within the same frame of time.

*Begins tinkering like a mad man*

*Suddenly begins moving at about mach 3. Hands and arms become a blur as bits are disassembled, repaired and reassembled with new bits added. Occasional trips to back rooms for new components leave a trail of styrofoam "peanuts" and paper "straw" from the boxes. Finally, the flurry slows down as GL plugs a cord into a receptacle on the head of the bot. The cord leads back to a computer terminal, in front of which GL is catching his breath.*


Okay, we just need to run some diagnostics now.

*Does a visual and mental diagnostic himself before pushing the button on the computer*

It should be all right, although I'm a bit worried about the system that allows it to understand verbal communications given in either binary or hexadecimal. I mean, the odds of someone trying to talk to a robot like that are huge, so it's probably a pointless system, right?

Nah, probably not. This last diagnostic should be finished any second now anyway.

*A small red light flashes on a corner of the keyboard.*

Uh oh. I'm getting a warning here. Let's see...

An intermittent malfunction of the stinger retreival system. Seems that sometimes the stinger will remain embedded in whatever triggered it. Would probably be very uncomfortable for the reciepient, but not serious for the bot. The computer can't pin down the cause, and I wouldn't want to keep you ladies any longer than necessary...

*raises an eyebrow at Lil*

...so, perhaps I could just include some spare stingers for replacements on the rare occasions that one is lost.

Now, we'll need to show you how to work the new Infinite Capacity Saddle Bag, the Snowzar Force Field, the Stinger and, of course, the auxillary power system. And we'll need, um, something from you to calibrate the Gleet Bio-Filter, so that the Force Field and Stinger aren't triggered by you yourself. Something containing your DNA.

*is impressed and can't wait to see the refurbot's trial flight*